Go grease lightning? Getting inside his head...


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ann_the_bold is offline ann_the_bold Post #1  April 6,2011, 1:23pm
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is trying to work and not in the mood!

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I'm sorry I keep hopping back on with questions, disappearing and reappearing with more...I feel like a Whack-a-mole *BONK*

So I need a neutral party to help me get inside this guy's head. After a great first date last week, gentleman and I took the weekend to gather our thoughts (I said casually I had a very nice time 2 days after and he responded in kind) but no firm plans made for date 2.

So here we are a week later. Lucky me gets the flu and am out Monday. Tuesday I drag myself into school because my lesson plan was just too complicated to explain to even the best sub. I felt so ill by days' end I knew today (Wednesday) just wasn't going to happen. About 5 pm last nite I am finishing my sub plans when I hear him tinkering around in the auto shop 2 doors down. I want to say hi so I stop in and see what's going on.

So here he is rebuilding an engine, dressed in grimy coveralls, knee-deep in gaskets and bolts and looking all kinds of cute. Here I am pale, feverish, coughing up a lung and giddy to see him. He smiled and said "Hey, I'm having a crappy week so give me till the end of the week and then do you want to go out again for drinks?" Of course I do and say yes. We chat for a few minutes then I said, "Well, I'm going to go I'm feeling miserable and I need to home and rest." "Don't you want to stick around?" he teases. I say no but make no move to go.

3 hours later he finished putting the engine together. I am SO NOT A CAR PERSON but because he's so fun to be around I was actually interested. He patiently answered all my questions, explained to me what he was doing, boasted about when he did a good job making a gasket (or whatever the heck he was doing) and by the end I was handing him tools and finding washers/nuts/bolts he kept losing. I think I am now a licensed auto mechanic in the state of South Dakota. And possibly North Dakota. The conversation was nothing heavy--mostly revolved around cars, hobbies, our impending pay cut and with tools, lube, hoses, etc. of course there were tons of double entendres (yes, we spend waaaaaay too much time with 15-year-olds)

Even though the garage doors were wide open the fumes were making me ill. I went back to my room a few times to fetch various objects (sweater, Pepto Bismal) and every time he said, "You're not going to bail out on me, right? I make my students come back from the bathroom and you do, too!" The night offiicially ended when maintenance staff found us in the shop and one of them yelled down the hall "Hey! The lovebirds are back here!" (I turned scarlet, he didn't say anything or even seemed like he cared.)

Now, I know I would not have spent 3+ hours in an auto body shop with noxious fumes and getting dirty in my work clothes if I didn't genuinely care about the person I was spending time with. What I am wondering is what he is thinking. He clearly didn't mind my company but he has yet to ask for my number, attempt to make a move nor did he ask me out for dinner last nite after finishing the car (probably didn't help I couldn't hold anything down).

Are we just buddies? Is he shy? He always seems so self-assured in everything he does. Do I pursue? Let him pursue? Intellectually I know I should let things grow organically but I really, really like this guy and don't want to be some crazy chick. He's just so easy to be around and the more time I spend with him the more I like him.

Any and all insights would be appreciated. Our school is putting on 'Grease' next week and I was thinking of asking him to go but I don't want to spook him or ruin things. Thanks!
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #2  April 6,2011, 2:17pm
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I have no idea what this guy is thinking, but I have to ask: Do you really want to be in the giddy first stages of dating this teacher with all of your students and coworkers around to see it?

"Ooh, did you see Ms. Bold and Mr. Goodwrench making googly eyes at each other during "Grease"? I thought they were going to make out right there. How gross!"

When I was in the 8th grade, the gym teacher and my science teacher started dating. It was obvious to everyone, and for 8th graders, pretty gross.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #3  April 6,2011, 2:20pm
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"intellectually i know i should let it grow organically. but i really realy like this guy an don't want to be some crazy chick"

lol... and yet they always chooose to be crazy chicks in the end by not letting it grow organically.. lol.... women *rolls eyes playfully*

What are you two? Don't know. Time will tell, so let TIME TELL YOU! Now if you want to be impatient and push it a little (rather then let it grow organically, as you know you should) you can ask him out if you'd like. There's nothing wrong with girls asking guys out.

but i go back to your original statement. Why is it, that if you know you should let it be a certain way, that you'd insist on letting that fly out the window and do it a different way? Why?

Keep doing what you're doing and you will find out in time. nudge it off its natural course and you take some risks and must accept those risks. And it's okay to ask guys out if it feels like the right thing to do and natural thing hat would come up between you (rather than your desperate throw-in to figure out where ou are at with the guy).

Richey
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  April 6,2011, 2:28pm
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If you're spending time together alone, and neither has another partner, then there ought to be at least something (since if you were "a friend," then he would probably be seeking a partner.)

I would not consider hanging out at work to be "alone time" - especially since he seemed to be working.

I don't personally use the language "ask someone out:" interest in meeting must be mutual, or the person is incompatible and I have no interest in them. I propose meetings - and who proposes is not meaningful.

If I were in his (or your) situation I would have already proposed a meeting for the upcoming weekend (or, if I was unable to make that weekend, make either a plan for when I would be available, or at minimum a plan for how I would communicate once my schedule was known.)

***

The person sounds un-aggressive to me. That's not a bad thing. As long as a reasonable level of progress is being made, and you're compatible.

The worst hypothesis is he isn't attracted enough to do more than "hang out."
 
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pisto is offline pisto Post #5  April 6,2011, 2:54pm
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Ummm he asked you out for drinks? Just bump into him by the end of the week (when you're feeling better) so he'll remember. QED
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #6  April 6,2011, 4:07pm
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He likes you, he likes you, he likes you!

Is there a date set for these drinks??? If not make one, if so, at the end of that date ask him to dinner if he doens't ask you first. Say something specific, like, why don't we got out to dinner next Saturday night?

I think the reason he hasn't asked for your numbers is because you are so available to contact in person at the school. You are enabling this.

Try to enjoy the process as it unfolds organically, these are the special and magical moments of a love affair, never will this mix of excitement and anticipation be available, as the relationship grows so does the familiarity and comfort level, security is gained, but some magic is lost in this process.

Guys are not in a rush, scared for various reasons, from something as simple as rejection to leading you on with grand promises when at this early point, they are midly interested, intrigued by the possibility of there being something here.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  April 6,2011, 4:12pm
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hes sounding buddy-ish to me. he asked you out for drinks again, not dinner.

the thing in the garage might have been okay, but you were sick, and he let you help him (whats up with that?)

i would let him take the lead from here and try not to "show up" anywhere just to see him.

take care of yourself
 
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pisto is offline pisto Post #8  April 6,2011, 4:42pm
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Wow I actually agree with Nanette on something... it does seem inconsiderate he coaxed you into staying when you were obviously sick.

However, on the point of just doing you're own thing and hoping he chases you - well, that just's as inconsiderate - and self-absorbed, to boot! It gives a guy a good dose of confidence when a woman reciprocates and shows interest. Playing indifferent or acting as if it's his job alone to drive the relationship is a huge turnoff and very unattractive.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #9  April 6,2011, 4:55pm
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"Hey, I'm having a crappy week so give me till the end of the week and then do you want to go out again for drinks?"


What is he saying here.....???

He already basically asked you about a date this weekend...why ask again at the end of the day?
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #10  April 6,2011, 4:59pm
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Is he careful with this...absolutely...remember this is a career for him and he doesnt want to mess that up so he liely is going to take this slowly until he knows for sure with you.

He also sees that you are sick so he isnt going to plan some detailed date with you for this weekend because he knew you were out earlier this weeke and sees you now and sees you still arent the best so he knows he isnt sure of how you will feel on Friday so nothing big planned because of that.
 
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