pltkcelestial18 is offline pltkcelestial18 Post #1  April 13,2011, 11:22am
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I'm on OkCupid and I have recieved messages from guys (not all of them but some) that have said something a long the lines of how pretty or gorgeous or whatever I am. Nothing else really, except to let them know if I'm interested in talking to them. Now I don't mind the compliments but what bothers me about these types of messages is I can't help but wonder if they're after just one thing.

I received one today and the guy said he just wanted to tell me he thought I was gorgeous and when I went to look at his profile he talked about how he was a good kisser and loved to kiss and that he was really good at doing other things with his mouth as well.

Again I don't necessarily mind the compliment, but if that's the only thing in the message it makes me not want to respond because (1) I'm not sure what to say and (2) what if they just want one thing? Why do guys do this? If it was thrown in there with other things they read in my profile, then that wouldn't bug me so much. Am I just reading too much into these types of messages?
 
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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #2  April 13,2011, 11:30am
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I used to be on OkC and I never responded to messages like that. I felt like they just looked at my picture and did not read my profile. I think they are after just the physical aspect...especially that guy. I'm sorry but to write in your profile that you are good with your mouth in that way like he did is off-putting. Seems to send the wrong message.

Go with your gut.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #3  April 13,2011, 11:36am
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I certainly respond to women differently because I know most women are afraid that men are "only after one thing."

I am not sure you should just throw them away, but they have given a possible clue in that direction.

The first little communication is somewhat awkward, and maybe pretty easy to make too much out of.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #4  April 13,2011, 11:40am
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I don't necessarily mind that kind of first email, but if the guys profile is all about how good he is with his mouth, I am not going to reply.

The first email can be a little flirty, and a little suggestive, as long as it's not a blatant come on for sex. I often try to be a little flirty when I write back. After all, we're hoping to "date", not just "get to know each other cordially".

If I get a flirty-slash-suggestive first email, I will check out his profile and see if it is a "normal" profile. I don't usually get offended by anything anyone says in a first email.
 
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LoveComes1st is offline LoveComes1st Post #5  April 13,2011, 11:48am
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In your shoes I would not communicate with guy that you described who talked about his "special skills" right in his profile.

As for other guys who send compliments in the first email, it would depend on his profile, pics, how he answered OKC questions and what tests he took. You can glean a lot of things about his motives by looking at all these things as a whole. And if he didn't answer many OKC questions, kept them private or didn't have much in his profile I wouldn't bother with him. The OKC questions can give a lot of info about a person...

But I tend to send rejection emails with a high level reason, so as not to leave a guy hanging. By telling one guy I was only interested in speaking with men who were looking for a serious longterm relationship, I found he was actually looking for his life partner even though you never would have known this by looking at his initial email to me, his profile or his public OKC answers. I had just met someone so didn't talk with him further so don't know if he was totally sincere or not. But keeping an open mind is good too when things aren't clear.
Last edited by LoveComes1st; April 13,2011 at 12:03pm. Reason: typos
 
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pltkcelestial18 is offline pltkcelestial18 Post #6  April 13,2011, 11:57am
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I don't think I would have minded and I would have even responded to this guy but he didn't have a lot substance in his profile. He talked about kissing and said he had other awesome skills with his mouth besides kissing If he had anything in his profile worth commenting about or something I knew I was also interested in, then I would respond....but there was absolutely nothing notable.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  April 13,2011, 12:18pm
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I don't presume that a guy is only after one thing just because he paid me a compliment. I would sincerely hope that if he wants to date me, that he actually thinks I'm attractive. However, it always boils down to the total picture. If his profile raises additional flags as in the OP, then yeah....I would not respond. If his profile is normal and I like what I see, I would respond without hesitation.

Also, I tend to respond in kind. So for example, if his e-mail was flirty or edgy, he'll get a similar response back.
 
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beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #8  April 13,2011, 12:31pm
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If I like the guys profile I will respond, if I don't then I won't.

I have noticed a lot of guys profiles on OKC talk about how awesome they are and how they are looking for someone "hot". For instance, there was a profile I actually really liked and the guy was pretty cute. Then I got to the "You should message me if..." section. The only thing he put was "If you are attractive and have a pretty face". I did not message him. I don't want to date someone so into looks. Yes, looks are important, but they are not everything and someone so into looks may not be so OK later on when the looks start to fade.
 
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pltkcelestial18 is offline pltkcelestial18 Post #9  April 13,2011, 12:38pm
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I will admit I have responded to a guy who's profile was completely empty except for a picture, but in his message, he asked me questions related to my profile and I decided to message him back because from his picture he looked approachable. We ended up on a date a couple of days later. It never went anywhere though.

So I do understand being open minded, but if it sounds like all they're after is sex then I'm not interested.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #10  April 13,2011, 1:06pm
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Why do some guys do this (NOT ALL GUYS ok!)?

Probably most likely they are looking for one thing and they are "spraying and praying"... They do this to 100 girls, if 3 play along and are looking for the same thing ~ that's 3 girls they got it with vs. talking to 10 girls and getting zero.

Maybe it's not your way, but if you just think bout their motivations and what they're out there for ~ then the "logic" can kinda fall into place what they're trying to accomplish.

Richey
 
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