PLEASE TELL ME I DID THE RIGHT THING


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cestlaviecheri is offline cestlaviecheri Post #1  April 12,2011, 7:03am
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I feel so goofy posting this! I met this guy online. We have been talking for about a month, have been out on a few dates and we talk and text everyday (right now he is out of town on business). So we have both established that we really like each other. Over the weekend we started talking about sex. As we are talking he explains to me that he does not have "sex" that when he is "intimate" with a woman it is on a much deeper level, there is connection, it is not just a physical act. Now I was already assuming that he was probably sexually active, most men are. But I already felt he was a little different than the average guy, so when he gave me that explanation, I thought maybe he wasn't sexually active....so I asked him when the last time he was with a woman.......big mistake! His answer was 48 hours! That threw me off. SO I said, "two days ago? I didn't realize you were seeing someone." Then he tells me that he is not seeing anyone and he just kind of shut down. He didn't really offer any type of explanation about who the woman was or anything.

After I digested the information, i sent him an email saying that I had a problem with his answer not because he was necessarily with someone, but based on his definition of intimacy,his answer was a total contradiction. So was he deeply connected with this other woman or is she a jump-off? I then told him I did not want to put energy into someone who didn't know what they wanted. I may have come off a bit harsh. But honestly I was not angry....just really disappointed. I felt like he portrayed one image and then shattered it all in the same conversation.

I am still interested in him. I had said to myself that if he comes to me like a man and wants to have a conversation about this , then perhaps he is worthy. I really expected him to call me to discuss, but I have not heard from him. I am now wondering did I over-react? But I am a firm believer that what is acceptable in the beginning of a relationship will set the pace for the duration.

I would appreciate any thoughts on the situation.
 
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RandomEharmonyMember is offline RandomEharmonyMember Post #2  April 12,2011, 7:13am
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cestlaviecheri wrote :
I feel so goofy posting this! I met this guy online. We have been talking for about a month, have been out on a few dates and we talk and text everyday (right now he is out of town on business). So we have both established that we really like each other. Over the weekend we started talking about sex. As we are talking he explains to me that he does not have "sex" that when he is "intimate" with a woman it is on a much deeper level, there is connection, it is not just a physical act. Now I was already assuming that he was probably sexually active, most men are. But I already felt he was a little different than the average guy, so when he gave me that explanation, I thought maybe he wasn't sexually active....so I asked him when the last time he was with a woman.......big mistake! His answer was 48 hours! That threw me off. SO I said, "two days ago? I didn't realize you were seeing someone." Then he tells me that he is not seeing anyone and he just kind of shut down. He didn't really offer any type of explanation about who the woman was or anything.

After I digested the information, i sent him an email saying that I had a problem with his answer not because he was necessarily with someone, but based on his definition of intimacy,his answer was a total contradiction. So was he deeply connected with this other woman or is she a jump-off? I then told him I did not want to put energy into someone who didn't know what they wanted. I may have come off a bit harsh. But honestly I was not angry....just really disappointed. I felt like he portrayed one image and then shattered it all in the same conversation.

I am still interested in him. I had said to myself that if he comes to me like a man and wants to have a conversation about this , then perhaps he is worthy. I really expected him to call me to discuss, but I have not heard from him. I am now wondering did I over-react? But I am a firm believer that what is acceptable in the beginning of a relationship will set the pace for the duration.

I would appreciate any thoughts on the situation.
Coming from a guy, you should just forget about him and move on. He seems to not know what he wants or he wants sex from partner A and a bond/relationship with partner B or God only knows what is going on in his head.

Good luck.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  April 12,2011, 7:21am
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lol.....he told you what he knows women want to hear but then was too stupid to keep his story consistent. And you are still hoping to see him again, really? Seriously? You know sometimes, your gut reaction is the correct one and you should just thank your lucky stars this all came out so fast. If I were you, I would not be interested in speaking to him again. The only thing he can do is spin some tale that you would actually buy before he trips himself up with reality again. Why waste your time?
 
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LongLocks is offline LongLocks Post #4  April 12,2011, 7:30am
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You did the right thing. Now, it's time for you to move on.
 
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cestlaviecheri is offline cestlaviecheri Post #5  April 12,2011, 7:35am
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You are absolutely right. My first reaction was what an idiot! I do feel like sometimes people make mistakes, but his lack of "response" just makes me believe now more than ever that he is a coward and a liar......dating is so exhausting!
 
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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #6  April 12,2011, 7:41am
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I'm sorry this happened to you but at least, it came early on and not much later. I'm glad your first instinct was right, trust your gut.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  April 12,2011, 7:52am
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DancingFool wrote :
You know sometimes, your gut reaction is the correct one and you should just thank your lucky stars this all came out so fast. If I were you, I would not be interested in speaking to him again.
^^^^ This times 100.

This guy is taking lessons from the Bill Clinton school: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman". Or, er, I mean, "I did not have any deep intimate connection with that woman... it was just sex. So, what's your problem?".
 
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OlderButWiser0549 is online now OlderButWiser0549 Post #8  April 12,2011, 7:53am
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DancingFool wrote :
lol.....he told you what he knows women want to hear but then was too stupid to keep his story consistent...
That about sums it up, right there. He's not only a BS artist, he's an inept BS artist.

Sorry that happened to you. This guy isn't worth your time, forget him and move on.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #9  April 12,2011, 7:55am
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I was on a second date once with a man I was quite interested in and we were chatting about sex and intimacy, and I said something about having been awhile but I am sure I remembered how it worked. When he asked how long I said I think it was about 10 months, maybe? He looked a little odd, then said "Oh. Well, you've got me beat. Mine was yesterday."
Then he proceeded to make matters worse by telling me not to worry, it was nothing serious, just a professional that he visted every week for 'relaxation'. LOL - next.
Be thankful you have this information now instead of a couple of weeks in, when you have developed attachments.
 
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cestlaviecheri is offline cestlaviecheri Post #10  April 12,2011, 8:00am
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lmao...you guys are awesome! I feel sooooo much better!
 
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