Past relationship baggage


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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #11  March 30,2011, 8:46am
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true true... i was a little trigger happy. i didnt see her other responses.

idk even if he doesnt talk about her isnt he still thinking about her way too much if he cant go somewhere because it makes him think of *her*? that tells me that hes still a little damaged from it. idk that would concern me.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #12  March 30,2011, 9:05am
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I have places that have negative associations for me, too, so I understand the resistance. I agree with Thinker, though, that you can go to those places and make new emotional associations.

If he is avoiding places because of negative associations, I think it's fair to say "OK. Pick two places (restaurants, hotels, clubs) that we absolutely won't go to. Everywhere else is open to us." That way you can acknowledge the problem and move on from it at the same time. It's not reasonable to exclude a whole city from your entertainment possibilities.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #13  March 30,2011, 3:57pm
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Yours is still a very new relationship, so I would give this a few more weeks, then I'd insist on going to these locations, not doing so is enabling this behaviour.

In the meantime, I would tell him that it makes me uncomfortable that he talks about places he went with his exs and I'd like him to soon look forward to going to those same places with me to form happy associations with them, as Thinker said.

He may not realize that he is doing it or not know that is impacting you negatively.
 
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