eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  April 7,2011, 2:02pm
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I am TOTALLY loving this new blog by our editor, Jeannie. Seriously, if everyone followed these rules, I think everyone's dating experience would be SO much better.

While we of course welcome and encourage your comments on the blog post itself, I thought this topic was worthy enough of a close look at each of these four new rules on their own.

So, without further ado:

Are you able to avoid making assumptions in your dating life? Or do you find yourself constantly analyzing what he/she said?

Based on your interactions with them, how much do you think those you date make assumptions about you?
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #2  April 7,2011, 4:39pm
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I make a lot of assumptions while dating, and I tend to analyze everything like crazy. That's just my personality. I don't even bother trying to not analyze---I try to avoid acting on my "assumptions" unless I am very sure about them.

For example, when I recently suggested going to a restaurant that had "tavern" in the name, a date of mine reacted in a surprisingly negative way, saying, oddly "we don't go to taverns." I said, "What do you mean, 'we'?" and she said "her family." I explained that the restaurant in question was not primarily a "bar," even though "tavern" was in the name. However, something about the way she said it made it occur to me that she could be a member of a particular religious group that was opposed to drinking alcohol in general. Later, I asked where she went to high school, and she deflected the question. I then said, "Were you home-schooled?" This would have been a major assumption on my part, but the answer was "yes." Eventually, I did find out that she was a member of the religious group which I was thinking of.

Now, I wouldn't necessarily have had a problem with any of that, as such, because I'm pretty tolerant and I don't drink much, but it made me uncomfortable that she seemed uncomfortable about it. I would not have just refused a second date based on any of that analysis however.

It's in my nature to analyze and theorize a great deal, I guess, but I try to withhold judgment until I have much more information, over a relatively long period of time. Of course---a "long period " of time usually doesn't occur, in most cases, because the woman in question usually doesn't accept a request for a second date


[And yes, I know that based on what I've written, someone is going to say, "that's because she feels judged and analyzed"---give me a little credit for having common sense. I can carry on a pleasant conversation and flirt, while making observations and filing them away at the same time.]
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  April 7,2011, 4:57pm
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I do my best to use pattern recognition and statistical modelling to make the best possible conclusion the yet-available data support.

All the while seeking better data.

This, I am convinced, is proof I am very cool.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  April 8,2011, 7:26am
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
Are you able to avoid making assumptions in your dating life? Or do you find yourself constantly analyzing what he/she said?

Based on your interactions with them, how much do you think those you date make assumptions about you?
I mostly take people at their word and assume that what I heard IS what they said.

I think that those I have dated were not trying to over analyze what I said.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #5  April 8,2011, 9:55am
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wrote :
Are you able to avoid making assumptions in your dating life? Or do you find yourself constantly analyzing what he/she said?


I try not to make assumptions in my dating life and I do tend to be analytical, but a part of the latter is due to the poor communication I receive from my dates. There would be no need to make assumptions if I am given proper communication. In all, I can't say that I never make assumptions. But, I will say that I do try to give someone the benefit of the doubt in any given situation, but I also impose statues of limitations and will come to a conclusion when I am not given a direct answer to whatever is needed to be known. I have no other choice but to function this way.

wrote :
Based on your interactions with them, how much do you think those you date make assumptions about you?


I am sure all make assumptions about me. But, are these assumptions based on me not telling said person where she stands with me or is it based on said woman not making any attempts to find out where she stands with me? My questions does make a difference.

B.Y.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  April 8,2011, 10:03am
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This is a pitfall of mine. I have an over-active, highly analytical beast living in my skull.

I have made a lot of progress though with remembering that all those thoughts in my head are entirely manufactured by me and may bear no relation to reality.

Perhaps I would be surprised to find out that the men I'm dealing with are doing this as much as me? Naaah ... I don't think so. LOL!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #7  April 8,2011, 11:44am
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To assume...makes an Ass of U and Me.

Clever as it is, I can't really take credit for that; owe it to a very clever friend.

I try not to assume...and I don't care to drive myself crazy analyzing each and every little thing.

So, I am direct and honest with people...and I find they return the favor. I make sure people know where I stand; I make it my business to know where others stand.

Assumptions are not helpful, and neither is analysis ad nauseum.

j8a
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 8,2011, 2:20pm
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j0hn8andy wrote :
... neither is analysis ad nauseum.

But it's a lot of Fun!
 
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