centxlady is offline centxlady Post #1  April 4,2011, 9:55pm
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Last edited by centxlady; April 6,2011 at 4:13pm.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  April 4,2011, 10:44pm
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Hi centxlady and welcome to EHA!

A lot of people say "don't do it! You're risking your job. What if it crashes and burns and you still have to work together!" And that's all something to think about.

OTOH, work is a good place to meet people ... you get to see what they're like, how they interact with others, and so on.

Check with your company's HR policy on workplace relationships -- if your company frowns on them, that's a big problem.

As far as the kid question goes ... you should let him know fairly early on that you can't have kids, in case that's something he can't deal with. But it's not really a question of "fairness" ... it's up to him to make his choices about that.

And the age thing (it's really a 3-fold question you've asked!) -- Don't know how old you are, but as long as you're not dating a child -- or maybe with a 6-year difference, a teenager -- if it works for the 2 of you, it works.

You must have a job with 24-hour shifts? Do you think that tends to make attraction happen? I would imagine so ...
 
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deluxe is offline deluxe Post #3  April 5,2011, 12:51am
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Has he asked you out?
 
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centxlady is offline centxlady Post #4  April 5,2011, 2:10am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Hi centxlady and welcome to EHA!

A lot of people say "don't do it! You're risking your job. What if it crashes and burns and you still have to work together!" And that's all something to think about.

OTOH, work is a good place to meet people ... you get to see what they're like, how they interact with others, and so on.

Check with your company's HR policy on workplace relationships -- if your company frowns on them, that's a big problem.

As far as the kid question goes ... you should let him know fairly early on that you can't have kids, in case that's something he can't deal with. But it's not really a question of "fairness" ... it's up to him to make his choices about that.

And the age thing (it's really a 3-fold question you've asked!) -- Don't know how old you are, but as long as you're not dating a child -- or maybe with a 6-year difference, a teenager -- if it works for the 2 of you, it works.

You must have a job with 24-hour shifts? Do you think that tends to make attraction happen? I would imagine so ...
Thanks Sassafras:

Your correct it is a 3 fold question.

I have reviewed the company policy and there is no policy so that part is good. I do work 24 hour shifts and have only worked one with him so I don't think that is what is causing the attraction. I have known him for over 3 years now but only recently got to know him better then just saying hello when we pass and yes I always thought he was physically attractive but never thought more of it because he was married. He got divorced about a year ago and recently transferred to my department and I have been involved in his orientation to the area so yes I have spent more than 24 hours with him. I have worked the 24 hour schedule now for over 3 years and haven't had this problem happen before. I work mainly with men too, and many nice looking men that I would think I would be attracted to but have a strictly professional relationship with them and no desire for anything else.

During some of our many conversations it has already came up that I can't have kids and I think that it was the best surgery I could have ever had. This discussion led to why I had to have the surgery. Which made him wince in pain.

Yes he is well above the legal age as I am in my 30's.

In the industry I work in there is a very blurry line on what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior in the aspect of verbal communication. I work in EMS and it tends to have a very open sexually suggestive environment. I have always been able to keep that line perfectly clear, however I find many of our conversations blur that line until it is nearly non-existent and I don't mind it even though I usually would be upset that I had let it blur. I find that his calls, text and notes left on my desk make me smile.

And to answer the question below yes I have been asked out in a very informal way and I did agree I just hope it wasn't the wrong answer. It was a request made of a friend with no set day but an open invitation. Which the invitation came after the conversation about me not ever having anymore kids.

So now you see my dilemma I have asked myself all of the same questions.
Last edited by centxlady; April 5,2011 at 2:11am. Reason: grammar
 
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richey is offline richey Post #5  April 5,2011, 7:58am
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This one is tough. you work in the same group. That would be a bit weird/messy if things didn't work out. If you have any rights or supervisory rights or hve any influence on his rise within the company then HR will probably not permit you two to date. So be clear on that.

I"m curious.. what is this "very informal way" of asking you out he did? I can't tell if oyu're saying HE asked you out or a friend did?

Anyways.. because it's a co-worked within your group, that would make it a "no" for me. NOT worth the potential hassle and drama to date ithin your own workgroup.

Richey
 
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centxlady is offline centxlady Post #6  April 5,2011, 9:14am
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richey wrote :
This one is tough. you work in the same group. That would be a bit weird/messy if things didn't work out. If you have any rights or supervisory rights or hve any influence on his rise within the company then HR will probably not permit you two to date. So be clear on that.

I"m curious.. what is this "very informal way" of asking you out he did? I can't tell if oyu're saying HE asked you out or a friend did?

Anyways.. because it's a co-worked within your group, that would make it a "no" for me. NOT worth the potential hassle and drama to date ithin your own workgroup.

Richey
Oh know he definatley asked just threw it out as a friendly nonchalant invite
 
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jimmyh452 is offline jimmyh452 Post #7  April 5,2011, 9:35am
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Didn't read the whole thread or even the whole OP for that matter but all I have to say is that my parents met at work (my dad was my mom's boss) and they've been married for 32 years, happily. YMMV
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #8  April 5,2011, 11:47am
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Meeting through work generally is not an issue unless one is a supervisor over another. Each work place sets there own policy so there is no unifomity.

If this was to work out how tied are either of you to the company? Could either of you change jobs?

Since you said 24 hrs I am thinking is your field medically related like DR or nurse? Say for the sake of argument you are both nurses...if this develops further one of you could transfer to a different department or different hospital and work there to limit any work place problems that can occur.

For me, I dont have a problem dating who I work with as long as they arent a part of the same small group/division I am part of. Since I work for a large company I could date someone who works say in HR or budget who I dont deal with directly related to work.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  April 5,2011, 7:13pm
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I am a very vocal one in the DON'T EVER date someone you work with.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #10  April 5,2011, 7:23pm
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Dating a colleague who is a peer (thus no imbalance in workplace authority) is ok so long as things go well. It only becomes a problem if it ends badly.

The fact that you only work together 2 or 3 times a month means that you don't see each other daily. This makes my first thought much less significant.
 
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