Why don't guys say "Thank You" after a date?


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Xable is offline Xable Post #21  April 13,2011, 11:47am
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FaintestInkling wrote :
I always thought the main reason that women send the "thank you for the nice time" text is to induce the man to ask them out again, because, despite the fact that it is the year 2011, most women still refuse to ask the man out, including for a second date.


I don't send a thank you text, because (1) I've never had a woman pay for me (and although I guess I could 'thank her for her time' that seems rather cold to me---saying "I had a good time" at the end of the date is good enough to be polite) and (2) my first post-date contact would be to ask her out again, so I have no need to "express interest" in a roundabout way.

If more women other than a small minority were willing to conclude a date with "I'd really like to see you next week, how about we do such-and-such?" or to call later and say, "Hey, want to do something again this weekend?" -- then I suspect it would be much less important for women to send a thank you text or e-mail afterwards ....
Yep. Sure, I could come right out and ask a guy for a second date at the end of the first one but to be honest, most guys are just as reserve in their showing interest as females can be.

I hesitate to ask for a second date (at that point) for three reasons: 1)I don't want to get rejected to my face. 2)I don't want to put him on the spot. I don't want him to accept my offer because he doesn't want to be rude and reject me to my face. I don't want him to feel bad if he rejects me. 3) Personally, I find first dates/meets very stressful and highly emotionally charged. I like to go home and take a few hours to soak in everything that happened over the course of a date. It allows me to really decide if I want to see this person again or not.

I always thank a guy at the end of a date - always. But I often don't even get that from a guy. Is it so hard to say, it was nice meeting you? If I am interested in a second date I will follow that up with a text of some sort. I don't text unless I am interested in a second date because I feel that is a little misleading.

Thanking for your time - thanking for a good time - thanking for an enjoyable evening to me are all the same thing - basically. I would never text "Thanks for taking the time to meet with me." Rather I would text something like, "Thanks for this afternoon. I had a really great time. I would love to do it again."
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #22  April 13,2011, 12:24pm
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I think I was taking what you were saying somewhat literally, to actually include the word "thank you," which I don't think is strictly necessary.

However, if a guy isn't saying at least, "It was nice meeting you," or "I had a good time" or something like that at the end of date, that's just plain rude.

(Btw, I think from reading your other posts that you probably would ask a guy out, so my ire at most women's extreme hesitancy to do that is not directed at you! haha)
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #23  April 13,2011, 12:42pm
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I don't know if it's a regional thing or just men I pick to meet, but it's extraordinarily rare that the date does not conclude with some mutual expression of "thanks for a fun date". In fact so rare, that I can't remember if it has ever ended without that.

Also, I do find that guys will text yet another "had a great time" when they are fishing for reassurance and a green light to ask me out for a second date. Personally, I don't particularly like that since it's a little weak and I prefer guys who just pick up the phone and ask. Overall, you already parted nicely....how many times do you need to thank each other? There is polite and then there is overkill.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #24  April 13,2011, 12:47pm
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My experience is that if there is interest after the date... the man will usually say thank you.

As I believe in guys paying for the date, I always send an immediate thank you to show my sincere grattitude. Oftentimes, the guy beats me to the punch though.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #25  April 13,2011, 12:52pm
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DancingFool wrote :

Also, I do find that guys will text yet another "had a great time" when they are fishing for reassurance and a green light to ask me out for a second date. Personally, I don't particularly like that since it's a little weak and I prefer guys who just pick up the phone and ask. Overall, you already parted nicely....how many times do you need to thank each other? There is polite and then there is overkill.
I wonder if I don't get those texts and or cordial parting because they *don't* want to go out again? It is a possibility.

You can imagine my horror when, on one date, it was time for us to leave (after 2 and a half hours of talking). The guy said he had to go because he needed to run some errands and had to get up early the next morning. I turned to grab my purse and when I turned back around the guy had already gotten up and left out the door. Honestly, it was more comical than anything because really, who does that? I think the answer is - someone who isn't interested in seeing you again, that's who.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #26  April 13,2011, 12:55pm
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Xable wrote :
As an offshoot from another thread. Women often text after a date expressing gratitude for the date, that they had a good time, and maybe even suggesting that they do it again. This is a tactic to let the guy know she is interested in going on a second date and opening the door (green light) for the guy to ask/accept a second date if he is so inclined.

I just realized that I send a thank you/ had a good time note regardless of who paid for the date - whether is was free, dutch, split, his treat or my treat. I realized that never once have I had a guy tell me thank you or say they had a good time on the date.

Why is it a kind of defacto that a woman should express gratitude to show her interest and yet the same is not required of a man?

Surprisingly, it doesn't really bother me, but I just realized this is a bit of a double standard.
I don't see it as a man/woman thing either. I almost always thank the other person at the end of the date. If you don't get that then shame on the men you go out with.

You have stated that most of your dates do not turn into second dates, maybe the guys are afraid to say something positive, thinking that it will lead you on.

But, they should thank you for your time anyway. IMHO
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #27  April 13,2011, 1:00pm
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savman wrote :

You have stated that most of your dates do not turn into second dates, maybe the guys are afraid to say something positive, thinking that it will lead you on.
That's what I'm starting to think. But I just at that. I don't see saying thank you or nice to meet you as any indication that the person likes me, simply that they are a polite/nice person.

I mean, do people normally assume that if someone does/say something nice for them it is because the person is into them? Or, maybe it is because people can't imagine someone doing something nice for them without an ulterior motive?

My mom and I visited a bagel shop a while back - it was our first time there and they close at 4. We were there at around 3:30. The guy ended up giving up like 10 free bagels since they just throw them away at the end of the day. Am I suppose to assume he was flirting with us cause he did something nice?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #28  April 13,2011, 1:11pm
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Xable wrote :
I wonder if I don't get those texts and or cordial parting because they *don't* want to go out again? It is a possibility.

You can imagine my horror when, on one date, it was time for us to leave (after 2 and a half hours of talking). The guy said he had to go because he needed to run some errands and had to get up early the next morning. I turned to grab my purse and when I turned back around the guy had already gotten up and left out the door. Honestly, it was more comical than anything because really, who does that? I think the answer is - someone who isn't interested in seeing you again, that's who.
I would not go that far. I'm not everyone's cup of tea and not everyone is my cup of tea either. I don't really know why they always end with a friendly mutual "thank you" of some kind.

Ouch....you are right. That's sooo rude it's almost comical. Sounds like you are picking up some class A jerks.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #29  April 13,2011, 1:52pm
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Xable wrote :
My mom and I visited a bagel shop a while back - it was our first time there and they close at 4. We were there at around 3:30. The guy ended up giving up like 10 free bagels since they just throw them away at the end of the day. Am I suppose to assume he was flirting with us cause he did something nice?
The thing is, he could have been flirting with you. Why not try flirting back? At least you get to practice, even if he's not interested.

You're right. You can't just assume he was flirting with you by giving you the bagels. But you're also wrong to just assume he wasn't flirting with you by giving you the bagels. Maybe he was being nice, or doesn't like to waste food. Or, maybe he didn't care one way or the other about throwing out the bagels, but he liked you, and wanted to show you that. See the difference? You never know.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #30  April 13,2011, 2:00pm
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mitchell175 wrote :
The thing is, he could have been flirting with you. Why not try flirting back? At least you get to practice, even if he's not interested.
Cause I usually don't flirt with the younguns. Flirting in front of you mom is ick. And my mom is so serious you can't flirt around her to save your life. My mom is the nicest, most caring person ever but she had no social skills at all.
 
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