Is it ever OK to date a friend's ex?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  April 6,2011, 11:19am
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Would you ever consider dating the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend of a friend of yours?

Does your opinion change if it's an ex-husband or ex-wife?

If a friend approached you to ask if you'd have a problem with them dating YOUR ex, what would be your response?
Last edited by eHA_Admin_Lori; April 6,2011 at 11:24am.
 
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Bronzino is offline Bronzino Post #2  April 6,2011, 11:26am
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I would never date a friend's ex-boyfriend of ex-husband because I fear it would damage the friendship in some way. Long-lasting friendships are way more important to me. The next thing I think is that if this person were so great, why isn't my friend still with them? If a friend asked me to date one of my exes - I would probably say that I wasn't comfortable with it, but I wouldn't tell them what they can or can't do as they are adults.
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #3  April 6,2011, 11:54am
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
Would you ever consider dating the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend of a friend of yours?

Does your opinion change if it's an ex-husband or ex-wife?

If a friend approached you to ask if you'd have a problem with them dating YOUR ex, what would be your response?
I can't imagine I would feel comfortable dating a friend's ex. And if a friend asked about dating mine, I would say "Are you crazy??"
 
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richey is offline richey Post #4  April 6,2011, 12:06pm
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Funny you should ask. I really wanted to once! lol
(hs buddy of mine who i spent a lot of time with, but didnt' see eye to eye on many things, used to date this model in Asia ~ who is a rather famous person in Asia now). We go introduced and she and I had a slight spark there. She gave me her number and tld me to call her and "she'd give me a REAL tour of Hong Kong" (meaning how she knew my buddy, who she used to date, probably was doing a horrible job of being a tourguide to me ~ which was absolutely true).

OMG. TO THIS DAY I kick myself for not calling her and agreeing to that the next day. BUT... i ended up calling her and saying I was looking forward to seeing her at the group diner and dancing later that night before I left hong kong.

big mistake. and yet, a big NOT mistake at the same time lol

Richey
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #5  April 6,2011, 12:09pm
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Only with expressed written/verbal consent.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #6  April 6,2011, 12:10pm
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oh.. i actually did have a friend of mine ask if he had my permission to ask my ex- out. I said yes absoloutely. I guess because 1. it was such a bad break up that i really didn't care for her so much anymore and thus had gotten over her. 2. in a weird way, i knew they'd never end up going out lol.

So I guess my answer to both sides is ~ it really depends on the situation and who we're talking about. If it's a long-time close friend who I hang with every day and is in my inner circle, and I truly believed in the guy and his character ~ I'd probably not date his ex's. (Hell, I didn't date the ex- of somebody I didn't believe in and wasn't that close to... so no big mysterday there).

On the flip side, if it was somebody I was truly over and I could tell they wanted to get together for the right reasons (meaning there really was somethign there enough for them to still want to get together even with the "me" factor), then I will probably be okay with it. If they're just hookin up to hook up, I probably wouldn't react to it so well.

Richey
 
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pltkcelestial18 is offline pltkcelestial18 Post #7  April 6,2011, 12:40pm
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I think it would all be situational. What are your feelings for the ex? How close are you to the friend? What are their intentions?

I dated briefly a guy I lived with when I first moved in(we dated about a month). He's a great guy and someone I still consider a good friend. We continued to live together even after we broke up (we broke up because he was more interested in someone else). My best friend and her boyfriend at the time were going through lots of problems and they eventually broke up and she dated and eventually married my roommmate and they're now expecting their second child.

In this case, we only dated a month and by the time they started dating, I was more than over him and I knew she had feelings for him for a long time so I was fine with it. When I visit them now, I'm very happy for them and know that they are very happy together.

If I were really close to the friend who's ex I was considering dating, I would definitely ask her how she feels about it.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 6,2011, 2:39pm
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
Would you ever consider dating the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend of a friend of yours?
Absolutely.

The one thing (their suitability as a partner of mine) has nothing to do with the other (the fact of having once been a partner of someone I know.)

The overwhelming likelihood is that the prior relationship(s) ended for reasons specific to them as a couple.


eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
Does your opinion change if it's an ex-husband or ex-wife?
Only insofar as being divorced is worthy of additional investigation in its own right.


eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
If a friend approached you to ask if you'd have a problem with them dating YOUR ex, what would be your response?
"That is not for me to comment on."

I would only warn off a friend if there was a fact-based reason my prior partner was bad news. Otherwise, both a free adults, and I have no interest or say in what they do.
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #9  April 6,2011, 2:51pm
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Nope...I wouldn't date an ex (former boyfriend or husband) of any of my friends.

But then, I know their men (past and present) and none are appealing to me in any way, shape, or form.

On the other hand...if one of my friends wanted to date any of my exes I would say gleefully "Have at it"...anything that would keep him from still focusing on me and my business after all these years is always welcome.
 
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beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #10  April 6,2011, 3:15pm
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I would never go after a friends ex. I think I would be hurt if a friend went after one of mine.
 
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