Ten Things Women Never Want to Hear on a First Date


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sarahfelldown is offline sarahfelldown Post #1  March 25,2011, 5:38pm
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I'm kind of (ok, really) PO'ed about this one. Seems like a pretty generalized and insensitive thing to say, especially for a dating site.I'm overly shy, yes, but I've been able to keep a close network of friends & colleagues (most of 10 years or more). So I don't see my commitment issues or personality flaw (aside from social awkwardness), unless my yet-to-be-revealed personality flaw is yet-to-be-revealed to me as well.This generalization that someone with little to no dating or relationship history is flawed and not worth dating is disappointing and insulting to this eHarmony user.
 
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chocbunny is offline chocbunny Post #2  March 25,2011, 6:08pm
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Excellent piece of advice. I'm 46 yrs. old and have realized the most clingy people are those who can't tell you their passion.  When I have asked my friends (male and female) what their passion is, most could not answer. When I explain your passion is anything you would that brings you personal fulfillment-- even if they didn't get paid to do it (and not their job), almost all of them went blank.  These are the same people who fall head over heels in love with the first person who shows them any significant amount of attention. The friends who do have a passion seem to be much more level-headed in their thinking and dealing with others. I think it's particularly sad when people over 30 can't tell you what their passion is because they really don't know.
 
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chocbunny is offline chocbunny Post #3  March 25,2011, 6:08pm
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Excellent piece of advice. I'm 46 yrs. old and have realized the most clingy people are those who can't tell you their passion.  When I have asked my friends (male and female) what their passion is, most could not answer. When I explain your passion is anything you would that brings you personal fulfillment-- even if they didn't get paid to do it (and not their job), almost all of them went blank.  These are the same people who fall head over heels in love with the first person who shows them any significant amount of attention. The friends who do have a passion seem to be much more level-headed in their thinking and dealing with others. I think it's particularly sad when people over 30 can't tell you what their passion is because they really don't know.
 
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Backup_Tim is offline Backup_Tim Post #4  March 25,2011, 6:26pm
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  I agree with Sarah. I'll be thirty this year and while I have come close to a serious relationship once or twice, I have never been in situation where I could confidently say I had a girlfriend. I thought the whole purpose with a dating website was to help those of us who have trouble coming out of our shell and allowing people to see us for who we really are, become more comfortable with social interaction and build our confidence.  I can admit that some of the blame rest on me as to why I've never been in a serious romantic relationship. Sometimes I've not been clear about how I felt about someone or been afraid of rejection. Other times it was not my fault and actually ended up getting hurt because of it. Sometimes I've just been someone who was there to provide some of the emotional needs of a person and thats all she wanted from me. I also have very high standards. And I don't think I should lower them just because I might think this is the best I can hope for. I'm sorry, if she is good to look at but can't hold a conversation that interests us both then I would rather not get either of our feelings hurt by letting things develop between us.  It is an over generalization that those who have never been in a relationship are subpar. There is nothing wrong with being cautious. Rushing into relationships is exactly what causes so much hurt and broken relationships these day.   A Solid Character should be valued above prowes in relationships. And in the case of an excessive amount might even be signs of deeper and more troubling commitment issues. Who has more trouble committing? The person with no prior relationships or the person with 30 by the age of 30... ><>
 
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HelterIncendo is offline HelterIncendo Post #5  March 26,2011, 5:09am
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 Right on sarahfelldown!While it's certainly true that there are people with "commitment issues" it's hardly the only reason someone might not have been in a serious relationship. As for "personality flaws" hurm... EVERYONE I know including me has personality flaws!! It's a fact of life: human beings have human foibles, quirks, faults, whatever!I know several people that did not start dating until later in life, because of physical/medical issues that they may not want to discuss with someone on a first date. Suppose someone was morbidly obese in his/her 20's and then managed to lose the weight and is now starting out dating, for example. Is that a "personalit flaw" that should make you run away?If you think so, I for one hope you WILL run away and find someone as shallow as yourself to be with instead.
 
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Skillz is offline Skillz Post #6  March 26,2011, 8:47am
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You know what I find dating today is that as a society we're engaging in a little too much "overscrutinization" and "the paralysis of analysis".  So if a guy says "I really would rather not talk about past relationships" which would be in the category of the one about never having ever been in a long-term relationship or "I think that I may have to cutoff this friend of mine who I'm finding to be pretty toxic" which would be in the category of talking about your friend who is such a jerk or "What you got going on tomorrow?  You want to hangout again?" which would be in the category of asking her if she wants to hangout again tomorrow, why should a guy feel like he's walking on eggshells in saying things like that??Like I said, I think that today we're looking for a little too much moviescreen "wow" and theater "perfection" that just isn't out there.  The man or the woman has to dress perfectly, say everything perfectly, walk perfectly, talk perfectly, never have a spelling error in any e-mail that they send you, never order pasta on the first eating date.................sheesh!!!  Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to sit there on my first date with a woman and pass gas freely, but at the same time I shouldn't feel like if I enjoy the date with the girl and if things go well that if I ask her if she's free tomorrow night that I appear too clingy.  Gee whiz.  Maybe I'm into her??  What's wrong with that??  Now if I say "What you got going on tomorrow night??  Want to hangout again?? and she says "You know what, I've got plans with my girlfriends tomorrow night but I tell you what, why don't you give me a call tomorrow and let's chit-chat" and my reaction to that is to take my porcelain plate at the restaurant and then throw it down on the ground smashing it to pieces and then say in a loud and accusatory tone "It's some guy isn't it???  You've got something else going on don't you???  Do you take me for some kind of fool???"  THEN, if I'm a woman I would be VERY concerned!  The natural reaction for a guy if she responds like that should be to think to himself "Well okay, she just wants to take it slow and for us to continue to get to know each other.  She doesn't want to rush into anything".  I would be cool with a response like that, that would tell me that I'm still "In there" so to speak.Everything doesn't require a knee-jerk reaction.  As a society I think we need to be a little more openminded.
 
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jjkline06 is offline jjkline06 Post #7  March 26,2011, 8:50am
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Wow, looks like. men sure have a lot of problems.How about a list of things women should not say on a date?   I've been on lots of dates with goofball women who are dumb & boring.  Did you hear of the man who was having an affair?   What a dirtbag huh?  Who was he having the affair with?  OH, a woman, right.  Did she know he was married?  Was she married? 
 
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Regulator is offline Regulator Post #8  March 26,2011, 11:04am
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I would have to agree with sarahfelldown on this one. I'm in my early thirties and have not had the experience of a long-term relationship.  There are likely quite a few reasons for this, but for the most part, I think I've been focussed on my education and career, and also a little unlucky in the love department.  I've either not met someone I've been sufficiently interested in or I've met someone I've been interested in they weren't.When I read the #1 thing in the article women don't like to hear, my heart sank.  I think this is a gross overgeneralization that, frankly, could scuttle my chances with many women if they really adopted this point of view without digging a little deeper.  As a matter of fact, I think it already has - I've had at least one eHarmony match not return my communications after the email stage when, after being asked, I admitted I had not been in a long-term relationship.I, like, sarahfelldown, have also managed to keep a close network of friends and family members: commitment is not an issue. 
 
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Regulator is offline Regulator Post #9  March 26,2011, 11:04am
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I would have to agree with sarahfelldown on this one. I'm in my early thirties and have not had the experience of a long-term relationship.  There are likely quite a few reasons for this, but for the most part, I think I've been focussed on my education and career, and also a little unlucky in the love department.  I've either not met someone I've been sufficiently interested in or I've met someone I've been interested in they weren't.When I read the #1 thing in the article women don't like to hear, my heart sank.  I think this is a gross overgeneralization that, frankly, could scuttle my chances with many women if they really adopted this point of view without digging a little deeper.  As a matter of fact, I think it already has - I've had at least one eHarmony match not return my communications after the email stage when, after being asked, I admitted I had not been in a long-term relationship.I, like, sarahfelldown, have also managed to keep a close network of friends and family members: commitment is not an issue. 
 
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Mr_Jones is offline Mr_Jones Post #10  March 26,2011, 11:32am
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 So your advice to a man over 30 who hasn't been in a serious or long-term relationship is what?  Lie  or Give up?  
 
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