she doesn't pay for dates, so that's why she's single?


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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #1  March 30,2011, 7:08am
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funny conversation via text with my boyfriend last night. I have a very pretty girlfriend who is always single, despite her sweet nature and cute appearance. last night, the new guy she's dating (someone I set her up with), was surprised when he heard that I'd paid for tickets to a concert that I went to recently with my boyfriend.

I told my boyfriend, in private text, that I thought the reason he was surprised was because my friend never pays for anything and lets the guy pay for every aspect of their dates.

my boyfriend sent a simple response: "think I know why she's single."

now...I hadn't thought of that, but given the other post here about the guy who will break up with a woman who always makes him pay rather than have the awkward conversation about sharing expenses makes me wonder if perhaps my boyfriend is on to something.

it's not an issue in my relationship with my boyfriend. we have a sharing of dating expenses that works for us. but I wonder just how accurate he might be about my friend.

if you were dating a woman for a month and she expected you to pay for everything, would you break up with her?

I'm wondering if I should talk to my girlfriend and suggest to her that she start paying for things. I hadn't thought about butting in until now. But she did tell me last night that her new boyfriend keeps saying things like, "well, I am a single parent" when he's paying for high-priced date items like tickets for an upcoming concert, etc. she said he says it jokingly, but I wonder if he is joking.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #2  March 30,2011, 7:24am
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scully98 wrote :
funny conversation via text with my boyfriend last night. I have a very pretty girlfriend who is always single, despite her sweet nature and cute appearance. last night, the new guy she's dating (someone I set her up with), was surprised when he heard that I'd paid for tickets to a concert that I went to recently with my boyfriend.

I told my boyfriend, in private text, that I thought the reason he was surprised was because my friend never pays for anything and lets the guy pay for every aspect of their dates.

scully98 wrote :
my boyfriend sent a simple response: "think I know why she's single."
I think this is a fair indication of the kind of relationship he favours and that he expects someone who behaves like her to fail to start relationships? It also vindicates your approach of not doing things the way she does.


scully98 wrote :
now...I hadn't thought of that, but given the other post here about the guy who will break up with a woman who always makes him pay rather than have the awkward conversation about sharing expenses makes me wonder if perhaps my boyfriend is on to something.
Sounds like me you're talking about! I will always break up rather than have a "conversation" because their actions have already told me enough if someone goes dating with me and comes out with no money.


scully98 wrote :
it's not an issue in my relationship with my boyfriend. we have a sharing of dating expenses that works for us. but I wonder just how accurate he might be about my friend.
perhaps she should do "exit interviews" where she asks men who dump her if money is the issue?


scully98 wrote :
if you were dating a woman for a month and she expected you to pay for everything, would you break up with her?
I wouldn't last a month with someone like that. I would either downgrade my aspirations to "fling" or ditch and replace.


scully98 wrote :
I'm wondering if I should talk to my girlfriend and suggest to her that she start paying for things. I hadn't thought about butting in until now. But she did tell me last night that her new boyfriend keeps saying things like, "well, I am a single parent" when he's paying for high-priced date items like tickets for an upcoming concert, etc. she said he says it jokingly, but I wonder if he is joking.
Why would he joke about it?
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #3  March 30,2011, 7:31am
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It seems to me that the guys who dump a girl because they won't have "that conversation" with them are also "still single", too.

I do think that one of the reasons your girlfriend is probably "still single" is because she's not contributing financially after a month of dating.

However, I think one of the reasons all the guys she are dating are also "still single" is because they dump their girlfriend instead of discussing an issue with them.

I never realized until this moment that the guy's version of "Well, if you don't know what is wrong I'm not going to tell you" was to just dump the girl.

At least with the girl's version you know something is wrong!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  March 30,2011, 7:44am
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scully98 wrote :

I'm wondering if I should talk to my girlfriend and suggest to her that she start paying for things. I hadn't thought about butting in until now. But she did tell me last night that her new boyfriend keeps saying things like, "well, I am a single parent" when he's paying for high-priced date items like tickets for an upcoming concert, etc. she said he says it jokingly, but I wonder if he is joking.
The thing is, if she thinks that he's joking, she's never going to take it seriously anyway.
It sure does sound like he's getting tired of footing the bill all the time..and that her cuteness factor, is starting to wear thin..

Another possibility is, although you say she's sweet, cute...she may have an overall sense of entitlement in regard to everything she does with her dates...and this will often start to show, in time.
I also think her age and the age of the men she dates has a bit to do with how much of this behavior is offensive..or not.
Last edited by TheThinker; March 30,2011 at 7:50am.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #5  March 30,2011, 7:59am
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Xable wrote :
It seems to me that the guys who dump a girl because they won't have "that conversation" with them are also "still single", too.
Why do you say that? I believe you mean "become single until they find someone who is a better fit"?

Xable wrote :
I do think that one of the reasons your girlfriend is probably "still single" is because she's not contributing financially after a month of dating.

However, I think one of the reasons all the guys she are dating are also "still single" is because they dump their girlfriend instead of discussing an issue with them.
We don't know this. They have have just moved on and become attached to someone who is a better fit or they may have remained single.


Xable wrote :
I never realized until this moment that the guy's version of "Well, if you don't know what is wrong I'm not going to tell you" was to just dump the girl.

At least with the girl's version you know something is wrong!
That's because you don't understand the logic. It's a sign of the kind of woman I wouldn't want to spend time with if they don't have a self motivated inclination to pay. Therefore I have no need for a conversation about it because their actions have told me enough about what their standards are.

Selfishness/ignorance is not a behaviour trait I wish to change in someone, it's one I wish to avoid. An indication of this is someone who sits back and thinks they don't need to pay or believes they should only pay if prompted.
Last edited by SteveManchesterEngland; March 30,2011 at 8:05am.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  March 30,2011, 8:02am
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scully98 wrote :
funny conversation via text with my boyfriend last night. I have a very pretty girlfriend who is always single, despite her sweet nature and cute appearance. last night, the new guy she's dating (someone I set her up with), was surprised when he heard that I'd paid for tickets to a concert that I went to recently with my boyfriend.

I told my boyfriend, in private text, that I thought the reason he was surprised was because my friend never pays for anything and lets the guy pay for every aspect of their dates.

my boyfriend sent a simple response: "think I know why she's single."

now...I hadn't thought of that, but given the other post here about the guy who will break up with a woman who always makes him pay rather than have the awkward conversation about sharing expenses makes me wonder if perhaps my boyfriend is on to something.

it's not an issue in my relationship with my boyfriend. we have a sharing of dating expenses that works for us. but I wonder just how accurate he might be about my friend.

if you were dating a woman for a month and she expected you to pay for everything, would you break up with her?

I'm wondering if I should talk to my girlfriend and suggest to her that she start paying for things. I hadn't thought about butting in until now. But she did tell me last night that her new boyfriend keeps saying things like, "well, I am a single parent" when he's paying for high-priced date items like tickets for an upcoming concert, etc. she said he says it jokingly, but I wonder if he is joking.

If we had gotten to the point of us being in a relationship I expect her to pay occasionally.

I am running into this currently...I want her to pay sometimes but I dont want to be forced with asking her to pay.

I have waited to pay to she would make an effort and she has.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  March 30,2011, 8:07am
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well its a huge jump to assume that shes single because she doesnt pay and will always be single because she doesnt pay and to straw man this to mean that "not paying initially" (is this what she does? we dont know) means never paying and to suggest that women that "dont pay" need to start paying or else they will always be single... to assume that shes not paying because of entitlement.

this is all just too flawed for me to take seriously.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  March 30,2011, 8:10am
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oh my god it has nothing to do with contributing financially

in reading some of the responses we dont know enough about the situation or the people involved

its like if i said you cant "buy" your way into a relationship by paying all of the time. its not about the money and it never is for either side.

i find these attempts to make it "about the money" repulsive
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #9  March 30,2011, 8:17am
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Nanette wrote :
... its not about the money and it never is for either side.
....
if money wasn't an issue for people then there wouldn't be so many "who pays" threads!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #10  March 30,2011, 8:22am
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thats your theory. obviously not mine
 
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