13 Things That Men Are Too Embarrassed to Tell You

13 Things That Men Are Too Embarrassed to Tell You

This discussion is based on an Advice article:
13 Things That Men Are Too Embarrassed to Tell You


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hobnob is offline hobnob Post #1  March 27,2011, 1:16pm
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Wow! Does this piece of advice open a can of worms!!!? If guys are so scared of becoming a "walking wallet" as mentioned later in the article, then maybe the woman having a succesfull job that makes her financially independent should be higher up on a guy's list! Not saying that having a job and being nice are incompatible for a woman. Just pointing out the glaring contradiction in values promoted by this article. Lets not even say that when the guy doesn't care about the woman's professional life he is disregarding a huge part of her identity and bringing the woman back about 60 years or so! Who wants to feel like a Stepford Wife?! Also, if being passionate about something and being happy are always so high on the "wants in a potential mate" list, most happy people are happy b/c they feel fulfilled by spending 8+ hrs a day doing something they are passionate about! Disregarding that is the fastest way to send a woman running out the door. Advising a guy  not  to disregard a woman with a more modest career path is one thing, advising a guy to disregard his mate's promotion at work is a whooole different story.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  March 27,2011, 1:36pm
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well 'hobnob' not having a "professional life' doesnt make someone a stepford wife by default
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #3  March 27,2011, 1:44pm
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hobnob wrote :
If guys are so scared of becoming a "walking wallet" as mentioned later in the article, then maybe the woman having a succesfull job that makes her financially independent should be higher up on a guy's list!
I do value a woman who is financially responsible (i.e. doesn't spend more than she makes) and helps pay for dates, but in my experience the correlation between those things and "a successful job" (paycheck-wise) is not as strong as you might think.

I also value a woman with an education and a challenging and rewarding career, because I don't otherwise feel we have a lot to talk about, but I don't care about the paycheck as long as she lives within her means.
 
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J_85 is offline J_85 Post #4  April 2,2011, 7:39am
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hobnob wrote :
Wow! Does this piece of advice open a can of worms!!!? If guys are so scared of becoming a "walking wallet" as mentioned later in the article, then maybe the woman having a succesfull job that makes her financially independent should be higher up on a guy's list! Not saying that having a job and being nice are incompatible for a woman. Just pointing out the glaring contradiction in values promoted by this article. Lets not even say that when the guy doesn't care about the woman's professional life he is disregarding a huge part of her identity and bringing the woman back about 60 years or so! Who wants to feel like a Stepford Wife?! Also, if being passionate about something and being happy are always so high on the "wants in a potential mate" list, most happy people are happy b/c they feel fulfilled by spending 8+ hrs a day doing something they are passionate about! Disregarding that is the fastest way to send a woman running out the door. Advising a guy not to disregard a woman with a more modest career path is one thing, advising a guy to disregard his mate's promotion at work is a whooole different story.
Nothing in the article came close to suggesting a man should disregard his mate's promotion, much less actively seek unsuccessful woman. It simply suggests to women, who are the intended audience, that professional success does not impress a man as much as how you treat him. The reverse is also true to an extent: bragging about your job won't endear you to a girl as much as a simple compliment will. However, the truth is women are more likely to view a lack of professional ambition, success, and the pay that comes with it negatively.

On the other hand, while a man can and should be happy if his mate is successful, the professional status of his mate does not determine how he feels about her as much as how well she treats him.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  May 13,2011, 7:42am
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Gee, and here I thought this was one of the better articles that the "eHarmony Staff" has written.

I have encountered just about every one of the things mentioned in this article.
 
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Ciaran562 is offline Ciaran562 Post #6  May 29,2011, 11:04am
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I enjoyed reading this article. It summed up some guy issues in a clear way. Men (and women alike) don't need to be bashed because some of their needs and priorities are different. The better we understand and accept each other as we are, the more rewarding and genuine relationships we can offer.
 
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busybusy is offline busybusy Post #7  May 29,2011, 2:07pm
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I liked this article, too! And I lean towards J_85's interpretation of the whole career thing, as well as attributing that to women. I think we enjoy hearing about successes in the workplace to celebrate with your feeling of success, not necessarily because we care about the specifics.

The only thing that worries me is that I truly don't like to cook.....I'm not really even into food. It isn't unheard of for me to completely forget to eat for a day. If I didn't now have kids (darn them, and their never-ending need for sustenance!) I would probably live on cereal *blush*
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #8  May 29,2011, 4:00pm
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busybusy wrote :
...
The only thing that worries me is that I truly don't like to cook.....I'm not really even into food. It isn't unheard of for me to completely forget to eat for a day...
Lucky for you that there are guys like myself that love to cook. I have gotten calls in the past at the office when working late saying "Honey, when are you coming home? I am hungry!!!"
 
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my_comb_needs_dentures is offline my_comb_needs_dentures Post #9  June 4,2011, 9:49am
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Nanette wrote :
well 'hobnob' not having a "professional life' doesnt make someone a stepford wife by default
I didn't see hobnob's quote saying that. I agree that not having "professional life" doesn't make you a Stepford wife by default. Furthermore, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a Stepford wife if that's truly what you want and what your partner wants. Personally, I would go insane, but to each their own.

Also, I see many people wrote about the walking wallet issue.

The reason why women appreciate professional ambition, financial success and stability and all that is quite biological. Women make the babies, they raise the children, and they want the man to hunt and bring home the bacon to feed the babies. Primative? Yes. Complex issue oversimplified for time and space? Yes.

In one of these articles someone commented that if they (the girl) ever offer to split the check, it means they don't want to date you. Like, not another date. I would agree with that.

That said, there comes a point in a healthy relationship between two self-sufficient people, when you become partners in everything including finances. If you feel that one partner is using you for your finances, then you should evaluate the situation objectively and talk about it. Maybe she figures you should pay all the bills because she works 24/7 to [make you happy] even though she doesn't get paid $ for any of it. Or maybe she was raised that way, and it's a fundamental disagreement that cannot or even should not be overcome. Or maybe she's just cheap. Maybe you can come to an understanding, or maybe you can split amicably. Or maybe it will come to a verbal knock down drag out at the end of which you'll be free to find someone who agrees with you on financial issues. After all, finance is the number one issue leading to divorce. It will save both of you time, money, and heartache to figure this stuff out early on in the relationship.
 
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Trixie1968 is offline Trixie1968 Post #10  June 4,2011, 1:52pm

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I'm with hobnob.

According to this article men would like us to know that they want us to be happy but they're only happy if we leave them alone so they can spend time away from us. They certainly don't want to end up like their mates in apparently successful relationships because women can really ruin a man. They can't open up to women emotionally but time spent with mates is an emotional necessity.

They're apparently much more interested in our ability to cook and "be supportive" than they are in the achievements we might be proud of and whilst professional status isn't necessary, financial dependence on them is a no no (so you probably need a little pin money).

The article also implies that men generally want more sex than women ~ if only this were true, I might not be single today!

At least the article has the decency to state that men who subscribe to this nonsense actually feel "embarrassed" of themselves ~ so they should.

I don't believe men are like this.
 
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