Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #31  April 1,2011, 4:21am
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Personally, I think asking about the parents' relationship is completely meaningless. Why?

(1) Because a child's view of their own parents' relationship is already quite slanted in the first place, whether positive or negative, it doesn't matter.

(2) Parents who have stayed together the child's entire life (so far) are not necessarily an indication of a 'successful' marriage. What is the definition of a successful marriage, anyway? I don't think longevity is the defining criteria. The true defining criteria is how well they get along, do they still love each other, and can they effectively work through conflict (which is inevitable, by the way). For example, anyone who claims their parents never fought or raised their voices, etc. is either lying or naive.

(3) A failed marriage (i.e., divorce or anything similar) is not necessarily an indication that the child has suffered severe psychological damage and is incapable of forming a healthy adult relationship. Sometimes it is of course, but most of us have watched our parents do things that we've decided we will definitely NOT do in our lives.

(4) Children who come from a stable, solid, happy and loving home where their parents' relationship couldn't be better oftentimes have unrealistic expectations of what they want in their own relationship. Sometimes these are the people who have never married, because that 'perfect' person hasn't materialized yet. Can you say 'too much pressure'? ;-)

(5) All that really matters is the mental and emotional health of the person you are meeting, and how well the two of you resolve conflict and get along in every area. If all is good, then all is good . . . regardless of the status of the parents. Some of us ARE able to learn and grow from our mistakes, and from watching others' bad examples.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #32  April 1,2011, 7:09am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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If you are on eHarmony and have used Guided Communication then you have asked 8 questions before you have sent the first e-mail. Also because the profile is not free form but is answers to general questions which are designed to reveal personality traits and values you have all that information as well. Plus you have shared your MHCS which are answers to questions even through the questions themselves were not actually asked.

As to your trust issues with people in general and specifically people you are going to meet through online dating sites, follow the guidelines that reputable dating sites post for safe first meetings and you should have no problems.

As for the questions to ask before meeting and how many questions to ask, etc. Don't ask any questions that you would not ask a total stranger and / or that you would not want to answer yourself. As for how many to ask, I generally like to suggest meeting within about 5 or 6 e-mail exchanges. You can never know if you have any real interest in someone until you meet in person. So you want to meet sooner rather than later. And no matter how much electronic communication you have done when you meet for the first time you are still virtual strangers.
 
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charmed59 is offline charmed59 Post #33  April 1,2011, 7:52am
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The weird thing about eHarmony is you can get asked about your parent's relationship before you are asked if you ever have been married. I was happily married for 22 years. I find it especially weird to discuss my parent's marriage instead of mine. If you want to learn about me wouldn't my marriage be more germane?
 
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