Is it ever OK to date a friend's ex?


Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
tinaroonie is offline tinaroonie Post #11  April 6,2011, 3:36pm
tinaroonie's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2010

Posts: 585

See profile

My sister did just this, way back. I knew she was in love with her friend's boyfriend at the time. The two of them would come and hang out at our place together all the time, and I could see the looks between them. But my sister was smart enough not to do anything to break them up. But as soon as they broke up, my sister and him got together. Her friend had absolutely no issues with it, as that was not the reason they broke up. My sister and this guy didn't last very long, I will admit though, no more than a year. He was mister right now, not mister forever, and even I could see that at a young age.

I personally would not have a problem dating someone I know's ex. For me it's all about how well I know the person whose ex it is. A few of my very close friends, I would not ever think about it, but with anyone else, if I was interested, sure. And no, I would not date someone who dated my sister, no way.

If someone I knew asked me for permission to date my ex, I'd let them, unless I knew something really bad about them, and then I'd give my friend the info, and let them make their own decision.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #12  April 6,2011, 3:37pm
Harryoss's Avatar

chooses his words carefully. (Most of the time!)

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Los Angeles, CA (SF Valley)

Posts: 1,176

See profile

My rule for this kind of thing is that if I'm going to date a friend's ex, I'd have to make sure that he is completely over her and she is completely over him before I do so... And the only way to be sure of that is if their relationship has been over for a long period of time... and for good measure, if they've both had other relationships since having broken up (rebound relationships don't count!).

AND I'd obviously have to get his consent before doing anything.

If those conditions are met, I'd date a friend's ex, and I'd be OK with them dating mine.
 
  Reply With Quote
truth32 is offline truth32 Post #13  April 6,2011, 4:13pm
truth32's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 208

See profile

I'm with harryoss on this one... I'd be open to it only after a LONG time passed, if they were both over it and both still had respect for the other. I'd only proceed if my friend gave clear consent as well.

I think I'd be ok with the reverse situation as well, IF the same rules applied. But I honestly wouldn't be ok with my friends dating most of my ex's, because of character flaws.

I had one ex contact my very best friend/sister the NIGHT we broke up to hit on her. She freaked out, told him to stop, and ignored the rest of the calls/texts. I think she ended up feeling more sick over it than I did!
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #14  April 6,2011, 7:40pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

They direction that I look at this is that if I have a friend who has decided that a particular girl is not right (good enough) for him then why would I think that she is going to be right for me.
OR
If it was the girl who had broken up with my friend then why would I want to then be with her.

Also I do not move someone I am dating into being friends if we decide to stop dating. If I had romantic feelings for someone I do not what to continue to see them on a friendship / social level and be reminded of the feelings that I had in the past. I would presume that my friend would feel the same way about an ex. This would then mean that I would have to always have to separate the ex that I am dating from my friends.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #15  April 6,2011, 7:42pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

On a side note there is a current commercial, for AT&T I think, where the basis of the commercial is exactly this question.
 
  Reply With Quote
Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #16  April 7,2011, 6:56am
Lindac7's Avatar

says: "Come and stand beside us, we can find a better way."

Veteran

Joined: May 2008

Portland, Oregon

Posts: 1,279

See profile

I'm with D Lion on this one. He said it very succinctly. Just because A + B didn't work doesn't mean that B + C won't work.

Of course the specific situation makes a difference, too, so I would take all factors into consideration first.

I had this happen to me ONCE so far in my entire life. A girlfriend of mine had been dating a man (one of a few men she was dating), and I had been dating her brother. Her brother and I had recently broken up, so she invited me on a double date to meet someone new. Of course we all know what happened, right? The guy I was set up with was not a good fit for me, but the guy with my girlfriend was quite interested in me. He actually tracked me down at work to ask me out. Apparently I had told him where I worked but didn't remember telling him that, but that was all he knew, so he had to work pretty hard to find me.

When he called, I told him I'd have to talk to my girlfriend first. She had told me she was just using him for free dinners, etc. If I had had any inkling that she had any feelings for him I never would have considered it.

Bottom line, she blew up at me for even considering going out with him.
 
  Reply With Quote
dmi is offline dmi Post #17  April 7,2011, 7:57am
dmi's Avatar

dreams of Pyramids and Empires

Power Poster

Joined: May 2010

East Coast

Posts: 5,791

See profile

I wouldn't do it and when I think about the exes, there are some I wouldn't mind and others I would. The ones I would mind are ones I just don't want to be around and the whole bit of I'll do things with you as long as your gf isn't around is a really bad situation.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Monday, April 4th weekend and date roundup! | Dating | Do you play their favorite song or yours? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Friends for three years, brokeup after an "unofficial" relationship for six weeks, best friends still possible? italianstalion Ask a Dating Expert 18 July 30,2011 5:12pm
Sex ratio of your friends? windsurfing About You 26 August 31,2010 9:21pm
Friends to you but enemies to your love life? eHA_Admin_Lori Dating 27 August 11,2010 10:05pm
Do You Friends Help or Hinder Your Dating Life? greg75 Dating 22 July 2,2010 4:33pm
Why is it easy for girls to be friends after one date? FLsportsguy0503 Dating 16 October 30,2009 7:40pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:54am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0