Do you rely on your gut reaction?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  March 29,2011, 3:59pm

Moderator

Joined: Sep 2008

Pasadena, California

Posts: 1,814

See profile

How much importance do you place on your “gut feelings” when you’re communicating with online candidates/going out with them?

Do you place more validity on your gut above the “factual” information (such as what they say about themselves and they’re actions)?

Why or why not?

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  March 29,2011, 4:15pm
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

i place a lot of weight on my gut feelings because i think they are actually derived from that persons communication style, demeanor and actions.

if my gut said one thing and they told me something contradictory i think i would possibly wait for more information to see if my gut (or their claim) was correct or not, depending on what it was
 
  Reply With Quote
savman is offline savman Post #3  March 29,2011, 4:21pm
savman's Avatar

is back in the game

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2010

Blissville

Posts: 2,779

See profile

Strange wording.

If something is factual then it is factual. And I see no reason to question that.

If my gut tells me something I have been told is likely incorrect then I will often try to reconcile the two. If that is impossible, then you have to figure out how important it is.

Likely I would let one gut feeling slide, depending on how strongly I felt it, and how important it was.

But, sometimes you can get multiple vibes that things are not right. Then you usually just have to move on if you have no way to find out the truth for sure.

I think it is important to note the difference between the word factual and the words and actions of people.

Fact > Actions > Words
 
  Reply With Quote
mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #4  March 29,2011, 4:54pm
mitchell175's Avatar

mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2010

Boston, MA... or thereabouts

Posts: 6,392

See profile

I tend to go with my gut, but I find that online, you just can't get the same vibes as from someone you meet IRL. You look for inconsistencies in what they write on their profile/in emails. IRL, you might notice that kind of thing in conversation, where things don't match up. I have an amazing memory for little facts, and I know when someone is changing their story. Meeting someone online, you only have the written word.

Online, it's also harder to determine intent, because the same statement can be read 100 different ways. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt online, believing that what they have written is what they actually meant. But, on a RL meeting with them, I would make sure that what they wrote matches up with the vibe I am getting in person.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #5  March 29,2011, 4:58pm
Mr_Right's Avatar

says this is the best wedding picture!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

USA

Posts: 4,402

See profile

When your gut and brain are as one, then all is well with your decision making process.
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  March 29,2011, 11:12pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,148

See profile

I got with my gut more than the "facts" stated. They are provided by the person trying to get you to date them, so they may not really be "facts". I think it is sometimes good to question what someone tells you.

I was recently contacted by a man who stated he was separated. Besides this fact, I would have accepted a date with him. I sent him an e-mail stating this preference. A couple of months later I was contacted by him again. This time his profile stated that he was a widow. Hhhmmmmm.... So, from separated to widow in less than two months. Now, this could be true, but my feeling is that he was hoping I would have forgotten who he was and he adjusted the "facts" in his profile. This was a gut call. Declined.
 
  Reply With Quote
boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #7  March 30,2011, 12:07am
boomer_gal's Avatar

lives where there are rainbows

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2010

Honolulu

Posts: 2,518

See profile

Well, I'm a newbie to the dating scene, but I'll say this much: there was one guy that my gut told me wasn't right for me. But because I received so few matches, I met this guy for lunch. (an OKC match btw). And he just really creeped me out. I can't put my finger on it, even now, but the feeling was very strong. I think in the future I will listen more to my gut.
 
  Reply With Quote
HeartJourney is offline HeartJourney Post #8  March 30,2011, 12:23am
HeartJourney's Avatar

figures all bets are off

Quick Study

Joined: Feb 2011

Somewhere over the Rainbow

Posts: 148

See profile

AndieIsMe wrote :
I got with my gut more than the "facts" stated. They are provided by the person trying to get you to date them, so they may not really be "facts". I think it is sometimes good to question what someone tells you.

I was recently contacted by a man who stated he was separated. Besides this fact, I would have accepted a date with him. I sent him an e-mail stating this preference. A couple of months later I was contacted by him again. This time his profile stated that he was a widow. Hhhmmmmm.... So, from separated to widow in less than two months. Now, this could be true, but my feeling is that he was hoping I would have forgotten who he was and he adjusted the "facts" in his profile. This was a gut call. Declined.
do you think.......
 
  Reply With Quote
annother is offline annother Post #9  March 30,2011, 4:29am
annother's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Apr 2010

Alberta

Posts: 10,735

See profile

As some of you know from previous posts, my gut reaction has sometimes led me astray. It has caused me to trust men I should not have trusted.

I have thought about this a lot and I've come to a few conclusions:

1. Trust, but verify. I don't want to go through life being distrustful because I know that most people are honest and reliable. So, I still prefer to trust but I will also do more to protect myself but asking more direct questions. Some questions that I always thought it rude to ask have now become necessary to ask.

2. The more experience, the clearer the gut reaction. Our gut reactions are, I think, a consequence of our experiences. The more experience we have in meeting people, the better we are able to discern character. It's not unlike training by repetition. You can act on instinct when you've done something often enough.

When I started reading online profiles, I was actually training myself to read them and to read into them. The more I read, the more I get a sense of what is and what is not the style and tone of an ordinary person looking for love. When something (maybe even just a word or phrase) seems a bit 'off' now, it is in comparison to all the other profiles I have read. I could not have picked those things out so easily at first.

3. Bad experiences are good. The few bad experiences I have had have provided me with a lot of food for thought about my own reactions as well as the behaviours of the men concerned. Obviously, I don't want to repeat my errors, and now I have some comparisons on which to draw. This makes me a smarter and a safer dater.
 
  Reply With Quote
NBdater is offline NBdater Post #10  March 30,2011, 4:51am
NBdater's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Dec 2007

Newport beach

Posts: 463

See profile

Every time I have ignored my gut feeling in life I have regretted doing so. Listen to your gut, especially if your personal or financial safety may be at stake.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« A Month In 1 date, plenty of texts | Dating | The wave of single mothers »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Rely ID rtf1057 Using eHarmony 10 January 2,2011 6:07pm
Rely ID rtf1057 Using eHarmony 0 December 27,2010 8:19am
Rely ID.... seeksoulmate Using eHarmony 11 October 4,2010 12:19pm
Two Jehovah's Witnesses Knock On Your Door...What Is Your Reaction? DreamingOfJustice Religion & Spirituality 65 November 18,2009 2:08pm
"Finish Your Profile" Ad with Rely ID Sign Up—Anyone else annoyed? gubrilkia Using eHarmony 3 September 14,2009 11:20am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:40am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0