First E-mail Compare and Contrast


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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #1  March 30,2011, 4:09pm
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Hello Everyone,

Here are two opening paragraphs for two first e-mails that might be sent via a site like OKC, where you just email the members right away.

What does the first have, that the second doesn't? What does the second have, that the first doesn't?

Ladies, which would you be more likely to reply to? Would either of them simply make you go WOW?

1:
Hello X,
You were one of my matches tonight and I felt compelled to write after I read your profile. Something about you piques my interest and I can't put my finger on it. I think it's the breadth of your interests combined with the confidence and directness of your approach. You comment that the 'more aware people will notice my honesty', but your writing is that of someone who is herself very aware. That's actually a rarity these days and it's something I'm looking for in a woman. After contemplating this combination of traits I'm very interested in getting to know you!

2:
Hello X,
I was browsing OKC tonight and your beautiful smile caught my eye, so I thought I'd take a look. I like what I see! I can imagine how your international travels have given you some insightful perspectives on life and I'd be interested to know more about those adventures.

Obviously the second is much shorter. But how does it 'feel' different than the first? Is the first better or worse, for being more verbose?

I'll share a bit more about this question once the discussion gets going.

Cheers,
Sp
 
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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #2  March 30,2011, 4:31pm
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Sparkles56 wrote :
Hello Everyone,

Here are two opening paragraphs for two first e-mails that might be sent via a site like OKC, where you just email the members right away.

What does the first have, that the second doesn't? What does the second have, that the first doesn't?

Ladies, which would you be more likely to reply to? Would either of them simply make you go WOW?

1:
Hello X,
You were one of my matches tonight and I felt compelled to write after I read your profile. Something about you piques my interest and I can't put my finger on it. I think it's the breadth of your interests combined with the confidence and directness of your approach. You comment that the 'more aware people will notice my honesty', but your writing is that of someone who is herself very aware. That's actually a rarity these days and it's something I'm looking for in a woman. After contemplating this combination of traits I'm very interested in getting to know you!

2:
Hello X,
I was browsing OKC tonight and your beautiful smile caught my eye, so I thought I'd take a look. I like what I see! I can imagine how your international travels have given you some insightful perspectives on life and I'd be interested to know more about those adventures.

Obviously the second is much shorter. But how does it 'feel' different than the first? Is the first better or worse, for being more verbose?

I'll share a bit more about this question once the discussion gets going.

Cheers,
Sp
Really for sites like match and others that you are referring to where there is absolutely no GC system at all the particulars of what you say don't matter much.

What matters is that you don't sound like a complete idiot to them and they like your pics (but telling them they have a beautiful smile or not isn't going to make them any more or less interested in you then they already were).

Your two different styles question would matter more on a site like eharmony.
Last edited by sony12; March 30,2011 at 4:35pm.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #3  March 30,2011, 4:35pm
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I'll put a skirt on and say...

both sound pretty awful in my opinion because they have the look and feel of a cut/paste generic email.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #4  March 30,2011, 4:38pm
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and both tend to waffle on about almost nothing

e.g. "I can imagine how your international travels have given you some insightful perspectives on life and I'd be interested to know more about those adventures."

you're making a small point but doing it over a long winded sentence.

I assume the women get loads of emails so keep it short and interesting because they probably just scan your email and photo quickly and if it sounds bad just skip to the next one.
 
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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #5  March 30,2011, 4:42pm
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
I'll put a skirt on and say...

both sound pretty awful in my opinion because they have the look and feel of a cut/paste generic email.
Lol, yep, and which is why on sites like he is referring to instead of writing emails like that most of the guys just write dozens of one or two short sentences because they know that what they say doesn't matter much anyway. The pics are what counts on sites like that (and rather or not the girls are already talking to ten guys already)
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #6  March 30,2011, 4:44pm
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Perhaps it needs a rewrite - e.g.

"One of the aspects of your profile that I found fascinating was your experiences travelling."

I'd also avoid

" I was browsing OKC tonight "
- you're stating the obvious.

"and your beautiful smile caught my eye,"
- sounds like a chat up line instead show a different kind of respect by saying "your profile caught my eye, overall a very interesting read" - I would not comment on the photo until at some point during emailing back and forth.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #7  March 30,2011, 4:44pm
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Perhaps it needs a rewrite - e.g.

"One of the aspects of your profile that I found fascinating was your experiences travelling."

I'd also avoid

" I was browsing OKC tonight "
- you're stating the obvious.

"and your beautiful smile caught my eye,"
- sounds like a chat up line instead show a different kind of respect by saying "your profile caught my eye, overall a very interesting read especially the section on travelling" - I would not comment on the photo until at some point during emailing back and forth.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #8  March 30,2011, 4:50pm
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sony12 wrote :
Lol, yep, and which is why on sites like he is referring to instead of writing emails like that most of the guys just write dozens of one or two short sentences because they know that what they say doesn't matter much anyway. The pics are what counts on sites like that (and rather or not the girls are already talking to ten guys already)
I agree. that was the technique I used.

A VERY short email introducing myself and revealing not much, a unique/witty/stand out profile and the BEST photo possible.

I would often get a response saying "you don't say much" or "thanks for the email, I read your profile and it's nothing like the others which are all bland and I laughed loads at it"

At which point I then had broken the ice and was able to go into proper email progression.


What I didn't do was the example emails from the OP - I originally did those kind of emails and got nowhere because I wasn't interesting enough.
 
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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #9  March 30,2011, 5:04pm
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Sparkles56 wrote :
I think it's the breadth of your interests combined with the confidence and directness of your approach.
Honestly OP. You would probably have better luck at getting girls to talk to you if you just said 'Hey you're hot. Wanna meet up for sex tonight.'
 
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truth32 is offline truth32 Post #10  March 30,2011, 5:05pm
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I don't think either is particularly awful. I personally try to respond to any guy who gives more thought on emails from match/OKC, than the usual "hey whats up nice pics"

I think the second one is more upbeat, personally... but I'd add in a couple questions too for her to respond to, like "what's your favorite place you traveled to? and why?" and maybe say something about your favorite place.

It's hard for me to sometimes know how to respond to a first email, even if its nice, if they didn't ask me ANYTHING. asking a question gives me something to easily write about in return.

Good luck
 
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