Online dating and profile photos - the photo, vs. the reality


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  April 1,2011, 1:21pm
eHA_Admin_Lor…'s Avatar

My one wish for you, is love. :)

Moderator

Joined: Nov 2008

Santa Monica, CA

Posts: 5,120

See profile

In your experience, to what degree do you feel the photos on the profiles you view accurately reflect how the person looks in real life? What's your guesstimate as to the percentage of profiles you've viewed for people you then met in real life who look like or better than their profile photos?

Do you feel that YOUR profile photos accurately portray how you look in real life?
 
  Reply With Quote
Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #2  April 2,2011, 1:43am
Lindac7's Avatar

says: "Come and stand beside us, we can find a better way."

Veteran

Joined: May 2008

Portland, Oregon

Posts: 1,279

See profile

Oops! Double post - don't know how that happened.

Sorry.
Last edited by Lindac7; April 2,2011 at 1:47am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #3  April 2,2011, 1:44am
Lindac7's Avatar

says: "Come and stand beside us, we can find a better way."

Veteran

Joined: May 2008

Portland, Oregon

Posts: 1,279

See profile

I know for a fact my profile photos accurately portray what I look like in real life. I've had a number of men comment on that when we've first met. They literally have said, "You look exactly like your photos!" Yes, I have a couple full body shots in my profile, too. ;-) I've even been told numerous times that I look much better in person than in my photos, and I know that to be true, because I've never been photogenic.

As far as the integrity of THEIR photos go, that's another story. :-(

Far too many men hide behind sunglasses and/or hats so we can't get a good idea of what their faces really look like. This is by far the norm for the vast majority of male profiles. No, I'm not being mean, it's just the truth. I get that a lot of men want to hide that they are balding somewhere, but we're eventually going to see it anyway, so what's the point? Plus, lots of women find total baldness or certain partial forms of baldness quite sexy and attractive - I certainly do. I always figure if a man isn't showing his whole face and head in any of his photos, he's clearly hiding something.

The other big thing that men hide often is what shape they're in (particularly if they have big bellies). For instance, all their photos will be with them wearing some sort of padded jacket, etc., or just clothes that hang so loose, there's no telling what kind of body is under there. Big mistake. I'm not looking for a perfect body, but it would be nice if men applied the same rules to their own photos as they apply to women's photos. Just sayin'.

As far as percentages go, my experience has been that MOST men look better in person than in their photos, but the number of photos they've posted, as well as how many different angles they've shared, makes a difference, too. I've looked at some profiles where certain photos are not flattering at all - in fact, they look downright scary or gross, etc., but then they'll have one or maybe two photos that actually look nice. I ask myself often, "What was he thinking when he included that photo? Does he really think that makes him look attractive to us? I don't get it."

The impression I get is that men don't seem to think that what they look like matters (or that it should matter to a woman). I don't get that kind of thinking, especially when what we women look like is almost all that matters to most men in the preliminary stages of deciding whether to meet in person or not.

I did meet one man once who looked considerably worse in person than in his photo, but that's partly because his photo wasn't recent, and he was far enough away that you couldn't really get a good look at his face. He was downright repulsive, to be perfectly honest.

For me, it's not so much the disparity between the photo and the live human body that matters as much as whether that person's overall demeanor and energy are positive or not. I'm not talking about attitude, it's a whole body read that includes everything we can notice about a person. Attitude only makes up a small part of that.

Percentage wise, I'd say roughly 50% of men look pretty much like their photos (if you can tell what they look like), some (maybe 10%) look slightly better, and the rest look slightly worse, all the way to quite a bit worse. I always expect that a man is not going to look exactly like his photo, and very few do. There is always something different, even if minor (like his hairstyle is slightly different, or more typically there is more gray in his hair than shows up in his photo). The difference is usually not in his favor, by the way.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  April 2,2011, 5:08am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

Lindac7 wrote :
Oops! Double post - don't know how that happened.

Sorry.
Site problem. It has been happening frequently.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  April 2,2011, 5:20am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

I do not do well recognizing someone from their photo. So to me none of my matches looked like their photo. Let me just state very plainly that I am NOT saying that they used deceptive photos.

If I based meeting a match on how attractive I found them in their photos I would have never started communication with the 3 eHarmony matches that I found most attractive when I did meet them.

I have only had one match (eHarmony) who I do believe used a deceptive photo.

I am not a very good judge of my own photos. The matches I have met do not seem to have any problem finding me at the first meeting. Of course that could be because I have told them what I will be wearing and we do not meet at places where there are lots of singles hanging around so I am usually the only person who is obviously waiting at the door for someone.
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; April 2,2011 at 5:27am. Reason: Answered the second part of the question.
 
  Reply With Quote
Bronzino is offline Bronzino Post #6  April 2,2011, 5:28am
Bronzino's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2011

Posts: 50

See profile

In 2 1/2 months, I've met three people. Two looked like their photos and one looked better than his photo. The only deceptiveness I've seen was one of them had posted photos that were 2 years old. He pretty much looked the same, but wasn't in as near great shape as in the photo and he had a bit of a belly. To date, I haven't met anyone that looked nothing like their photo.
 
  Reply With Quote
charmed59 is offline charmed59 Post #7  April 2,2011, 6:42am
charmed59's Avatar

Life is good.

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2010

Northern California

Posts: 1,073

See profile

I'm with GreatGuy in that I can't recognize people from photos. Given that, I found most the guys better looking in person. There were quite a few old photos in there, that I could tell were old when they said the age of the kids they were with or the year of the trip. From the pictures themselves they didn't look that different.

I've been met with amazement on many a first date by guys that said I look exactly like my pictures. So I'll have to take their word for it.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 2,2011, 7:16am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,677

See profile

I also have similar experience to GreatGuy.

It should be noted that my experience is concentrated in a time before the current quality of dating site photos - digital originals and much greater file size accepted by sites - and most people had lousey, blurry scans where you couldn't see much of anything.

In my experience, most womens' clothing and hair differed from their photos, making them hard to recognize.

In my experience, all women who post only a head photo are very overweight. I would say the average person is worse than their photos, but mainly because they selected their best photos.

I have met people who were clearly more attractive in person than in their photos, as well.

There are also a lot of terrible photos selected: baggy, bulky clothes, face shaded by hats or sunglasses, poor lighting ...

***

My photos are taken with decent equipment in good light for clarity. I dress as I typically dress when meeting. I prefer to have at least one photo showing my hair in both the length it gets before I cut it, and after.

In any case, photos haven't had much effect on dating site activity for me (income, career and education do.)
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« thoughts on online dating vs. the "old-fashioned" way? | Dating | First time advice seeker »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
found an ex-bf's online profile - interesting lies... scully98 Dating 46 January 21,2012 10:26am
thoughts on online dating vs. the "old-fashioned" way? scully98 Dating 17 April 2,2011 5:05am
Online dating profile - Photo dilema... Energy101 Using eHarmony 6 July 14,2010 3:53pm
Online Dating Profile Pictures: 6 Surprising Tips For Better Pics Joti Using eHarmony 4 February 17,2010 2:27pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:46am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0