time to call it quits?


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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #11  March 28,2011, 2:08pm
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What you describe sounds like the fundamentals of a strong relationship.

I'd say its not so much a cooling off as it is a "settling in" or "getting real" now that the perfection of infatuation is wearing off.
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #12  March 28,2011, 2:29pm
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I think every relationship changes a few months in, regardless of whether someone is coming off a divorce or not and whether the sex is fantastic or just okay.

I'd give yourself some time to feel things out and to feel out whether the amount of work the rest of your relationship requires you to put in is worth it.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #13  March 28,2011, 2:50pm
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The key here is what are you both looking for by being together? Are you looking for a long-term full fledged relatoinship? Are you just looking for companionship here and there? Are you looking for a friend and the benefits of the great sexual relationship a bonus?

So first and foremost you BOTH have to be on the same page and decide what it is that oyu want from seeing each other? Once you answer that the rest will fall in place.. such as:

1. well, for the type of relationship we want, are we compatible in that way?

2. for what we want to get out of seeing each other, do we see that as maintainable for however long it is we are looking to maintain it?

3. is his current divorce/rebound conducive to what you want to get out of seeing each other? (this is like an example of what you might have to ask during #2).

If it's a casual companionship relationship you want out of this ~ then i think you already have that solidly going on right now. If it's a full-blown full-time relationship you want ~ I see issues, but primarly that he just got divorced, is on the rebound, so whatever he's thinking eh wants right now is probably not going to ulimately be what he wants when he recovers. so in that case, you just need to ride it out and let him heal and get his capacities back running and see what it looks like then and go from there.

But if it's casual, i think you guys are there already and there's enough there to handle that and make that maintainable for now.

Good luck to you.

Richey
 
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datingintx is offline datingintx Post #14  March 29,2011, 12:00pm
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richey wrote :
The key here is what are you both looking for by being together? Are you looking for a long-term full fledged relatoinship? Are you just looking for companionship here and there? Are you looking for a friend and the benefits of the great sexual relationship a bonus?

So first and foremost you BOTH have to be on the same page and decide what it is that oyu want from seeing each other? Once you answer that the rest will fall in place.. such as:

1. well, for the type of relationship we want, are we compatible in that way?

2. for what we want to get out of seeing each other, do we see that as maintainable for however long it is we are looking to maintain it?

3. is his current divorce/rebound conducive to what you want to get out of seeing each other? (this is like an example of what you might have to ask during #2).

If it's a casual companionship relationship you want out of this ~ then i think you already have that solidly going on right now. If it's a full-blown full-time relationship you want ~ I see issues, but primarly that he just got divorced, is on the rebound, so whatever he's thinking eh wants right now is probably not going to ulimately be what he wants when he recovers. so in that case, you just need to ride it out and let him heal and get his capacities back running and see what it looks like then and go from there.

But if it's casual, i think you guys are there already and there's enough there to handle that and make that maintainable for now.

Good luck to you.

Richey
He seems to be sure about what he wants (family,children). He didn't have any children with his ex-wife. But I do think you have a point about being on the "rebound" -- i'm just not sure how to tell the difference. I mean i don't really know if there is a set time someone needs to get over a past relationship before getting serious about someone else.
 
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