New Rule of Dating #1: Your Word


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Odira is offline Odira Post #11  April 8,2011, 7:36am
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It's pretty interesting that everyone who has responded to this thread claims that they don't lie but that 99% of their dates have. I wonder how those dates would answer this question.

I guess if you are a compulsive liar you wouldn't want to advertise that fact and so are ominously silent on this thread.

I am honest to a fault in every aspect of my life. I usually tell people not to ask me a question if they don't want a truthful answer. Being truthful does not always endear you to people.

Unfortunately - for women at least - we are taught to be 'nice' and that often means playing fast and loose with the truth. That's why they say they had a nice time on their date whether they really mean this or not.

Some men would rather be told the truth at the end of a date (I don't think we are really compatible), but many would rather hear what they want to hear and then when the woman flakes out they can complain about what a liar and a loser she is.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #12  April 8,2011, 8:59am
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Odira wrote :
It's pretty interesting that everyone who has responded to this thread claims that they don't lie but that 99% of their dates have. I wonder how those dates would answer this question.

I guess if you are a compulsive liar you wouldn't want to advertise that fact and so are ominously silent on this thread.

I am honest to a fault in every aspect of my life. I usually tell people not to ask me a question if they don't want a truthful answer. Being truthful does not always endear you to people.

Unfortunately - for women at least - we are taught to be 'nice' and that often means playing fast and loose with the truth. That's why they say they had a nice time on their date whether they really mean this or not.

Some men would rather be told the truth at the end of a date (I don't think we are really compatible), but many would rather hear what they want to hear and then when the woman flakes out they can complain about what a liar and a loser she is.



The comment in red made me giggle.
The only dates I have known for sure to have lied were those who lied in profiles about smoking and marital status, and came clean either before meeting, at which point I cancelled, or on the first date. If others have lied to me I wasn't aware of it.
 
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Uncle Apple is offline Uncle Apple Post #13  April 8,2011, 9:46am
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I have never lied. But it's my experience, that an oath tends to get ignored, by the other person.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #14  April 8,2011, 9:50am
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wrote :
In dating, are you impeccable with your word? Do you say what you mean? Are you careful about what you say? Do you speak truthfully and honestly?


Absolutely! My word is my bond and I live by that to the fullest!

wrote :
And, to what extent (on a percentage basis) do you think the people you date are impeccable with THEIR word?


I don't think I can remember anyone who holds her bonded word in high regard or at least not on my level.

B.Y.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #15  April 8,2011, 9:59am
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I don't remember ever telling a bald-faced lie, but sometimes I have not shared shall we say "full reality" with the other person. That is, I don't say everything I think. But if it comes out my mouth, I believe it to be true at the time I'm saying it.

I'm not aware of having been absolutely lied to, although at times people may have said "I'm sick" when they weren't or something, but I wouldn't know about that.

I have been cheated on a couple time by guys who had promised fidelity. That's one big lie!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #16  April 8,2011, 7:07pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
An aside - the term "impeccable with your word" comes from a book which the title and author escapes me at the moment. As that author defined the term it is basically impossible for any human to achieve, including the author and that was the first problem that I had with his concepts.
Not familiar with the book. But I knew there was some reason I hesitated to use "impeccable" to describe mine...or anybody else's...word.

j8a
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #17  April 8,2011, 7:30pm
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Odira wrote :
It's pretty interesting that everyone who has responded to this thread claims that they don't lie but that 99% of their dates have. I wonder how those dates would answer this question.

You might have not noticed the context?

Men are reminding readers that very many women say "Yes, I'd like to see you again" (while inducing him to pay) and subsequently poof.

Thus, the male experience is most women lie.
 
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Odira is offline Odira Post #18  April 8,2011, 8:45pm
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[quote=D_Lion;1306356]You might have not noticed the context?

Men are reminding readers that very many women say "Yes, I'd like to see you again" (while inducing him to pay) and subsequently poof.

My response was not gender based; merely an observation of the answers.

I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but as written your comment about women "inducing" men to pay for the date comes across as somewhat resentful. I always insist on splitting the bill to avoid the appearance of 'taking advantage.'

Perhaps you should consider trying what happened to me on a date a while ago. My date conveniently forgot to bring his wallet after inviting me to a rather expensive restaurant. Of course he didn't realize this until after the meal.

D_Lion wrote :
Thus, the male experience is most women lie.
This is truly unfortunate and makes me ashamed. I don't have an explanation for why women feel the need - or the entitlement - to be dishonest in this way. Perhaps they've been able to get away with it for so long it becomes a way of life. On a personal and admittedly selfish level, I resent that I am also tainted because of the bad behaviour of other women.
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #19  April 8,2011, 9:07pm
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Odira wrote :
It's pretty interesting that everyone who has responded to this thread claims that they don't lie but that 99% of their dates have. I wonder how those dates would answer this question.

I guess if you are a compulsive liar you wouldn't want to advertise that fact and so are ominously silent on this thread.

I am honest to a fault in every aspect of my life. I usually tell people not to ask me a question if they don't want a truthful answer. Being truthful does not always endear you to people.

Unfortunately - for women at least - we are taught to be 'nice' and that often means playing fast and loose with the truth. That's why they say they had a nice time on their date whether they really mean this or not.

Some men would rather be told the truth at the end of a date (I don't think we are really compatible), but many would rather hear what they want to hear and then when the woman flakes out they can complain about what a liar and a loser she is.

Well, you see, the thing is, it's one thing to "not tell the whole truth" and it's another thing to lie.

I don't want a woman to throw out all tact in the name of honesty, and say, "Wow, you looked so much better in your pictures" or "God, you're boring in person," or "I only went on this date in the first place because our mutual friend really pressured me" or something like that.

But she can still avoid actively saying things which aren't true.

I have been on some very nice dates with women, who concluded the date by saying, "I had a very nice time, thank you for dinner, it was nice meeting you."

Frankly, I think it probably is nice meeting me, so this is probably true

If she ends up declining a second-date or ignoring future calls, I have no problem with this, in the sense of honesty. (Of course, if I like her, I will be still be disappointed and feel kind of rejected, but I won't feel she was dishonest."

Notice that it is perfectly polite to thank me, and say she had a nice time meeting me. You won't hear me complain about this type of "being nice."

But what she didn't say, which a lot do is I really had a great time, I'd like to see you again OR in response to me saying, "I had a great time, how about we [do such and such] next weekend?" ... Response: "Yes, I'd love, too."

Well, if she says either of those things, and then cancels the second-date, then she either (1) changed her mind in rather fickle-seeming way or (2) lied about her desire to go on a second date.

I'll even cut her a little slack, in the sense that if I am the first one to propose a second meeting at the end of the first, and maybe she's timid and feels pressured by me to say "yes." (Kind of silly-seeming, as I am not a "high-pressure salesman" by any means, but ok ...) It's really annoying when she is the first to say, "This was great, I'd like to do something again next week" and then doesn't answer your call the next day ... I mean, why even bother saying that?




EDIT: just so you know, I wrote this while you were posting (immediately above)
Last edited by FaintestInkling; April 8,2011 at 9:29pm.
 
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Legasher is offline Legasher Post #20  April 8,2011, 10:40pm
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FaintestInkling wrote :
I'll even cut her a little slack, in the sense that if I am the first one to propose a second meeting at the end of the first, and maybe she's timid and feels pressured by me to say "yes." (Kind of silly-seeming, as I am not a "high-pressure salesman" by any means, but ok ...) It's really annoying when she is the first to say, "This was great, I'd like to do something again next week" and then doesn't answer your call the next day ... I mean, why even bother saying that?
No kidding. I went out a few times with this girl - very pretty, full of attitude, great laugh - I really liked her. She was a full time massage therapy student. We hung out once, then went on one date. She said she'd love to do it again. The time for the second date came up and she said she was still hanging out with her friends, could we do it another time? I said sure, but the next time she didn't even show up! She said she had just fallen asleep. Overall, I think we went out three or four times, but scheduled nine or ten(!). She stood me up without even texting at least twice. Each time she had an excuse and was quick to schedule another date. A couple times she seemed to blame me for being upset because I should have realized how busy she was, but I don't think wanting to see her once a week was all that demanding (considering there was usually two or three weeks in between with all her flaking). Then she told me she wasn't interested in going out, but made me pinky promise (Yes you may roll your eyes. Yes, this is a full grown adult woman) to still hang out with her. Despite that, she blew me off the next few times. Don't ask why I gave her so many chances or why I kept trying, but that's what happened.

All I'm saying is that that is one example of a girl who went out of her way to say that everything was fine when everything else clearly said that it wasn't.
Last edited by Legasher; April 9,2011 at 3:54pm.
 
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