A Month In 1 date, plenty of texts


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ali9626 is offline ali9626 Post #1  March 30,2011, 2:21pm
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I really need some advice for this situation please! I started communicating with a man at the end of February and now, slightly over a month later, we text regularly, talk on the phone occasionally, and have only been on one date. He's very apologetic when he doesn't contact me for more than 2 days and if he says he's going to call and can't he'll text and let me know. We have a lot in common and when we do have conversations they last for over an hour, with potential for more. But I feel like Im the one making the effort to get together and maintain contact. I decided not to call him and he waited 3 days before texting. Am I being too impatient, or should we be starting to move a little bit quicker? I really don't want to rush him or be impatient, but I can't tell if he's just not that into me. But if he's not that into me then i want to move on. Would it be wrong to just ask him how he's feeling and why this is going so slowly?
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #2  March 30,2011, 3:07pm
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For sure you should ask him if he has time for dating.

Have you not had any conversation that addresses his lack of availability? Do you have any idea why he has not been able to go out more than once in a month?

Being patient with this is a measure of how much you like him. If he's worth it, then see if time resolves things into something more but if you're only somewhat interested, why bother with this waiting game?
 
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tinaroonie is offline tinaroonie Post #3  March 30,2011, 3:14pm
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Only one date in one month? I'd wonder why. Is he multi-dating? I would talk to him and find out. I think that if a person is truly interested, they'd make an effort to see the other person at least once a week. I wouldn't wait any longer but ask outright why you've only had one date so far. Good luck.
 
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ali9626 is offline ali9626 Post #4  March 30,2011, 3:26pm
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LDJ wrote :
For sure you should ask him if he has time for dating.

Have you not had any conversation that addresses his lack of availability? Do you have any idea why he has not been able to go out more than once in a month?

Being patient with this is a measure of how much you like him. If he's worth it, then see if time resolves things into something more but if you're only somewhat interested, why bother with this waiting game?
Thanks. I got the impression that he does have time to date. He stated upfront on his profile that he can come across as distant at first, and I told him that I had appreciated him saying that. There have been some conflicting schedules. I guess fundamentally, he's telling me he's available, leading me to believe he's interested, saying all the right things, but he's not being proactive aside from texting. He's either really shy or just not that into me.

I am interested, very much so. But Im not letting myself get emotionally invested until I know hes into me too.
 
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ali9626 is offline ali9626 Post #5  March 30,2011, 3:28pm
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tinaroonie wrote :
Only one date in one month? I'd wonder why. Is he multi-dating? I would talk to him and find out. I think that if a person is truly interested, they'd make an effort to see the other person at least once a week. I wouldn't wait any longer but ask outright why you've only had one date so far. Good luck.
Thanks for your reply. I don't know if he's multi-dating but I sure am. But he's the one Im most interested in. Your thoughts are exactly what I was thinking too, but I wasn't sure if I was just being impatient.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  March 30,2011, 3:55pm
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Sounds just like the bf of a friend of mine.....

What happened after your first face to face meeting? how long ago was that? Why havent you scheduled a second date?

If this has been a few weeks since the first date I am thinking he is stringing you along as option B or C while he dates others.

If he was up front prior to meeting that he was going to be having this hectic work schedule then I would believe him more than if he said this after your first date.

A lot of times pushing off a folow-up date says he either isnt sure or is interested in someone else. If he were interested in you more than he would make an effort of dating you and calling you.
 
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ali9626 is offline ali9626 Post #7  March 30,2011, 6:45pm
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Thanks yall. I just up and asked if he was feeling me, it lead to a good conversation and we are getting together this weekend. From there, we shall see how it goes. He says he's scared and bad at dating--who knows if thats the truth but so far he doesnt seem the type to lie.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #8  March 30,2011, 6:53pm
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Ali: Well good for you! .... "hear the thunder of resounding aplause"!

Yours is not an easy question to ask, but you have proven the value of the risk! This is such good news!!

When you see him, be gentle but do communicate your expectations so he knows what it is you want from him, he can't read your mind.

I still say most guys will not bother with all the texting on an ongoing basis if there is not some interest.

I had a similar experience to yours, the guy i am seeing now for 5 months, was all keen the first month, over zealous I would say, then a cancelled date, followed by Christmas followed by three weeks of the flu which resulted in me not seeing him for I think it was 5 weeks, although he did text every day and called a few times as well. I stuck it out, took a lot of patience, but here we are now back on track and doing very nicely, but still only seeing one another once a week due to his work schedule. So, it could be worth it! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Ami1 is convinced though that I am just the mistress, he could be right, my guys first love is the business.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  March 30,2011, 7:51pm
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I believe in making what you are most interested in a priority. Seems that he is not making you a priority ... therefore he must not be all that interested in you.

And if he is scared and not good at dating then does that really make him someone that you want to date. It is through practice that you will become a better dater, but if fear hold you back from trying then that seems to be a major negative to being someone that you would want to date.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #10  March 31,2011, 4:27am
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ali9626 wrote :
...He says he's scared and bad at dating--who knows if thats the truth but so far he doesnt seem the type to lie.
Either

1. This is just a game playing excuse that he is using to hide the reality that he has been dating someone else during the past few weeks and that failed/terminated but kept you in reserve and is now picking you up.

or

2. He is "bad at dating" and "scared".


I really don't understand why is someone tells you such a negative that you are now persuing it.

If you read a profile that said "I'm bad at dating" in it would you invest time and effort into it? Or would you Close the profile and then move onto one where the person is making a more sensible and attractive comments?
 
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