melisann46 is offline melisann46 Post #1  April 4,2011, 6:29pm
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Ok so eventhough the whole online dating concept is built on bringing people together from everywhere, I will be honest to admit I've really only used EH for local (thus defeating the purpose).

As a result of a really bad string of luck where I'm located in Miami, I'm considering branching out into looking in other states. This really scares me though. I'm worried about getting attached and distance killing things because travel can really be expensive.

For those who have done the really long distance thing and succeeded or tried it and are making it or have at least had good experiences? and even if you've had bad ones I'd love some input and advice.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #2  April 4,2011, 6:41pm
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LDR's are very difficult indeed. It takes a very very special couple to handle an LDR. The only one I will say sorta worked for me, well 2, were because they were only 2-3 hrs drive away. Made it a bit easier because that's atleast a distance you can bre somewhat spontaneo9us.

"Wanna go to dinner tonight? maybe stay over?"
"yeah sure.. that sounds fun"

2-3 hrs later we're eating.

So there are some of those spontaneous, juicy, "do it just cuz we feel like it" stuff you get to enjoy. Not so much with a 12 hr drive or a 5 hr flight.

It never hurts to expand the pool, buy definitely be sure about what range would actually work for you if it got serious, what range is something you're willing to figure out something to not be long distance anymore if it gets serious , etc.

Good luck to you.

Richey
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #3  April 4,2011, 6:56pm
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melisann46 wrote :
Ok so eventhough the whole online dating concept is built on bringing people together from everywhere, I will be honest to admit I've really only used EH for local (thus defeating the purpose).
I think this is a bit of a misconception. Yes, some people have met their mates who lived in a different state/halfway across the country/in a different country, but I would bet that the vast majority of people who try online dating are most interested in meeting people who live locally.

For me, an hour drive is pushing the limit of a LDR. But, everyone will be different. A lot of it depends on where you live. If you live in a rural area that is an hour outside a major city, then a hour drive may be nothing for a date. But, if you live in/near a larger city, there is no reason to expand your parameters that wide. Just because you "can", doesn't mean you "should".

Part of what I am looking for in a relationship is "togetherness". Not that I want to be attached at the hip with someone, but the thought of waiting 6 months until I can see them again is not appealing to me. I might as well just find a pen pal from prison.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  April 4,2011, 6:56pm
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melisann46 wrote :
OK so even though the whole online dating concept is built on bringing people together from everywhere, I will be honest to admit I've really only used EH for local (thus defeating the purpose).
...
While eHarmony makes a big thing of the LDR thing working that certainly is not the only reason for using an online dating site.

An online dating site will allow you to meet people who are in your local area that you would not meet IRL. You will only meet people IRL who are at the same place that you are and at the same time you are there.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  April 4,2011, 7:02pm
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A long distance relationship is a very difficult thing to make work. It really requires that one or the other of you be willing to make a leap of faith and move to be close to the other person shortly after your first meeting.

Personally I want to spend a lot of in person time with my match / date. Therefore I will not even consider a long distance match.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  April 4,2011, 7:05pm
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For a LDR to work you really need to ask the questions up front on relocation.

How tied are you to your current area of Miami? Are you opeen to moving elsewhere? If so where? Do you want to stay in the state or move to another state?

Why do you think you need to branch out?

I have had some experience with LDRs. They can work.

There is a big difference if you teo are 2-4 hrs away vs you are a 2 hr flight apart or longer.

When you consider LDRs ask yourself could you move to where this person is? could they move to you? Or could you and him agree on a mutually chosen third location?

This is something you should address in the preliminary stages of communication either during the 3 questions or initially in open communication to find out so as to not waste each others time.

One of the risks in an online relationship is a lack of seriousness on the part of one of the two people where you may thing this is a relationship while he things you are a plan B while he still oooks and dates other women finding someone locally.
 
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melisann46 is offline melisann46 Post #7  April 4,2011, 10:11pm
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Wow some great input. Thanks everyone you've all made some great points and given me a lot to think about
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  April 4,2011, 10:37pm
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A hazard of long-distance is finding yourself getting attached and invested in someone you've never met in person. Think about how you'd handle the process so that doesn't happen.

Have you looked through the Using EHarmony forum here on EHAdvice? It has a lot of tips on working with your settings and online dating in general -- maybe you can get Local to work better for you?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  April 4,2011, 10:37pm
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A hazard of long-distance is finding yourself getting attached and invested in someone you've never met in person. Think about how you'd handle the process so that doesn't happen.

Have you looked through the Using EHarmony forum here on EHAdvice? It has a lot of tips on working with your settings and online dating in general -- maybe you can get Local to work better for you?
 
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