Would just like a little closure!


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harleyjane is offline harleyjane Post #1  April 7,2011, 4:46pm
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I have been talking to a man for almost 2 months. We talked several times a week no less than 2-3 hrs each time. It was fun and we had a lot in common. He's in Ca and I'm in Tx. We were making plans for him to visit...he just needed to buy the ticket. But a week went by and he did not call or confirm a flight.
Our last talk was for 2 hrs and was good. He'd gotten a text and asked to call me back. But he never did which is why it was a long week for me-what with all of my over-analyzing and trying to read his mind (unsucessfully of course!)

Last night I sent a text mentioning not hearing from him in a week and asking would he please call or text me and just let me know what he's thinking about our situation. He ignored my text and now I feel like a jerk, like if I'd just have let it be he'd have called. Did I ruin this? Or should he have just answered it?
He's always been laid back (I however, am obviously not). Is there anyway for me to come back from sending that text?
I do feel like I deserve an answer as I spent a lot of time and energy on him. I'm sad that he doesn't want to at least say it was fun while it lasted.
Is attempting to have any sort of closure always in vain?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  April 7,2011, 5:12pm
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Although in general I find it very unappealing to ask "please call or text me and just let me know what he's thinking about our situation" (or any version of self-doubt like this), your partner bloody well ought to be able to do what they say, and communicate in a clear, honest manner - especially given the cost and risk in a distance meeting.

So, in your case, I think the form can be disregarded, and the substance examined.

The substance, here, is a promise to call back which got broke.

Then, a non-reply to your message.

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pisto is offline pisto Post #3  April 7,2011, 5:13pm
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Sounds like he had second thoughts. Never think you should be passive or risk scaring someone away. I think you did the right thing trying to get a hold of him and seeing where he's mind is at, and him continuing to ignore you is a pretty clear answer.

Generally if a guy doesn't call back like he promised and other such behavior, he's either playing games or he's not that interested, either way it's time to move on.

I don't think you did anything wrong here.
 
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pisto is offline pisto Post #4  April 7,2011, 5:15pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Although in general I find it very unappealing to ask "please call or text me and just let me know what he's thinking about our situation"
Sure, that may be unattractive, but would you let any women have the opportunity to think that? I sure as heck wouldn't.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  April 7,2011, 5:29pm
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pisto wrote :
Sure, that may be unattractive, but would you let any women have the opportunity to think that? I sure as heck wouldn't.

Agree. If I say I will call, and I don't, I am likely dead.

That would stink!
 
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harleyjane is offline harleyjane Post #6  April 7,2011, 6:10pm
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D_Lion wrote: "Although in general I find it very unappealing to ask "please call or text me and just let me know what he's thinking about our situation" (or any version of self-doubt like this)

D_Lion:
So are you saying I should have just let it be and never communicated with him again? That might look like it didn't bother me at all and thus what he did was fine.
Last edited by harleyjane; April 7,2011 at 6:46pm.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #7  April 7,2011, 6:24pm
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I agree with the guys. He is either gone or on his way out. NOTHING you did or can do will change that OR should. Your job isn't to pussyfoot around trying to make everything perfect. Your job is to find the most compatible real person to your real situation....which includes, btw, being a little insecure. So while not having the closure is a bummer, dude you were real. Own it. If one "please call" text derails him, he wasn't the right guy.

Plus, I don't know the background but probably he has friends or family saying he is nuts for trying an LTR and buying a plane ticket to meet you. "Aren't there any nice girls in Texas, Johnny? And where were you going to sleep mister?"
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  April 7,2011, 6:34pm
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harleyjane wrote :
I have been talking to a man for almost 2 months. We talked several times a week no less than 2-3 hrs each time. It was fun and we had a lot in common. He's in Ca and I'm in Tx. We were making plans for him to visit...he just needed to buy the ticket. But a week went by and he did not call or confirm a flight.
Our last talk was for 2 hrs and was good. He'd gotten a text and asked to call me back. But he never did which is why it was a long week for me-what with all of my over-analyzing and trying to read his mind (unsucessfully of course!)

Last night I sent a text mentioning not hearing from him in a week and asking would he please call or text me and just let me know what he's thinking about our situation. He ignored my text and now I feel like a jerk, like if I'd just have let it be he'd have called. Did I ruin this? Or should he have just answered it?
He's always been laid back (I however, am obviously not). Is there anyway for me to come back from sending that text?
I do feel like I deserve an answer as I spent a lot of time and energy on him. I'm sad that he doesn't want to at least say it was fun while it lasted.
Is attempting to have any sort of closure always in vain?
well if you just sent the text last night.... i'd wait a little to see what happens.

at this point though, if no response i would write it off. ca to tx isnt THAT far, i mean its not like ca to ny or something. ca to tx is even drivable.

but thats the thing with ldrs. it really does take a large investment to get to know that person, and it should never be attempted with someone that is apathetic. that would be the best reason to let it go. he doesnt sound like he has more than curiosity even though he talks to you on the phone for a couple of hours at a time. and sometimes you have to just write those investments off as a loss. sorry.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #9  April 7,2011, 6:54pm
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harleyjane wrote :
I have been talking to a man for almost 2 months. We talked several times a week no less than 2-3 hrs each time. It was fun and we had a lot in common. He's in Ca and I'm in Tx. We were making plans for him to visit...he just needed to buy the ticket. But a week went by and he did not call or confirm a flight.

He is having doubts on coming to visit you. Especially if you pushed for setting up a meeting point. He may have viewed you as a pen pal and not much else or he is asking himself is this that special someone that I want to meet and get serious with.



Our last talk was for 2 hrs and was good. He'd gotten a text and asked to call me back. But he never did which is why it was a long week for me-what with all of my over-analyzing and trying to read his mind (unsucessfully of course!)

Last night I sent a text mentioning not hearing from him in a week and asking would he please call or text me and just let me know what he's thinking about our situation. He ignored my text and now I feel like a jerk, like if I'd just have let it be he'd have called. Did I ruin this? Or should he have just answered it?
He's always been laid back (I however, am obviously not). Is there anyway for me to come back from sending that text?
I do feel like I deserve an answer as I spent a lot of time and energy on him. I'm sad that he doesn't want to at least say it was fun while it lasted.
Is attempting to have any sort of closure always in vain?

I mentioned something above in the text in blue......What is your normal pattern of talking on the phone once/twice a week or more?
 
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harleyjane is offline harleyjane Post #10  April 7,2011, 6:58pm
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ami1uwant:
He called me every time. He brought up coming to Tx each time we talked as well. I tried to be laid back and not push. I didn't want to put pressure on him at all.

We normally would talk 2 to 3 days in a row and then after 3 or 4 days off, start back with 2-3 days in a row again. Give or take.
Last edited by harleyjane; April 7,2011 at 7:04pm.
 
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