Keeping Options Open - Guys?


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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #1  March 30,2011, 4:04pm
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Guys:

Tell us please, do you actually really do this,

do you have option A, B and C?? Or beyond ?

If you have lets say and option A girl, how much time effort and for how long do you string option B girl along while figuring out if option A girl is going to work out?

From what I know of guys, a non-player type of guy can't really be bothered texting or spending time on the phone with an option B or C girl for more than a few weeks. Then option B becomes A or A pans out and the others fade away.

Is this accurate for most of you? Even for the "multi daters" how long do you keep how many balls in the air?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  March 30,2011, 4:12pm
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LDJ wrote :
Guys:

Tell us please, do you actually really do this,
The same way a woman does it....and they do it also.



wrote :
Even for the "multi daters" how long do you keep how many balls in the air?
as long as it takes until I pick one.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  March 30,2011, 5:37pm
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Once I get into an encouraging online communication (active, seeming interested, moving the process to meeting along quickly), I tend to lose interest in trying to find more (I would reply to messages, and I would initiate with eHarmony, but I tended to stop looking for or writing new matches - too much waste of time.)

Once I meet, if the first meeting goes well, I will continue with in-process matches and still accept new initiated communication from women.

After a second meeting which also goes well, I tended to wind down dating sites (closed inactive matches, do not pay the next renewal, close or delete the profile.)

***

My objective is to establish quickly if at least the potential for a long relationship is present. If it is from my perspective, and I think my partner is of the same view, then I don't have the motivation or desire to have "option B."

For me, I'd say "a few weeks" is long.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  March 30,2011, 5:48pm
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The Thinker said it well, well almost.

First thing is your assumption that ( I ) would be successful enough at dating to actually have more that one girl to date at any one time.

Second assumption that you have wrong is that it would be my choice to continue dating any girl. This is where The Thinker went wrong also.

The other place that The Thinker did not say quite correctly was it is not "until I pick one". It is until I became exclusive with one of them. Exclusivity is not a one sided thing. I have never gotten to the point where any girl I was dating would accept being exclusive with me.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #5  March 31,2011, 1:12pm
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LDJ wrote :
Guys:

Tell us please, do you actually really do this,

do you have option A, B and C?? Or beyond ?

If you have lets say and option A girl, how much time effort and for how long do you string option B girl along while figuring out if option A girl is going to work out?

From what I know of guys, a non-player type of guy can't really be bothered texting or spending time on the phone with an option B or C girl for more than a few weeks. Then option B becomes A or A pans out and the others fade away.

Is this accurate for most of you? Even for the "multi daters" how long do you keep how many balls in the air?
But the reality is if someone is new to the system or on a free weekend he may have gotten to talking and exchanging emails with say 5 women. Each of these progress at different rates...all are equally as interesting. All these women are also communicating wiuth multiple men and exchanged emails so now its all offline.

Of these 5 women say two of the women have stopped responding--likely because they are more interested in someone else. Of thes 3 remaining you decide you want to date all 3 but because of scheduling not everyone is on the same rate...so se takes a few days to date A while another takes till next week B, and another, C, till 2 weeks.

While you waiting for C you may have gotten to date 3 with A.

Then you have an initial date with C and you like C but A right now is going farther..so you hold off C a bit to see how A goes (i.e you get any).

If A doesnt pan out you then see how B or C go.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #6  March 31,2011, 2:56pm
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Men do not 'own' the concept of keeping their options open or having a "plan b/c/ect" ...women do it too.

ldj wrote :
From what I know of guys, a non-player type of guy can't really be bothered texting or spending time on the phone with an option B or C girl for more than a few weeks.
I would say that this is fairly accurate for most men (non-player types, as you put it). If/When we have multiple options, we will usually 'choose' who our "plan a" is a lot faster (typically whichever one is more physically attractive to us) than women and are, therefore, less prone to stringing 'plan b/c/etc' along for eternity trying to 'decide'.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #7  March 31,2011, 3:21pm
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I didnt' mean to suggest it is only a man's game.

What Biker and D_L describe sounds reasonable.

Ami1, this is the player's game and sure to end up empty handed when option A gets tiresome and B & C get tired of waiting. I guess as long as there are always new good and willimg matches in the system, those who hold a place is ongoingly changing. I don't get enough quality matches for this to work.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  March 31,2011, 3:58pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :

Second assumption that you have wrong is that it would be my choice to continue dating any girl. This is where The Thinker went wrong also.
well, it is my choice trust, me on that.
In fact you can put your house on that.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  March 31,2011, 4:03pm
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BikerBeagle wrote :
Men do not 'own' the concept of keeping their options open or having a "plan b/c/ect" ...women do it too.



I would say that this is fairly accurate for most men (non-player types, as you put it). If/When we have multiple options, we will usually 'choose' who our "plan a" is a lot faster (typically whichever one is more physically attractive to us) than women and are, therefore, less prone to stringing 'plan b/c/etc' along for eternity trying to 'decide'.
Exactly.
And everyone does this, to a certain extent.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #10  April 1,2011, 12:44am
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Exactly. Men don't do anything different (or more extensive) on this than women. In fact, I would suggest that women do a lot more "stringing along" then men do.

Anyway,... here is my philosophy. Until you mutually decide you are exclusive, then everything is fair game on both sides.

This especially holds true if you met on a dating site. You SHOULD be assuming that until you mutually decide its exclusive that you are both dating around and communicating with other potential matches.

Richey
 
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