Who pays, with a twist: when he makes less than she does


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  March 29,2011, 11:05am
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A post on my Weekly date & weekend roundup thread (Monday, March 28th weekend and date roundup!) today got me thinking - and I don't believe this very specific aspect of this topic has been explored at length here before -- so...does the "who pays" dynamic change if the woman out-earns the man by a lot?

Ladies, if you are earning considerably more than your date, does that change your feelings as to who should pay on a first date specifically?

Men, if you know that your date is earning much more than you (by virtue of your relative career positions), do you have an expectation that she will pay on the first date?

Looking forward to a respectful and civil discussion.
 
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pisto is offline pisto Post #2  March 29,2011, 11:06am
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I'm all for a sugar momma. Honey, you can take ME out anytime.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #3  March 29,2011, 11:09am
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I don't think a discussion on this topic is at all necessary, as the chances of a woman accepting to date a man who she earns more than by a lot are next to nil.

(I'm joking btw... but only somewhat! there's a bit of truth in there)
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #4  March 29,2011, 11:10am
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I wouldn't know - I've never out-earned any of the men I've dated. I only wish I were making that kind of money.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  March 29,2011, 11:15am
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Harryoss wrote :
I don't think a discussion on this topic is at all necessary, as the chances of a woman accepting to date a man who she earns more than by a lot are next to nil.

(I'm joking btw... but only somewhat! there's a bit of truth in there)
Well, it's interesting, because before posting this I said it aloud in the office, and got a few responses along those lines from the females, but opposite responses as well.

The ones who objected didn't as much from an "I won't date a guy who earns less than me" perspective as from a "well...that kind of thing tends to cause trouble down the line, on both sides" perspective.

But that's probably a discussion for another thread

~~~

Meanwhile I will chime in from my own perspective on the question in my OP. As a woman is finds myself primarily and (seemingly) perpetually attracted to musicians and/or other creative/artistic types, I find myself in this position quite a bit. On first dates specifically, I always sincerely make an offer to contribute to the check - not just to be polite, but also in consideration for his financial situation. Almost without exception my dates adamantly refuse - and I feel guilty, but resolve to (and do!) pick up the tab on date 2 (if there is one).

I can't speak to my date's expectations relative to my paying because I'm earning more than them, but I *think* they don't expect me to pay just because they earn less - at least, that's my assumption based on their staunch refusal to accept even assistance in covering the bill.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  March 29,2011, 11:17am
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Lindac7 wrote :
I wouldn't know - I've never out-earned any of the men I've dated. I only wish I were making that kind of money.
Yeah, I don't even make THAT much money is the sad thing - musicians and artists just tend to make way less (unless they're very lucky, or have a good stable "day job").
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #7  March 29,2011, 11:19am
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My question is... how do you know who makes more money?!? I don't ask nor care how much money my date makes and I certainly don't bring up that question until many many moons down the line.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #8  March 29,2011, 11:22am
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very excellent questions Lori.. i'm very curious to hear the reactions from females here.
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #9  March 29,2011, 11:26am
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Any guy who wants me to be his Sugar Mama is not a guy I could ever respect. I'm not looking for a little boy, I'm looking for a man.

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I have always contributed my fair share to any dating relationship I've been in.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  March 29,2011, 11:31am
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I will address your question with the benefit of my experience.

1) The girls that I have gone out with that were quite obviously high dollar earners made no attempt to pay. They were very into the traditional dating roles, guy pays for the date.

2) I always ask for suggestions as to where my match would like to meet for the first date, I want her to be comfortable with the meeting place. With one exception, while they were big bucks earners they did not suggest pricey restaurants for the first date.

3) The girls that earned (had) a more modest amount never came across with a sense of entitlement to being taken out on the date the same way that the girls with a lot of money did.

As an aside. I consider any girl that offers to pay her share on the first date as a sure sign that there won't be a second date.
 
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