Why don't guys say "Thank You" after a date?


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Xable is offline Xable Post #1  April 13,2011, 8:47am
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As an offshoot from another thread. Women often text after a date expressing gratitude for the date, that they had a good time, and maybe even suggesting that they do it again. This is a tactic to let the guy know she is interested in going on a second date and opening the door (green light) for the guy to ask/accept a second date if he is so inclined.

I just realized that I send a thank you/ had a good time note regardless of who paid for the date - whether is was free, dutch, split, his treat or my treat. I realized that never once have I had a guy tell me thank you or say they had a good time on the date.

Why is it a kind of defacto that a woman should express gratitude to show her interest and yet the same is not required of a man?

Surprisingly, it doesn't really bother me, but I just realized this is a bit of a double standard.
 
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RandomEharmonyMember is offline RandomEharmonyMember Post #2  April 13,2011, 8:50am
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Xable wrote :
As an offshoot from another thread. Women often text after a date expressing gratitude for the date, that they had a good time, and maybe even suggesting that they do it again. This is a tactic to let the guy know she is interested in going on a second date and opening the door (green light) for the guy to ask/accept a second date if he is so inclined.

I just realized that I send a thank you/ had a good time note regardless of who paid for the date - whether is was free, dutch, split, his treat or my treat. I realized that never once have I had a guy tell me thank you or say they had a good time on the date.

Why is it a kind of defacto that a woman should express gratitude to show her interest and yet the same is not required of a man?

Surprisingly, it doesn't really bother me, but I just realized this is a bit of a double standard.
I try to always say "thanks for the nice time" at the end of the date. I'm going to ask a bunch of guys at the gym if they thank there dates as well. This is an interesting post for sure! Both parties should be saying thanks if you ask me! It's common courtesy.

Great thread.
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  April 13,2011, 8:59am
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I see it as polite, but I don't know that it's required of either party. I also wonder, unfortunately, if this is a reflection of interest. Do you find that these guys do this and then proceed to set up a second date?

I only say this because when I've got the impression a guy is interested in me and angling for another date, I do get this kind of confirmation either in person or via text. When it seems that the interest wasn't there, I don't know that it always happens.

I also think that part of it that I have nothing but antedotal evidence, women seem to be a bit more polite and consistent when it comes to thank yous. The same holds true for jobs, I have almost always gotten some sort of thank you card or note from the women I've interviewed, but less often from men. Same with people I've invited over to my house. I don't expect it or require it more from any one gender over another, it just seems to happen more.
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #4  April 13,2011, 9:05am
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As I said in the other thread, she has thanked me each time I took her out. All those times, I paid fully. When she texts me to say thanks, i write back that it was my pleasure/thanks for your company or something similar.

The other night she took me out for drinks to celebrate my promotion. After we parted ways that night I sent her a text saying i had a great time and thanks for the drinks.

So, I can't speak for others but I always say thank you.

Xable wrote :
As an offshoot from another thread. Women often text after a date expressing gratitude for the date, that they had a good time, and maybe even suggesting that they do it again. This is a tactic to let the guy know she is interested in going on a second date and opening the door (green light) for the guy to ask/accept a second date if he is so inclined.

I just realized that I send a thank you/ had a good time note regardless of who paid for the date - whether is was free, dutch, split, his treat or my treat. I realized that never once have I had a guy tell me thank you or say they had a good time on the date.

Why is it a kind of defacto that a woman should express gratitude to show her interest and yet the same is not required of a man?

Surprisingly, it doesn't really bother me, but I just realized this is a bit of a double standard.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #5  April 13,2011, 9:08am
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Interesting point about the politeness and thank you notes. I suppose polite is polite is polite. Maybe this should be a new gauge for me for determining how polite a person is. I definitely want someone who is polite.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #6  April 13,2011, 9:14am
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jimmyh452 wrote :
As I said in the other thread, she has thanked me each time I took her out. All those times, I paid fully. When she texts me to say thanks, i write back that it was my pleasure/thanks for your company or something similar.

The other night she took me out for drinks to celebrate my promotion. After we parted ways that night I sent her a text saying i had a great time and thanks for the drinks.

So, I can't speak for others but I always say thank you.
Yes, but I send thank you for a great evening even if the person didn't pay a dime and women are expected to say "thanks" after first dates/meets regardless. It is more than just thanking them for the money they might have laid down. It is also thanking them for their time and providing them with an enjoyable evening.

Obviously, after we have been dating a while, I don't usually sent text messages after the fact unless it was something special. At that point, I think simply a heartfelt "Thank you." in person and at the time is sufficient. I guess it is the same reason I don't sent a "thank you" card to my mom and dad after Christmas for the presents.
 
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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #7  April 13,2011, 9:21am
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Hmm, I usually thank in person after the date. Thank you for dinner/drinks or whatever...don't usually text afterwards to thank again because I thought it was overkill. I don't really expect the guy to text a thank you after either - I figure if he's interested he'll text or call or whatever - but it's okay if he doesn't text to just say thanks. No need to thank early on especially if we say "had a nice time" or something similar in person at the end of the date.

I've had a guy text to say thanks for a great time right away and I respond and then he poofs. I've had a guy not text or contact me immediately afterwards and text me like 4 days later asking me out again. It seems like a crapshoot.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #8  April 13,2011, 9:31am
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Why does everythign have to be a gender thing? *cough cough*
I always say thank you... fyi.

Richey
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #9  April 13,2011, 9:41am
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Xable wrote :
As an offshoot from another thread. Women often text after a date expressing gratitude for the date, that they had a good time, and maybe even suggesting that they do it again. This is a tactic to let the guy know she is interested in going on a second date and opening the door (green light) for the guy to ask/accept a second date if he is so inclined.

I just realized that I send a thank you/ had a good time note regardless of who paid for the date - whether is was free, dutch, split, his treat or my treat. I realized that never once have I had a guy tell me thank you or say they had a good time on the date.

Why is it a kind of defacto that a woman should express gratitude to show her interest and yet the same is not required of a man?

Surprisingly, it doesn't really bother me, but I just realized this is a bit of a double standard.
Because those men lack manners. Why does anyone not say thank you when they finish a date? Why do both men and women practice double standards?

My answer is it really doesn't matter because a lot of people are self centered, self absorbed and cowards who is afraid to be honest with their feelings/opinions of someone.

There is a way to tactfully tell someone that he/she isn't their cup of tea and move along.

I say thank you to ALL my dates, whether they are one and doner dates or not. But, once again, it is how I roll which is a reflection of how I was raised.

B.Y.
Last edited by BabyYoda; April 13,2011 at 10:38am.
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #10  April 13,2011, 9:41am
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It's because he doesn't want to come off as clingy.
 
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