"You're really nice, but..."


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gregs4fun is offline gregs4fun Post #31  April 5,2011, 3:53pm
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I like plump girls, skinny girls too. I can overlook when they miss their mouths and the pasta hits their chest. I do not care what they wear. I do not care if they have strange hobbies, as long as they understand I have a few too. But please, if they have more hair on their face than I do, or wear so much makeup I know we would have to start a day early for an appointment, or look like my mother, I cannot feel the all important chemistry. If they say they can never go to a hobby interest with me, or start referring to me as their secrete, because they do not want to share the truth that they are dating, same thing.

So chemistry is a lot of little things that add up to a no go.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #32  April 5,2011, 5:54pm
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gregs4fun wrote :
I like plump girls, skinny girls too. I can overlook when they miss their mouths and the pasta hits their chest. I do not care what they wear. I do not care if they have strange hobbies, as long as they understand I have a few too. But please, if they have more hair on their face than I do, or wear so much makeup I know we would have to start a day early for an appointment, or look like my mother, I cannot feel the all important chemistry. If they say they can never go to a hobby interest with me, or start referring to me as their secrete, because they do not want to share the truth that they are dating, same thing.

So chemistry is a lot of little things that add up to a no go.
Good answer!

So, "chemistry" (for want of a better word) isn't something you can plan or prepare for. It's something you don't know you are giving but that your date takes away anyway.
 
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JustRelax is offline JustRelax Post #33  April 7,2011, 7:06am
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KikiAZ wrote :
I WILL offer a counter point from most offered above. Learn to flirt. Flirting, and especially touching, a man could greatly influence how he perceives the date.

Until not too long ago, I was actually the girl who would "dress down" for a date so that he didn't just go for my looks or think I was trying to hard. I also felt very uncomfortable flirting. I was SHOCKED when a (much more shy) friend told me she actually kissed most of her EH first dates to get a chemistry read because I wasn't even hugging mine. Haha.

There are books out there on body language and how to flirt. Most, IMHO, are actually primers on how traditionally/biologically we show interest. IF you are interested, MAKE sure you are sending him signs that he can read.

He may not take you up on it, but flirting begets flirting.
Totally agreed. Sometimes guys make the same mistakes. They feel the attraction but too shy/nervours to create the tension and end up to be the nice guys who finish last.
 
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gregs4fun is offline gregs4fun Post #34  April 7,2011, 8:04am
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JustRelax wrote :
Totally agreed. Sometimes guys make the same mistakes. They feel the attraction but too shy/nervours to create the tension and end up to be the nice guys who finish last.
Or do not want to go to jail..
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #35  April 7,2011, 9:20am
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Xable wrote :
There have been many threads trying to define "chemistry" and basically, I think it boiled down to "I can never see myself sleeping with you" for whatever reason that might be.

Now, would you ever say to someone, "Sorry, I don't want to date you because I can't imagine myself ever having sex with you?" Probably not.
This is EXACTLY it for me! On a first date/meet one of the first questions that goes through my mind while sitting across the table from the guy is "Could I see myself doing him?" Seriously. Now, my initial answer (in my head, of course) could be "yes" but over the course of the evening he can easily say or do something that changes that to a "no." But if my initial answer is "no," it's not likely to change to a "yes" no matter how well the rest of the date goes.

I dated a guy twice, where the first meet/date went well and my initial answer was "yes." But over the course of the rest of that evening and the second date I came to realize this man had the exact same mannerisms (facial expressions, hand gestures, inflections in voice) of a guy I work with who makes my skin crawl. He was a decent looking guy, had a good job, and we had a lot in common. But those mannerisms became a deal breaker... and squashed any chance of real chemistry, at least on my side.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #36  April 7,2011, 9:58am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
But those mannerisms became a deal breaker... and squashed any chance of real chemistry, at least on my side.
SO TRUE! So, it's not the "kissing test" but the "boinking test" that is the true determination of "dateability".
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #37  April 7,2011, 10:26am
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mitchell175 wrote :
SO TRUE! So, it's not the "kissing test" but the "boinking test" that is the true determination of "dateability".
Yup. If there is not one moment when I think about seeing him nekkid; if I hear his voice and don't think "I can imagine hearing that voice calling my name in the dark", then I save myself and the guy some valuable time and move on.
 
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