texasgal09 is offline texasgal09 Post #21  March 29,2011, 11:20am
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Like sweet kisses posted earlier, I got off to a late start when it came to dating and relationships. Add to that the fact that I went to a university with fewer available guys my age and then got in a job where I did not meet a lot of single guys. And, of course, where I live, pretty much everyone is married by age 30. Most of my friends are now married with children or have just had their first child. They only seem to know other married couples and I'm usually the only singleton in the group. More than anything, I want to meet that special someone to grow old with and have a family with, but it just doesn't seem like it's ever going to happen.

My mom became seriously ill about five years ago and passed away a year and a half later. Between helping her during her illness and then dealing with the loss afterward, my focus was not on dating. In that time frame, I've been on a handful of dates here and there, but none has turned into anything long-term. My last date was in September 2010 when an eH match came here for the weekend for our first-time visit, He came on way too strong and was obviously just looking for some action and not a potential relationship, so that did not end well. So I have not been on a date for about 6 months and have not seen anyone seriously since right before my mom became ill. I probably am the world champion when it comes to dating droughts!
 
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beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #22  March 29,2011, 11:32am
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boschimsp wrote :
I can see based on your dating history why it would be hard to go 5-10 years without a significant other. When you look at all of your years, you've basically spent all of your adult, independent life with someone else. Not having one is going against what you've established as your norm. In some ways, having a bit of single time might work to your advantage because you might realize that you actually can survive just fine without a SO for awhile. I've personally found that getting to a place where I realize I want but don't need a significant other has been helpful. My judgement on the kinds of guys that deserve me has improved.
I agree. It has been a good thing to not have had a boyfriend and concentrate on myself. I am finally at a happy place without being with a guy. Not to be confused with not wanting one. Still want that, but I know I will be fine without one.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #23  March 29,2011, 7:04pm
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BabyYoda wrote :
Is there anyone currently going through a dating drought? Have anyone went for an extended period of time w/o dating? If so, how do you cope with the drought?
Gee, most of my 30's? I went through a rough time in my 30's, dealing with a bunch of personal issues, and I didn't feel very good about myself, and I didn't even want to think about dating for the longest time. Yeah, I got really lonely sometimes, but not enough to actually want to go out and do anything about it. Just the thought of having to deal with another person and all of their "stuff" was too much.

I'm not sure what finally "flipped the switch". I guess just really figuring out what my issues were, and deciding to work on them. Because I was sick of being single, and sick of not feeling good about myself. After a couple of false starts that didn't go anywhere, I finally dated a guy for a while last year. That ended about 6 months ago, and I jumped on EH, and only just last week had my first date from that. So, just when I am "ready" to date - I can't find anyone to date!

I guess one thing I have learned in all of this is that I definitely don't need a partner. But, I feel like I have a lot to offer a partner, and I don't intend to spend the rest of my life alone. (Are you listening, up there?).
 
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moonandstars is offline moonandstars Post #24  March 29,2011, 7:29pm
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my last relationship ended a year and 3 months ago. i moved across the country. since moving back to the east coast, i haven't had a break from dating. it's absolutely been non-stop. but i started feeling like i needed a serious time-out...felt emotionally drained. friends and family tell me i'll feel better taking time away from guys. on one hand i feel their advice and want the rest too, on the other hand i'm not sure if this really solves anything. if life keeps me too busy to date, then so be it, but making conscious decisions to stop socializing with the opposite sex doesnt make 100% sense to me. jury's still out on that.
 
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jawshoouh is offline jawshoouh Post #25  March 29,2011, 7:53pm
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BabyYoda wrote :
Is there anyone currently going through a dating drought? Have anyone went for an extended period of time w/o dating? If so, how do you cope with the drought?


B.Y.
I'm in an 8-month drought. How do I cope with it? Drugs and alcohol. And LOTS of it.

Kidding. I'm quite happy. I got out of a 3.5 year relationship and the time off from having any sort of emotional investment in anyone is quite nice. No dates. No hooking up. No random make-out sessions in bars. I wasn't even single, I was completely off the market. I made a conscience decision to have no interest in anyone.

I coped with it by rediscovering myself. When you're in a relationship for that long, you lose part of yourself in the relationship...it's normal. But being free of it, you rediscover some of the little things that made you you.

And if you're all sad and depressed about no longer being in a relationship, or even worse, were sad and depressed because you were in a relationship, then it's time to get back to knowing yourself and finding out what makes you happy.

Sorry if this is going off-topic, but if you're not happy being by yourself (and this is just my opinion), what makes you think you're going to be happy dating, or even in a relationship? If you absolutely need another person to make you happy, then I don't think your dating/relationship will be healthy. Dating/being in a relationship shouldn't fill some sort of emotional black hole that you may have; it should augment your life.

I'm not naive enough to think that everyone is happy with every aspect of their life; we've all worked jobs that we hate, lived someplace we hate, or are just in a place in our lives that we're just not happy with. And the way I see it, if that's the case, then take some time to yourself, work on making yourself happy, and don't drag anyone else down into your pit of self-loathing and despair just because you think being in a relationship will make everything better.

Being alone shouldn't mean being depressed and miserable. It's a great time for self-reflection and self-improvement. Get a career you actually like. Do something new that you've always wanted to try. Move to a different city. Take a chance. Life's too f'in short to sit about and mope about what could be when you've got every opportunity to make it into what you want it to be.

Then again, this could just be the Guinness talking...
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #26  March 29,2011, 9:10pm
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richey wrote :
If the ultimate thought in your head is, "omg i haven't dated or had a bf/gf in x months or x years", than your'e not in a good spot.
Richey
So I guess it's a bad sign when you think in terms of who was in the White House the last time you had sex?
 
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