Women: Are You Too Independent?


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DivorcedDad is offline DivorcedDad Post #11  March 30,2011, 6:41am
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beach_lady54 wrote :
If a man is smart, tough, and hardworking, that's what we want, too. We also want a guy who can help us change a tire, clean the eaves, move furniture, figure out why the light in the bathroom isn't working. We want him to talk to the plumber and mechanic. Clean out the basement, whatever. And if they can't do that, or won't, what good are they?
Beach Lady, I think this portion of your post is very revealing. If you're the strong, tough, smart, independent woman you say you are, you should be more than ready, willing and able to take care of these things -- no problemo. On the other hand, if you still like traditional gender roles and want your man to do these things, then is it that unreasonable for him to want his woman to follow these same traditional gender roles?
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #12  March 30,2011, 6:55am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :

Just because someone is male does not mean that they are cognizant of home or auto repair. Or able to fix anything at all. No more than I should assume that since you are female that you would know how to cook. In fact my experience tells me that, at least the women that I met on eHarmony, very few women have any clue as to what a kitchen is for.

Above.
I don't make that assumption at all. Usually a male friend will say he's replaced his electrical switches or installed a ceiling fan. Then later on I might mention to him that my light switch doesn't work and need to find a contractor.

No offers.

So I either get a book on electrical repair, or if I don't think I can do the job, I find a contractor. Because I can't stay helpless for long.

Note: I have a fully equipped kitchen, a cookbook library and am the designated holiday chef for my family.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #13  March 30,2011, 9:06am
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wrote :
men crave the feeling of being needed and appreciated for what they can do for you. Men need to know they add value to your life and that their presence makes it better
eggggzactly!

wrote :
Historically, men have been the providers, so they like to know they’re still bringing something to the table, even in this day and age. If you already have all your bases covered, that can be intimidating, because what can they possibly offer you?
you know, these points need to be incorporated into a "who pays" article. they are most definitely related!

i WANT a man like this. i know i can take care of myself just fine, but, as corny as this might sound to some people, i love the fact that i am a woman and i want to experience my femininity in the context of a relationship with a man. i want that to be the prevailing dynamic between me and a lifelong partner. does that mean i want to take advantage of him or exploit his kindness? no! does it mean that i cant take care of myself? no! if i want to maintain this specific dynamic between myself and a man i need to be somewhat dependent on him.

when i start out dating someone, when i want them to pay this is what i am essentially asking them: "is this the dynamic that you also want?" if he balks too soon at paying "all of the time" then i have my answer. and this is just one *answer* that i get from that. it could also be just that he doesnt want it with *me*. thats fine too!

i bookmarked this article i like it that much. i wish we knew who wrote it
 
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LoveComes1st is offline LoveComes1st Post #14  March 30,2011, 9:35am
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No I don't think I'm too independent. But yes some types of men might think so but they're probably not right for me anyway.

I'm an only child and my cool Dad taught me things things that he would have shown a son. So for example I can drive farm equipment, do outside chores, change the oil in my car, change flats and maintain my home to some degree. He always told me he wants to make sure I can take care of myself and I'm grateful to know these things. Plus he thought it would make me a more confident person which it has. And I still have most of the stereotypical feminine skills thanks to my mom and her influences so I'm balanced.

I admit I don't flaunt this in my profile nor do I hint at it, but I don't hide it if it comes up either. For example I was the one to change the tire when it went flat once when on a road trip because my guy didn't know how to. But he was stronger than me so he totally helped me lift the tire up and tighten the lug nuts. It was a team effort. I think he was proud that I knew how to do it not to mention grateful since we were in a very remote location where road service would have taken hours.

Even though it's not in my profile perhaps the men who contact me on online dating sites sense this about me by my listed hobbies/activities and related pics because invariably they all just about have a line in theirs talking about wanting an independent woman who has a life of her own, etc. And I've always suspected this is why engineers tend to reach out to me as well?
Last edited by LoveComes1st; March 30,2011 at 9:42am. Reason: typos
 
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truth32 is offline truth32 Post #15  March 30,2011, 4:20pm
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I can see the point of the article... I think. I'm pretty independent myself... and I noticed in one of my recent relationships that many times when he offered to do something for me (Get me something to drink, vacuum the sand out of my car, etc.) I would decline and say "it's cool, I can do it!"
I realized later that I should've accepted the kind gestures; even though in my response I thought I was being friendly and didn't really think about it at the time.
I can do these things on my own, but that doesn't mean I have to, if he wants to-out of kindness toward me.
 
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Odira is offline Odira Post #16  March 30,2011, 5:27pm
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Shelby wrote :
I don't make that assumption at all. Usually a male friend will say he's replaced his electrical switches or installed a ceiling fan. Then later on I might mention to him that my light switch doesn't work and need to find a contractor.

No offers.
It is possible he was bragging about his technical skill to impress you, even if he actually *didn't* do any of those things . . . or he miswired his electrical switches and set his house on fire!

I guess the point of his article is - women should *be* independent while not acting independent.
 
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Odira is offline Odira Post #17  March 30,2011, 5:32pm
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truth32 wrote :
I can see the point of the article... I think. I'm pretty independent myself... and I noticed in one of my recent relationships that many times when he offered to do something for me (Get me something to drink, vacuum the sand out of my car, etc.) I would decline and say "it's cool, I can do it!"
I realized later that I should've accepted the kind gestures; even though in my response I thought I was being friendly and didn't really think about it at the time.
I can do these things on my own, but that doesn't mean I have to, if he wants to-out of kindness toward me.
I've been guilty of this myself. But I have to confess to being something of a control freak, and not wanting to relinquish control over things like the household repairs to anyone else. Another black mark on my already tarnished resume for relationship success.
 
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