Stoic, aloof and generally hard to read


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cellophane is offline cellophane Post #1  March 11,2011, 8:54am
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I have been told on numerous occasions by a variety of people, some of whom know me very well, that I am difficult to get a read on emotionally - on top of being a bit introverted and generally obtuse when it comes to flirty things. I've recently ventured back into the dating world after a hiatus and I'm afraid it might be biting me in the rear a bit. I went out with someone last week and had a good time but I'm a little worried that my general demeanor and / or my being slow on the uptake in regards to flirtations may make her feel like I'm not interested when I actually am. We are going out again this weekend, so I managed to not be a complete screw up - but I'm not quite sure how to approach things to let her know that I am, indeed interested, and not just there in body only. Is being frank and just stating the fact that I am a little slow on the uptake and am indeed interested a good way to go?
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #2  March 11,2011, 8:58am
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Tell her? It is always best when words and actions meet up but if your actions don't convey your interest try using your words.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  March 11,2011, 9:23am
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This is a label you are dragging around with you.... why?.......

Being "frank" is not ....describing others' labels and impressions of you as a defense for the dating awkwardness anyone has... Mentioning this as a disclaimer sounds like an excuse for ineptitude which is an ineptitude in itself.

Be who you are.......use common sense.......if you are interested , you don't have to feign it ...you'll feel it and she'll sense it.........forget the outside labels , flirty extroverts with a quick line don't have all the luck...it's a myth...........Good Luck

cellophane wrote :
I have been told on numerous occasions by a variety of people, some of whom know me very well, that I am difficult to get a read on emotionally - on top of being a bit introverted and generally obtuse when it comes to flirty things.

I've recently ventured back into the dating

Is being frank and just stating the fact that I am a little slow on the uptake and am indeed interested a good way to go?
 
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richey is offline richey Post #4  March 11,2011, 9:49am
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Believe it or not body language communicates more than verbal language.

What i want you to do is to go into this next date with NO CLOUDS HANGING OVER YOU! This means not worrying about hwo your'e coming off.. not worrying about what "strategies" you need to employ or execute by date #2 to have your desired cause/effect relationship achieved, etc.

Go and HAVE FUN. Be in the moment. soak it in. and enjoy yourself with nothing but the moment in your head.

It's all these other millions of analytical thoughts flying through our heads that screw up a date ~ not the mis-exucution of "procedure - show interest" routine.

if you can stay in the moment.. she'l sense it, feel it. If you're having a great time and she is too, you'll both sense it and feel it. Then just go with it.

Richey
 
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richey is offline richey Post #5  March 11,2011, 9:50am
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Believe it or not body language communicates more than verbal language.

What i want you to do is to go into this next date with NO CLOUDS HANGING OVER YOU! This means not worrying about hwo your'e coming off.. not worrying about what "strategies" you need to employ or execute by date #2 to have your desired cause/effect relationship achieved, etc.

Go and HAVE FUN. Be in the moment. soak it in. and enjoy yourself with nothing but the moment in your head.

It's all these other millions of analytical thoughts flying through our heads that screw up a date ~ not the mis-exucution of "procedure - show interest" routine.

if you can stay in the moment.. she'l sense it, feel it. If you're having a great time and she is too, you'll both sense it and feel it. Then just go with it.

Richey
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  March 11,2011, 10:54am
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You should talk to your friends who have seen how you behave and could give you some pointers on things to do or not to do.
 
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cellophane is offline cellophane Post #7  March 11,2011, 12:46pm
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Thanks for the feedback. Definitely some food for thought.

Richey - thanks for the encouragement.

Wiseman - I am that way with pretty much everyone, whether I'm dating or in a business meeting, even with people I've known for years. Maybe I am inept at that part of the world. /shrug
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  March 18,2011, 9:02am
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cellophane wrote :
I have been told on numerous occasions by a variety of people, some of whom know me very well, that I am difficult to get a read on emotionally - on top of being a bit introverted and generally obtuse when it comes to flirty things. I've recently ventured back into the dating world after a hiatus and I'm afraid it might be biting me in the rear a bit. I went out with someone last week and had a good time but I'm a little worried that my general demeanor and / or my being slow on the uptake in regards to flirtations may make her feel like I'm not interested when I actually am. We are going out again this weekend, so I managed to not be a complete screw up - but I'm not quite sure how to approach things to let her know that I am, indeed interested, and not just there in body only. Is being frank and just stating the fact that I am a little slow on the uptake and am indeed interested a good way to go?
how did your date go?

the only suggestion that i would make is that if she is joke-y and flirty, flirt back!

you can state it, but its not as fun that way. how she would perceive it is a matter of what her personality is. i get a little frustrated when i try to flirt with someone and they seem clueless. i tend to give up and thats exactly how i feel if i dont get any kind of reaction: that they just arent interested.
 
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cellophane is offline cellophane Post #9  March 22,2011, 5:54am
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Nanette wrote :
how did your date go?

the only suggestion that i would make is that if she is joke-y and flirty, flirt back!

you can state it, but its not as fun that way. how she would perceive it is a matter of what her personality is. i get a little frustrated when i try to flirt with someone and they seem clueless. i tend to give up and thats exactly how i feel if i dont get any kind of reaction: that they just arent interested.
it didn't

She said she wasn't feeling well and would need a raincheck. I said no problem and to give me a call later in the week to reschedule. ...still waiting.

I am admittedly stupid when it comes to flirting & picking up on signals. It's not that I haven't read a million articles on what the signs are - I just don't realize it until its way too late... Although I've been told I'm a savant after a few drinks - but I'm always hesitant to drink that much with someone I don't really know.

There's always next time eh?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #10  March 22,2011, 6:17am
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sorry :/

yes, there is always next time, and the more you go out with people the better you will be at picking up on it hopefully.

i think you are wise to not rely on alcohol.
 
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