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savman is offline savman Post #51  April 4,2011, 1:12pm
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I am not sure how old you are, but if your parents want a doctor/lawyer type, then I guess you are certainly not a teenager anymore.

Maybe a long talk with your parents is in order. I guess I was lucky that my parents raised me to make my own decisions, so I never had to put with with junk like this. Maybe you telling them that daily badgering about your relationship choices is not really acceptable to you, might help things out.

You could give them one last chance to tell you everything they feel is important on this issue, and that you will listen intently and think about what they have to say. But, the daily badgering is causing you a lot of anxiety which is not healthy.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #52  April 4,2011, 3:57pm
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lizzy ok.. typical asian parents stuff. ok.. so...

yeah.. remember the story i told you where it took me 32 yrs to stand up to them and say "enough!"???? I hope it doesn't take you 32 yrs lol. but yes, it will basically be some line you draw where you say "enough" to them. And that you have the right to make your own decisions and be the person you want to be, and that you will go out and experience this world and do what with your life as YOU SO CHOOSE. not how THEY choose.

They are absolutely free to do whatever they want or feel is right with their life, BUT SO DO YOU. SO

If you want their opnion and help on something... you will go and ask them but until you do, you will not be listening to any of their advice going forward and any unsolicited attempts to tell you what to do will be ignored.

What's more.. the more they insist and try to tell you what to do, the less you will involve them in your life as you HAVE A RIGHT TO DO THAT WICH YOU CHOOSE TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE ~ whether you make mistakes or not YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOUR WAY.

So they can either be supportive and encouraging and let you explore and live this world your way, or they can step aside and not be a part of your life any longer.

(this is the most important part)... You've been patient and undrestanding of them, but they have LEFT YOU NO ALTERNATIVE but to ask them to be supportive, or get out of the way.

I KNOW.. IT SOUJNDS HORRIFYING DOESN'T IT????????
But it's the only way. AND.. you MUST stand up and enforce your "threats" if they cross the line. Because if you say you're going to do something, then don't do it when they don't listen to you ~ they'll never listen to you or take you serious.

WEll.. it's time to show them you are SERIOUS... and they better start taking YOU serious.

At 32 it worked for me. Things have been much better between my folks and me since. They still regress (their asian.. they can't help it), but then they also recognize my reaction to them of shutting them back out when they insist on regressing. So they don't regress very long anymore. They realize... nowadays they have no choice. If they want their son, the need to behave.

Richey
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #53  April 4,2011, 5:40pm
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I am a wee bit confused about this whole situation.

Being exclusive is a conscious mutual decision. IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENS!!! Being exclusive comes with rules as to what you and your partner are going to do. One of those rules is usually that you are not going to be putting yourselves in a position for dating others. Maintaining a presence on a dating site IS putting yourself out there for dating others.

Not dating others is NOT the same as being exclusive.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #54  April 4,2011, 5:46pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Being exclusive comes with rules as to what you and your partner are going to do. One of those rules is usually that you are not going to be putting yourselves in a position for dating others. Maintaining a presence on a dating site IS putting yourself out there for dating others.
Very true. But, what I think happens a lot is that people try to do the "backward slide" out of relationships, rather than risk a confrontation. They think: It will hurt her to break up with her, so I will just make it so she will break up with me. Taking the cowards way out, and showing a great lack of respect for both the person and the relationship.

I am not saying that is what is happening here with the OP, I am just addressing Gr8Guy's post.
 
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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #55  April 4,2011, 5:54pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I am a wee bit confused about this whole situation.

Being exclusive is a conscious mutual decision. IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENS!!! Being exclusive comes with rules as to what you and your partner are going to do. One of those rules is usually that you are not going to be putting yourselves in a position for dating others. Maintaining a presence on a dating site IS putting yourself out there for dating others.

Not dating others is NOT the same as being exclusive.
No confusion - I agree with you. That is why I had the conversation with my guy eventually - I had been avoiding the issue until now. It seems like there is a lot of confusion about online profiles - whether it's taking them down right away, whether it matters because they never log in anyway, etc.
 
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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #56  April 4,2011, 5:59pm
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Thanks savman and richey. Not to take this away from the post's main point but yeah, I have to figure out how to deal with my parents and how they increase my anxiety. It is my life and I do love my parents - so it's not an easy place to be.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #57  April 4,2011, 6:29pm
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y awell.. to that side of this equation that's why i say...

have a very clear idea what you're trying to get out of this and why... and if what you're doing is achieving what you want before doing something And lastly, be sure you are READY to hear the response and act upon it.

These things can cause more damage then they're worth sometimes.

Richey
 
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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #58  April 4,2011, 6:34pm
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richey wrote :
y awell.. to that side of this equation that's why i say...

have a very clear idea what you're trying to get out of this and why... and if what you're doing is achieving what you want before doing something And lastly, be sure you are READY to hear the response and act upon it.

These things can cause more damage then they're worth sometimes.

Richey
Sorry - are you talking about asking him about his online profile? Lol, two topics of conversation in this thread. But yeah, definitely not worth the angst I was putting myself through.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #59  April 5,2011, 9:01am
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yeah.. i was referring to that.

Do you have a clear idea what you're trying to get out of asking him and why?

In whatever you are trying to achieve relating to his onlin profile, is asking him about it the way to achieve the result you want? (to be able to answer this you must be very objective)

Are you sure you are READY to hear his answer if you do bring up why his profile is still online and act accordingly? (meaning.. go through the exercise of him and all the answers he can give ~ are you prepared for each of them and is there anything you can actually do or act accordingly to each of his possible answers?)

I"m just not sure, Lizzy, that this is a battle you want to choose as long as the relationship is going well, and as long as he's given you no evidence that there is anything to worry about.

It introduces some negative (that may or may not be founded, you don't know that yet), and those negatives aren't things that once introuced into a relationship, disappear anytime soon. We're talking monitoring, suspicion, looking over a partner's shoulder, the introduction of possible mistrust between you two, etc.

Not things very conducive to healthy relationships.

So.. make sure and I mean REALLY make sure, stepping into this area is something the you truly need to do to get whatever it is you want to get out of it. And that it will get you to where you want.

(too many peopel just go there to "see what happens" and have no plan or clue what they want to do beyond jumpin in... and it comes out disastrous)...

Richey
 
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