Exclusive with online profile


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #1  March 16,2011, 4:48am
lizzy1999's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Feb 2011

Posts: 319

See profile

I want to ask my current guy that I am exclusive with, whether we can/should take down our OkC profiles. He said he had been exclusive for a while - as for me, it's been shorter than that.

His last login was before I told him I was exclusive too. But would it be okay to ask him about this or just let him do it eventually on his own? Not sure how to go about this. I was going to email him about it (we email each other every day) but maybe it's better for a in-person convo? Appreciate any advice!
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  March 16,2011, 5:17am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

Never e-mail about things like that, always talk in person. E-mails can leave too much room to misinterpret what's being said while face to face, you have a chance to actually explain and discuss things.
 
  Reply With Quote
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #3  March 16,2011, 5:39am
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

lizzy1999 wrote :
I want to ask my current guy that I am exclusive with, whether we can/should take down our OkC profiles. He said he had been exclusive for a while - as for me, it's been shorter than that.

His last login was before I told him I was exclusive too. But would it be okay to ask him about this or just let him do it eventually on his own? Not sure how to go about this. I was going to email him about it (we email each other every day) but maybe it's better for a in-person convo? Appreciate any advice!
It is ok to discuss IN PERSON about the both of you taking down the profiles if you are in a relationship. But, the question I have is once it has been discussed, who is going to close their profiles first? Also, do you think you will be able to trust him that he has no open profile should he agree to close it? Can he trust you and feel secure that you will not only close your profile, but also not go behind his back and use a friend's PC and profile to check and see if he did honor his word on closing his profile?

Lastly, is your relationship a LDR? Just wondering why the both of you are still emailing each other, if the both of you claim to be "exclusive"?

B.Y.
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #4  March 16,2011, 5:43am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,423

See profile

lizzy1999 wrote :
I want to ask my current guy that I am exclusive with,
the current guy...you're exclusive with??

as DF said you should do that in person.
 
  Reply With Quote
lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #5  March 16,2011, 5:59am
lizzy1999's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Feb 2011

Posts: 319

See profile

Okay, yeah, I see that it would be better to do in person. I called him "current guy I am exclusive with" because I wasn't sure if "boyfriend" works.

Yeah, I had been thinking (alternatively) that I would ask this in person and then we would close them out together at that moment - so we wouldn't wonder or anagonize whether the other person really did or not. I would like to think we would trust each other on this if we didn't close our profiles out in front of each other.

No, it's not a LDR. We got in the habit of emailing every day - usually chat on days we don't see each other.

So it's not too soon or too clingy for me to ask him about closing out profiles, right?
 
  Reply With Quote
TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #6  March 16,2011, 6:15am
TheThinker's Avatar

Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

Power Poster

Joined: Aug 2009

The Island of Rhode

Posts: 6,423

See profile

lizzy1999 wrote :
Okay, yeah, I see that it would be better to do in person. I called him "current guy I am exclusive with" because I wasn't sure if "boyfriend" works.
Boyfriend works.
I think "guy I'm exclusive with" works also...whenever I see the word current, to me it implies short term, not something I'd associate with exclusivity..(but then again..)

wrote :
So it's not too soon or too clingy for me to ask him about closing out profiles, right?
how confident do you feel with the answer you want to hear from him?
 
  Reply With Quote
nick222 is offline nick222 Post #7  March 16,2011, 6:20am
nick222's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2011

Posts: 1,930

See profile

TheThinker wrote :
the current guy...you're exclusive with??
Would you expect her to ask her past or future guy?
 
  Reply With Quote
lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #8  March 16,2011, 6:52am
lizzy1999's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Feb 2011

Posts: 319

See profile

TheThinker wrote :
Boyfriend works.
I think "guy I'm exclusive with" works also...whenever I see the word current, to me it implies short term, not something I'd associate with exclusivity..(but then again..)



how confident do you feel with the answer you want to hear from him?
Lol, good point about the use of "current". In any case, guy I am exclusively seeing!

Well, I am only asking this question to him because I define exclusive as not browsing online dating sites. As I just logged in to look at his profile, I feel like it is time to talk about it. I am pretty confident he would say yes let's disable our accounts or something like that. I mean, one of the questions on OkC is would it be okay for your significant other had an active OkC profile? And he had answered no, as had I. So I figure it's time to ask.

Just an awkward question, you know?
 
  Reply With Quote
paintandbooks is offline paintandbooks Post #9  March 16,2011, 7:08am
paintandbooks's Avatar

likes things funny side up

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2009

IRL

Posts: 1,729

See profile

TheThinker wrote :



how confident do you feel with the answer you want to hear from him?
I would ask, in person, now. Whether you are confident of the answer or not. Because I would want to know the answer, if I am being exclusive, whether the guy is one of those just-can't-stop-shopping types, or has the no-harm-in-looking/chatting/whatever mindsets, so I could extricate myself sooner rather than later if that was the case.

That said, I wish I had your dilemma! Absolutely nothing is sooooo happening for me right now...

Good luck and my very best wishes, OP!
 
  Reply With Quote
richey is offline richey Post #10  March 16,2011, 7:29am
richey's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

san francisco, ca

Posts: 2,764

See profile

I guess I"M against the grain on this one. I don't see the purpose or positive that can come of this type of conversation or request. If anything, to me, it seems insecure and a bit possessive and controliing. (I'm not saying you ARE these things.. I'm just saying the only way it can come off to me are those things...)

I've always also believed that you can tell a lot by what the person does on their own, without being asked to, when they aren't being "monitored" (which, when you ask them "hey.. shoudl we, let's, take down both our profiles.. what do you say?" does do...)

I say if you want to take down your profile, then just do it. And let your partner do it on their own accord as well. I mean if you want to talk about trust, acting like you know it's the one, being secure in the relationship itself ~ having such a discussion or making such a request is not the actions of somebody who does trust and is secure in the relationship.

Just my .02.

Richey
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« First E-mail Compare and Contrast | Dating | Getting Over What's-His-Face: 8 Ways to Move On »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
found an ex-bf's online profile - interesting lies... scully98 Dating 46 January 21,2012 10:26am
He is checking his online profile, red flag? blue76 "Red Flag" Central 11 December 23,2011 4:44pm
LET'S KEEP ON TRACK!: How I tell my Match Is Live & Profile Is Working + any suggestions on how to improve communication? eck82 Using eHarmony 12 March 11,2011 4:17pm
Help with my online dating profile Atlguy38 Using eHarmony 13 April 6,2010 9:11am
eHarmony Profile Workshop Threads (Links listed here) neardc Using eHarmony 4 October 27,2009 7:02pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I did answer and then also updated with news that I was premature - there is no relationship after all.” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Blast off...!” discussion

“For dating. I'm basically in a (lifelong) rut that I would like to get out of. Sadly, my good friends are also in the same place as I am - if not worse. The topic of women is non existent among ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“The point is no me seeing their photos, I can see their photos; it is them seeing my photos. This means nothing can be gauged by any interest they show to you. On FCW I've noticed the non-paying ... ” –  JohnNorthSydney

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“TD, Have you PM'd eH_Advice_Host_Eve to ask her for help? She is good at helping people tweak their settings so they are more likely to get the results they want. Please consider contacting her if ... ” –  tink333

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Did you know OT stands for on topic and off topic?” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Off -Topic” discussion

“My inner child says I am. Anastasia is intriguing. (Her name too). I like the dress she's wearing in the ad. I wonder how eHarmony picks the couples for their print and TV ads.” –  Bluskies4ever3

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:23am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0