Getting Over What's-His-Face: 8 Ways to Move On


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PreachersSon is offline PreachersSon Post #1  April 2,2011, 7:21am
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I only have one useful question here  Okay, two:  Why is it assumed that only women need to get over breakups?  Also, why is there NOTHING that actually deals with when the other person breaks up with you?  Maybe they broke up with you, and you didn't have time to make an exhaustive list of their faults, because you were too busy being in love, and noticing all the good stuff about them. Also, the "Plenty of fish in the sea" refrain is 1)tired, 2)overused, and 3) not true.  Three strikes and you're out.  And, sorry, but "focusing on the goddess or successful business woman you always wanted to be" is not helpful.  It's also not applicable to men.  What if we always wanted to be swinging bachelor?  Drowning your sorrows in mindless sex would not be a good idea.  Neither would buying a new dress--or even a new Corvette, for that matter. Can we please have an Advice article that is useful?  Oh, and not sexist against men?  Thanks.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  April 2,2011, 8:31am
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The majority of these articles are written by women..for women, so this is the kind of tripe you'll get.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  April 2,2011, 11:56am
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I actually thought it's a pretty good article: yes, get over being angry, yes: rewire your brain ... etc.

Except #6, which I do find to be sexist: 'According to The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, “Women have more feelings of empathy for people than men” and “Both men and women find relationships with women to be more intimate and enjoyable than those with men.”' But the underlying idea: find people to spend time with who are supportive and empathetic -- is a good idea.

Oh, and I didn't really like #3 either: List your Ex's Faults and Dwell on Them. I don't see how this fits in with "get rid of your anger". And, I'd rather focus on celebrating what I did have than learning to hate the guy.

But it's an interesting article!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  April 2,2011, 3:15pm
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Can't say I think much about this article either.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  April 2,2011, 6:34pm
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They lost me at the first sentence, I'm afraid:

Since a breakup is not unlike a death...

I don't think so.

I've been through breakups, a divorce, and my husband dying. A breakup can in no way compare to the shock when...

...a living, breathing, human being...stops...breathing and living.

Verges on offensive, even, to think it does.

j8a
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  April 2,2011, 6:35pm
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I take issue with the statement 'breakup is not unlike a death.' As a woman who was widowed in 2007, I can say for certain the death of my husband was NOTHING like any breakup I have ever gone through, including the divorce of my first husband (my daughter's father) which, btw, I initiated. It may be like the death of someone's friend or relative, but honestly, NOTHING comes close to being like the death of a spouse.

And, it is pretty well female slanted, but the title is 'Getting Over What's His Face,' so I would have expected that. What would be nice is to see some articles from a males perspective (for future reference).

Also, just in case you might surmise I am a bitter old widow, I have since remarried and am quite happy. I just wish the author was a bit more educated on the subject. It seems to trivialize death which is in itself a not trivial matter. IMHO
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  April 2,2011, 7:07pm
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I thought this article had a few good points. I have been guilty of #2 (overthinking what I "did wrong") and #8 (worrying that I will never meet anyone better again).

And, I have definitely done #7 many times - writing a letter (or 10) that is NOT for sending, except out into the universe.
 
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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #8  April 2,2011, 7:14pm
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tink333 wrote :
I take issue with the statement 'breakup is not unlike a death.' As a woman who was widowed in 2007, I can say for certain the death of my husband was NOTHING like any breakup I have ever gone through
j8a and tink, can you please PM Lori and ask that they edit this article to remove the offensive part? I feel as if it's a slap in the face to all widows and widowers. I am not offended by much but this is definitely offensive.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  April 2,2011, 7:33pm
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Sparkles56 wrote :
j8a and tink, can you please PM Lori and ask that they edit this article to remove the offensive part? I feel as if it's a slap in the face to all widows and widowers. I am not offended by much but this is definitely offensive.
Sparkles,
I have emailed one of the EHA Hosts (not Lori) and hope someone is able to have the article modified. That one grieves and goes through a grieving process in both instances is not lost on me - it's just how it was stated.
-Tink
 
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DavidVincent is offline DavidVincent Post #10  April 4,2011, 8:16am
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I agree with PreacherSon that this is so much only for women, as if men are immune to being badly hurt by a breakup. As to the old plenty of fish in the sea BS, my answer to that is, there's also a lot better bait.
 
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