When does dating require an official break up?


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sarasunshine is offline sarasunshine Post #1  April 6,2011, 12:57pm
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I know that when you are official in a relationship with someone that you need to break up with them in person. But what do you do with someone you only saw a couple of times over 2 1/2 months. Our last date was over a month ago. I saw him at my church one weekend we had an awkward conversation. It wasn't the right place to say anything then. But by the tone of the conversation he should have gotten the hint. He tried to communicate with me 2x in the last month (1 phone call, 1 text), but both times it were not good times to have that conversation. One text said I hope we could see each other some time? Which I didn't answer because I don't won't to turn someone down by text, I really couldn't decide what to do. Two weeks passed with no interaction so I assumed he finally understood I didn't want to date. Last night I get a text saying, Could we talk? Which it was too late to talk when I got it. So what should I do? Usually I would tell someone to their face or on the phone, but I have never dealt with someone like him before. Part of the reason I don't want to date him is he will only ask me out or communicate by text. Even though I told him to call me instead. I think he knows I want no more dates, that's why he texted Could we talk? I am annoyed because I feel like he wouldn't put himself out there to call me on the phone (even his invites for dates were via text), but he expects me to call him. Can I text him that I don't think we are compatible?, do I owe him anything after a couple of dates?, do I have to call someone who wouldn't call me until I ignored texting?
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #2  April 6,2011, 1:15pm

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sarasunshine wrote :
I know that when you are official in a relationship with someone that you need to break up with them in person. But what do you do with someone you only saw a couple of times over 2 1/2 months. Our last date was over a month ago. I saw him at my church one weekend we had an awkward conversation. It wasn't the right place to say anything then. But by the tone of the conversation he should have gotten the hint. He tried to communicate with me 2x in the last month (1 phone call, 1 text), but both times it were not good times to have that conversation. One text said I hope we could see each other some time? Which I didn't answer because I don't won't to turn someone down by text, I really couldn't decide what to do. Two weeks passed with no interaction so I assumed he finally understood I didn't want to date. Last night I get a text saying, Could we talk? Which it was too late to talk when I got it. So what should I do? Usually I would tell someone to their face or on the phone, but I have never dealt with someone like him before. Part of the reason I don't want to date him is he will only ask me out or communicate by text. Even though I told him to call me instead. I think he knows I want no more dates, that's why he texted Could we talk? I am annoyed because I feel like he wouldn't put himself out there to call me on the phone (even his invites for dates were via text), but he expects me to call him. Can I text him that I don't think we are compatible?, do I owe him anything after a couple of dates?, do I have to call someone who wouldn't call me until I ignored texting?
Would it really kill you to just tell the guy clearly and succinctly?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  April 6,2011, 1:16pm
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When someone can't take the hint, it's best to be clear and direct with them. In his case you don't owe anything more than a text saying it was nice getting to know him a little more but you don't feel there is any potential for more and therefore further discussion is not warranted. Good luck and goodbye. Of course make it a little nicer than that. This is just rough gist. However, I would recommend that you are very clear that he should not pursue you any further. So don't offer to be friends or whatever and don't let him suck you into any discussions or negotiations.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  April 6,2011, 1:17pm
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i would ignore it. he sounds so incredibly passive.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  April 6,2011, 1:18pm
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and passive men want to put it on you to take the initiative.
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #6  April 6,2011, 1:21pm
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Nanette wrote :
i would ignore it. he sounds so incredibly passive.

I almost agree with you. This guy does sound like a total wimp, but that's no excuse to be rude and ignoring people is rude when all it takes is a 2 second conversation.

People have different personalities. Maybe he's a little shy and that's why he's coming off as passive. No reason to be mean.

ignoring him = mean/rude
Stringing him along by not being adult enough to have an awkward conversation = mean/rude/immature/pathetic.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #7  April 6,2011, 1:21pm
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Because your reason for breaking up with him is because he only texts, and won't call you (a rather odd reason to break up with somebody)....

I say that you must call him to tell him it's over.

Put your money where your mouth is in other words. I mean, if you can't even abide by YOUR own rules ~ then who are you to put your rules on anybody else?

CALL HIM.... TELL HIM.....

Richey
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 6,2011, 2:33pm
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I would have said it in person at the time I reached the decision.

Failing that, I would use e-mail (they can reply when and if they wish, and have time to decide how to reply.)

Calling is also fine, if your favor it.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  April 6,2011, 4:16pm
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jimmyh452 wrote :
I almost agree with you. This guy does sound like a total wimp, but that's no excuse to be rude and ignoring people is rude when all it takes is a 2 second conversation.

People have different personalities. Maybe he's a little shy and that's why he's coming off as passive. No reason to be mean.

ignoring him = mean/rude
Stringing him along by not being adult enough to have an awkward conversation = mean/rude/immature/pathetic.
if he has a phone he can call her. it doesnt make her rude because he doesnt call her.

shes already asked him to call her and not text, and here he is texting her. how does this make her rude?
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #10  April 6,2011, 4:45pm
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It is irresponsible of you to not communicate your thoughts to him, it doesn't matter how, what matters at this point is that you buck up and offer clarity and closure. This is the decent and kind action to take.

In the future, if you date another, be very clear at the onset about your expectations regarding communication.
 
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