Way overthinking a new dating situation


Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #11  April 1,2011, 12:42am
SteveManchest…'s Avatar

is too happy

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2010

rainy uk

Posts: 5,026

See profile

Nanette wrote :
op i think you are overly concerned with whether or not someone likes you.

the best way not to think about it is to just stop yourself and get busy with something else. have a million distractions ready of things that you want and maybe need to do.

the concern over it that you seem to have suggests overinvestment to me. i think thats how most people lose perspective.
I'm with Nanette on this. I think you need to remind yourself it's been 2 (and a half) weeks. The way you have it down to the "half" indicates you are taking it alll too seriously. You hardly know each other. Actually you don't know each other.

Some people can turn out to be completely different after a month or 2 (or 6) compared to the initial rose tinted glasses view I've had during the first few weeks.
 
  Reply With Quote
richey is offline richey Post #12  April 1,2011, 12:58am
richey's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

san francisco, ca

Posts: 2,764

See profile

clover87 wrote :
I've gone out with this great guy I met online four times (2.5 weeks)
clover87 wrote :
While I feel ready to embark on dating (and hopefully a relationship) with this man, my trust issues are coming into play. I wonder when he'll introduce me to his friends, why he hasn't mentioned it to his parents yet (to be fair, I haven't mentioned it to mine either; we both still live at home - he's in law school and I just finished my master's), when, if ever, he'll want to commit to a relationship, etc.

Unfortunately, that's exactly what this is. You are NOT ready to be in a relationship again yet beacuse you have not healed from your old wounds and thus your instinct is to not trust anybody ~ and you put them on trial to make them prove themselves to you before you will believe the better of them. Not healthy at all.

What you truly need is to take time off from a relatinoship and HEAL. Heal from the psst. Heal from the "abusive programming" your ex's put on you so you can start thinking like a healthy human being again. (Which is to say ~ yo don't always assume the worst in everybody until they prove you otherwise). no no no... INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY hon.... not GUILTY UNTIL YOU CAN PROVE YOUR INNOCENCE!

Also, you are expecting a TON for a 2.5 week old relationship (to be introduced to his friends and family etc.?) It's only been 2.5 weeks hon. And like you said yourself, and this is the SUREFIRE sign of an unhealthy mind:

you are demanding from him something that you haven't even done yourself! (alert the parents!) WHAT?

So... you NEED to heal. Yo NEED to take time off and heal. you need to unprogram the abuse stuck in your head ad re-program it with a healthy mindset before you undertake a relatonship again.

JUST LOOK AT HOW CRAZY IT'S DRIVING YOU NOW???????
JUST THINK HOW CRAZY IT'S DRIVING HIM!!!!!

Heal.
Do yourself a favor.. and heal.

Good luck.
Richey
 
  Reply With Quote
SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #13  April 1,2011, 2:17am
SteveManchest…'s Avatar

is too happy

Power Poster

Joined: Dec 2010

rainy uk

Posts: 5,026

See profile

is this a 'rebound' relationship/dating scenario?
 
  Reply With Quote
clover87 is offline clover87 Post #14  April 1,2011, 8:42am
clover87's Avatar

is thoughtful

Quick Study

Joined: Mar 2011

NY

Posts: 74

See profile

SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
is this a 'rebound' relationship/dating scenario?
No, I know it's not - I've done the "rebound" thing and it was very much different than this, in terms of how I approached it, what I thought about the person, etc. I do feel like I'm ready for this, but I know that I have to identify my "weak" points, if you will, and work at them. Right now I'm just trying to identify those points and figure out ways to work on them, before they make me too crazy. It's like my mind was on fast forward, so now I'm trying to rewind the tape some.

Even just these past few days I've gotten it through my head that he's definitely innocent until proven guilty (and I have to say, he's the most respectful person that I've met in a long time). Until he gets to know me better (and vice versa) then it's pretty ridiculous to have expectations like that. I really do look forward to getting to know him better.

Repeating that to myself helps, I've found; so does going for a walk and zoning out with my iPod. I feel like I'm in a good place to have fun and relax on our date tonight.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Asking Questions.... | Dating | Who pays, with a twist: when he makes less than she does »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Dating Multiple People at Once Monual Dating 21 November 1,2010 10:01am
Dating...Logging into Dating Site HappyHopeful Dating 8 June 21,2010 5:35pm
Why does Serial Dating have such a bad rap? RoxyRedhead Dating 61 January 28,2010 8:33am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:41am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0