Do old-fashioned dating rules still apply'?


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GEMmon266 is offline GEMmon266 Post #1  March 27,2011, 2:16pm
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Hey everyone! I'm fairly new to EH and brand new to these boards, but I've been enjoying reading them. I just have a question to see what other people think...

I'm going on a second date (yay!) this week with a guy that I got matched with on EH a couple of weeks ago. We had a great time and I'm really looking forward to seeing him again. At the end of the dinner date, the check came and he scooped it up and put his credit card in the check holder. I offered to help, more out of courtesy than anything because I don't think any guy would let a girl pay on a first date and I didn't want him to think I was ungrateful. He said of course not.

Usually in the beginning of relationships, the guy usually pays, or at least that's how I was raised. But do the old-fashioned dating rules still apply as far as paying for this go? Is online dating different that way? I don't know! On this second date should I pick up something or maybe pay for the drinks? Any advice on the subject would be greatly appreciated!
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #2  March 27,2011, 2:28pm
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GEM, there are as many answers to the 'paying' question as there are posters on these boards. Age range and geography play a huge role in expected behaviors and responses. My best advice is to make genuine and sincere efforts and offers to pay equally, not just offers for show; some men will accept, some will accept hesitantly, some will never accept. Be relaxed, flexible and genuine, and it will work out naturally.
Last edited by Dropdeadredtx; March 27,2011 at 2:38pm. Reason: amusing typo
 
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savman is offline savman Post #3  March 27,2011, 2:35pm
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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
GEM, there are as many answers to the 'paying' question as there are posters on these boards. Age range and geography play a hug role in expected behaviors and responses. My best advice is to make genuine and sincere efforts and offers to pay equally, not just offers for show; some men will accept, some will accept hesitantly, some will never accept. Be relaxed, flexible and genuine, and it will work out naturally.
That is just about the perfect answer.

If the past is any indication, this will grow into a long thread. After it reaches page 40 you can read it all, and when you distill all of that information, you will have the post above.
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #4  March 27,2011, 2:45pm
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Since neither side knows whether it will work out for the long term or even a second date, the only fair thing is to split the cost.

End thread.
 
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GEMmon266 is offline GEMmon266 Post #5  March 27,2011, 2:48pm
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Thanks for the advice! I'm just new to online dating and I didn't know if there were unspoken "rules" that people followed.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #6  March 27,2011, 2:48pm
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never pay, especially in the beginning. dont even offer

thread back open
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  March 27,2011, 2:50pm
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there are plenty of unspoken rules and most men wont let you pay. i think to offer is even offensive to some, except for maybe the 8 that post on eharmony advice.

look at how your date reacted. thats how the majority of men react.
 
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LovelyLinda04 is offline LovelyLinda04 Post #8  March 27,2011, 3:31pm

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If you like him then ask him, what his feeling are about going out "Dutch"? Take it from there. It's either yes or no.

L.L.
 
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LongLocks is offline LongLocks Post #9  March 27,2011, 3:39pm
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If it's a first meeting (which I really don't consider a "date,") I offer to help pay the tab, to which the man has always said he would take care of it. If there are future dates, I don't offer to pay in the beginning, but will later down the road if we go out together often. I will also show my appreciation by inviting him over for a home cooked meal. For reference, my age is 53.
 
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savman is offline savman Post #10  March 27,2011, 5:23pm
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GEMmon266 wrote :
Thanks for the advice! I'm just new to online dating and I didn't know if there were unspoken "rules" that people followed.
Many people assume one set of rules and many assume another set of rules. This basically means, there are no rules. Rules are only rules if everyone follows them, and people are all over the place on this topic.

Be open and honest and communicate on the issue. If the two people are so far apart that they cannot agree, then they should go their separate ways.

I personally see no reason at all why gender should have anything to do with who pays for a date. Just like who paid for dates 50 years ago should have no bearing on who pays for dates today. To me a date is a meeting of two PEOPLE who are looking to explore the possibility of a relationship together. Equality should be just as important when it raises the rewards to women, as when it raises their costs.

Nanette and I obviously disagree on this issue, which points out very well that there really are no rules.
 
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