LaidBackGuy2705 is offline LaidBackGuy2705 Post #1  March 29,2011, 12:40pm
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Heres what Ive been wondering over the time Ive been on online dating. This can be directed manily to women, but guys feel free to chime in also.

So my question is, when it comes to asking questions, how much is too much? In todays world, I like to find as much as I can about a person before I ask them out, because you can never trust too many people anymore, especially people online. But not too much that it starts getting old. The problem is I think I am usually asking too much (where it starts to get like 20 questions, althought I dont ask 20 questions, but you get the point) and I eventually lose the woman I am talking to. Now, dont get me wrong, I am not the type where I dont trust anyone at all, I have a level of trust.

So what is a good amount of questions or point where it gets to too much. Or does anyone have any general questions that can find out alot about a person without asking too many questions?
 
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richey is offline richey Post #2  March 29,2011, 1:07pm
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What types of questions are you asking them?
And how much of your questioning is scripted vs. based on things she's saying as she's answering your original questions?

In general.. if you come with scripted questions that are completely outside the flow of the conversation and come in rather randomly as "question 1, answer 1... now let's go to question 2, answer 2".. that will buzzkill any interaction/date.

But if your questions are based on what they are already saying and thus offshoots of what they are already talking about, then it'll go much better and you will find they will be much more willing to talk about it and happy to anwer for a much longer period of time.

So it's not really ... "how many?"
The key is.. WHAT are you asking them? and WHAT are you questions being based off that you come up with them?

If it's "i made a list" or "came up with them myself".. *buzz*

If it's "well i ask them a lot about what they're saying and mentioning" that's a winner.

Good luck.

Richey
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  March 29,2011, 1:14pm
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Hi LaidBackGuy -- I agree, you have to be aware that there are "unsavory people" poking around on the internet, but what exactly is it that you're trying to figure out, by lengthy questioning of your matches? What is it that you don't trust?

If you met a woman at a party, would you ask her the same kinds of questions?

I'm just wondering if maybe you're going a little overboard with the questions ... which many women could find offensive or at least boring.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #4  March 29,2011, 1:22pm
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LaidBackGuy2705 wrote :
Heres what Ive been wondering over the time Ive been on online dating. This can be directed manily to women, but guys feel free to chime in also.

So my question is, when it comes to asking questions, how much is too much? In todays world, I like to find as much as I can about a person before I ask them out, because you can never trust too many people anymore, especially people online. But not too much that it starts getting old. The problem is I think I am usually asking too much (where it starts to get like 20 questions, althought I dont ask 20 questions, but you get the point) and I eventually lose the woman I am talking to. Now, dont get me wrong, I am not the type where I dont trust anyone at all, I have a level of trust.

So what is a good amount of questions or point where it gets to too much. Or does anyone have any general questions that can find out alot about a person without asking too many questions?

When starting open communication(emails), don't start off with asking a plethora of questions. But, what you can do is pick maybe three general questions and go from there. Try to ask questions that gets the match to open up w/o coming off too personal/nosey. Maybe ask her about some things about her profile or about her background(i.e., where she grew up, where she attended school, etc.) what her favorite activities are, etc. From there, maybe share some things about yourself and see if she asks you any questions. What you want to do is create like a mini conversation, not an interview. Get creative but keep it short(at first).

Then try to exchange numbers, then talk and set up a time to meet(in person). Dating is a process, so remember that you don't have to know everything about everyone right away. Allow someone to open up when she feels comfortable and at the same time exchange interesting dialogue with one another.

B.Y.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #5  March 29,2011, 1:29pm
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Its your style of questioning...there has to be a flow and a conversation...not an agenda driven Q & A.

Also some of these question can be held till date #1, date #2, or date #3...it takes 3 dates to understand really when you are getting
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #6  March 29,2011, 1:33pm
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LaidBackGuy2705 wrote :
In todays world, I like to find as much as I can about a person before I ask them out, because you can never trust too many people anymore, especially people online.... Now, dont get me wrong, I am not the type where I dont trust anyone at all, I have a level of trust.
Why not just meet? You seem like you have a decent head on your shoulders, and you're not going to get sucked in by some crazy story from a woman. Meeting in person is the real "weirdo test". Just keep it safe, meet in a public place, and you'll be fine.

What answers are you looking for with your "20 questions"? Are there answers she could give that would make you want to meet? Or NOT want to meet?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  March 29,2011, 1:35pm
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What I don't quite understand is what exactly are you afraid of that you feel the need to interrogate to the point where you drive women away? I mean what do you think is going to happen if you meet her for a coffee in a nice public place? A meet is not a contractual agreement to jump into a relationship and most of the time, you'll part company not wanting to see each other again anyway.

Also, if someone did have bad intentions, don't you think that it's much easier for them to lie and type out answers that you want to hear online than in person? After all, online they have time to think, you don't hear their tone, see their face expressions, etc. You are missing about 90% of communication cues.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  March 29,2011, 1:36pm
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...dupe
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #9  March 29,2011, 1:43pm
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It isn't about how many questions you ask but how you ask them. It shouldn't feel like an interview but a conversation. I admit, it is a fine art and can be a little tricky to master but it can be done.

I never ask a question without being willing to answer it myself. Sometimes I share my answer and then pose the question back to my match so they can share.

If you don't want to share you answer until you get theirs, because you don't want your answer to bias theirs, remember it is all about give and take. Share something else about yourself that is related and then pose your question. But remember, once you get their answer it is always good to reply in like.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  March 29,2011, 1:46pm
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LaidBackGuy2705 wrote :
Heres what Ive been wondering over the time Ive been on online dating. This can be directed manily to women, but guys feel free to chime in also.

So my question is, when it comes to asking questions, how much is too much? In todays world, I like to find as much as I can about a person before I ask them out, because you can never trust too many people anymore, especially people online. But not too much that it starts getting old. The problem is I think I am usually asking too much (where it starts to get like 20 questions, althought I dont ask 20 questions, but you get the point) and I eventually lose the woman I am talking to. Now, dont get me wrong, I am not the type where I dont trust anyone at all, I have a level of trust.

So what is a good amount of questions or point where it gets to too much. Or does anyone have any general questions that can find out alot about a person without asking too many questions?
If you're "losing her"..then you've gone beyond the simple "How do you like your job? or..."What sort of things do you like to do?"...and have gotten waaay too invasive with your questions.

As others have said, stop trying to interrogate matches because you simply aren't going to learn much before meeting, anyway..
As long as there are no obvious red flags or glaring displays of baggage...meet them.
Share a couple of questions, tell them a little about yourself, etc.. then ask them to meet.
Don't make it any more complicated than it needs to be.
Last edited by TheThinker; March 29,2011 at 1:53pm.
 
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