Taking chances in dating - has it paid off for you?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  March 30,2011, 2:12pm
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I'm wondering to what extent people have been rewarded for taking chances in terms of who they date, and having that pay off.

I'm not asking about the kind of chances which can bring you harm - safety first, always! I mean -- you dated someone not even close to your "type", or you pushed aside something that would normally be a dealbreaker, etc.

If you've done that kind of thing -- how did it turn out? Did you regret it, or were you positively rewarded for your openmmindedness?
 
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ali9626 is offline ali9626 Post #2  March 30,2011, 2:35pm
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I have and absolutely don't regret it. It also helps in essence because by broadening my dating options, I've been able to understand what it is I really want, need, whats important, and attractive outside of the type I was so proned to dating but who were not working for me.
 
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primarilyconfused is offline primarilyconfused Post #3  March 30,2011, 5:11pm
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I'm taking this chance now. I'll have to let you know............
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  March 30,2011, 5:28pm
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I have.

Although I was disappointed in the end, I did at least learn something from each person. I also gained experience.

And I confirmed by screens. In my view, screens should periodically be tested.

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I tend not to regret my choices. As long as the choice was reasonable under the available facts, it is a choice I made. Learn from it and move on.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  March 30,2011, 5:32pm
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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
I'm wondering to what extent people have been rewarded for taking chances in terms of who they date, and having that pay off.

I'm not asking about the kind of chances which can bring you harm - safety first, always! I mean -- you dated someone not even close to your "type", or you pushed aside something that would normally be a dealbreaker, etc.

If you've done that kind of thing -- how did it turn out? Did you regret it, or were you positively rewarded for your openmmindedness?
Hmm, I have contacted some matches out of desperation whom I would not normally have contacted. On rare occasion the experience was positive. I would not say that I have regretted contacting any match. Disappointed but not regretful.
 
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tinaroonie is offline tinaroonie Post #6  March 30,2011, 5:34pm
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I think my boyfriend now is such a risk. I used to always say no matter what, I wanted a cowboy guy who liked country music, was a country type person. My current boyfriend is so not it. Yet he fits all my criteria in a different way. He fulfills me in every way, and allows me to be who I am, the country side of me and all.

When I signed up for dating again on Eharmony last fall, well my boyfriend put it best.....I asked three questions of him before we met,

1) Does it matter that I am Jewish?
2) Can you accept that I have a dog?
3) Are you okay with me liking country music?

None of that mattered to him, so I allowed myself to get to know him as a person, even though he was nothing like anyone else I have dated, and it has been paying off for me.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #7  March 30,2011, 5:42pm
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I had a match from eharmony. She seemed nice and had an ok profile, she had decent pictures, but something was missing. I did not send communication, but I thought about it. A week or so after the match she send me an ice breaker, so I sent her the first questions.

I had a strange feeling about her and ended up telling her about it in my first open communication message. I said I thought she was nice, but from her pictures and come of the communication I felt that she seemed kind of closed off, and oldish acting.

That was a kind of crazy message to send, but I felt it really strongly. I told her some things I liked in a relationship that I thought she would frown upon, if I had her gauged correctly. She told me I had her pegged wrong.

It turned out she was almost exactly what I thought from the pictures. And I got to know her pretty well, we dated for almost 5 months. She had very little passion for anything. And she was really afraid to open up about things.

She was nice, and I enjoyed being around her, and getting to know her. But, I ended it because she was really not ready or capable of an emotional relationship.

And I did not end it because physical things were not coming fast enough, those things happened. But, that part was also strange. A little like being with a blow up doll.

So I kind of took a chance that I had her pegged wrong. In the end I pegged her correct in the beginning. I was sad it did not work out, she was great in a lot of ways, and I really wished she could have had more passion toward me, or anything really.
 
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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #8  March 30,2011, 5:51pm
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Up to this point I've been dead set against dating someone with kids.

Last night I noted a profile on OKCupid that was so compelling I ignored the fact that she has a 5 year old and messaged her. She responded in a few hours!

I had a big discussion about this with some friends today and as a result I changed my eH profile to allow matches with children.

I'm still skittish about this, but we'll see how it turns out.
 
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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #9  March 30,2011, 6:11pm
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I haven't dated for very long and almost all of my matches either on eH or OkC were sorta not what I ever envisioned for myself. I haven't regretted any of these matches or communicating with them or meeting them. I learned something with each guy and it's SO worth it to look outside the box and take some risks.

My current guy is nothing - and I mean, nothing - that I envisioned for myself. I think I posted here once about not even wanting to meet him because I thought his picture was meh. I don't think I have to tell you how wrong I was and that I am so glad I took the risk. Take the chance and just trust your instincts.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  March 30,2011, 9:57pm
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I was dead set against dating anyone younger than I am, though I never had any issues dating an older guy or one the same age.

I met JediSoth who is 10 years younger than I am in early 2009 for coffee. We planned to be just friends and were never matched by eH, but as we got to know each other, we found we had a lot in common. As we spent more time together, we realized there was something growing between us, so we began dating (shared eH profiles, etc.). We have been married just a little over a year. Turns out our age difference doesn't really matter.
 
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