Women: Are You Too Independent?

Hmmm.. well, just a few reactions here.

1. I dont' know that is predominantly true that men want women who make a lot of money. It certainly has not seemed so with most of the men I've met and talked to.

Don't kid yourself. Men love women who have money.

2. Do men insult each other when we're helping each other out (with comments like "you're doing it all wrong")? Hell yeah we do! lol. But I totally understand how it isn't cool to put somebody down when yo help them. But what I will also say to that is ~ consider that maybe the men aren't intending to put anybody down by saying, "oh... you're not doing that right", perhaps they're trying to be helpful by explaining the way to lift somethign that is safer for the body (or the lower back) etc.

Yes, men do tell each other off, that's what I said. I'm 57, and I had a guy my age ask me at the gas station if I knew how to fill my tires at the proper pressure--as I'm filling the tires. I'm not his 16 year old daughter. He was being helpful? Would he have said that to a 57 year old man? Hell no. He was assuming I was a dumb woman. If I had told him off, he would have considered me a witch. If the guy told him off, well, we'd say he had it coming, right?

And I spent 18 years describing men's jobs at the professional HR level. I can tell you more about how to safely do a job than you could ever imagine. From garbage men to civil engineers. But most men would assume I don't know to pick up a box safely. I'm a dumb woman. It's the assumptions that are a problem.

I understand that a female may take it as we're putting them down and that's fine. It's just another example of how both sides have to learn to understand and respect each other's perspective and that they're different. Men see it as, and intend it as, "this will help you and be safer for oyu in the future", women see it as "putting them down and telling me i dont' know what i'm doing".

As for the rest it's interesting. You talk first about how men shouldn't pigeon-hole women ~ then turn around start pigeon-holing men (the things they need and should do well). Quite interesting.

The article is doing a lot of pigeon holing. The examples I gave are just that, examples. How does a man be a man to woman? The article gives some ideas. Men are made bigger and stronger than us. And taller. But they are not made smarter or wiser than women. That's really all I am saying.

Me? For me it's simple. I don't have pre-conceived rules ~ that's for me and my partner to work out together (maybe she really enjoys carpentry and plumbing and talking to people at the hardware store?) And I don't really care what the rules are, as long is there is 1 set of rules for both people and it's 50/50. That seems to be the part the most people aren't capable of ~ keeping it 50/50 rather than "i will determine and make all the rules".

Richey

This is good advice, but I'm really tired of being told that women are "too independent" and that we are responsible for making men not like us because of that. This is a great myth. ...

Hmm maybe the guys I've hung around have been too self-centered or clueless when I say I've had a light fixture that needs to be replaced, or my car's headlamp burned out.

No offers at all.
Just because someone is male does not mean that they are cognizant of home or auto repair. Or able to fix anything at all. No more than I should assume that since you are female that you would know how to cook. In fact my experience tells me that, at least the women that I met on eHarmony, very few women have any clue as to what a kitchen is for.

Guess they think I'm so independent and competent and all, that I'll figure it out. And usually I do.

I think that we independent women might want to ASK a guy we're interested in to come over and do us that fix-it favor. Then we can reciprocate by making a meal, taking him to a movie, whatever. Could be a good strategy!

* goes to project to-do list and starts checking off possible date-makers *