First Date: I know so much about you! vs... NOT?


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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #1  March 6,2011, 8:50am
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Howdy Everyone ~

So in the past few months I've been on 6 first dates. For the most part, the e-mail conversation beforehand has ranged from terse (OC: "Are you busy tuesday") to light and fun, a simple get to know you. There was one that ran a little deeper but that's it.

So I'm talking with two women now. Both of whom are similar in that the email conversations have been very deep. These conversations are fluid, I can make a simple comment and she'll run with it, and I can run with one of her comments. I'm trying to get to the date as soon as possible.

But I'm wondering how these first dates will be different than the others. There are a couple of dynamics here. First, how much do we know about each other? In these cases, quite a bit. Usually, not so much.

Second, in previous dates, one of the things I wanted to know is, does she get me? Do we have similar thought processes? In this case... it's very eerie how one of them thinks like I do. With the other it's not as clear, but it's a strong possibility.

What have your first date experiences been, with people you don't know versus people you get to know in e-mail?

And I'm well aware that it's in my best interest to get to a date quickly to see if there's chemistry. I'm working on it!

Cheers,
-Sp
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  March 6,2011, 9:01am
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Contrary to popular belief you get to know someone over time, a lot of time. And most of this time needs to be spent in person. Getting to know someone is not something that is all verbal exchanges, the eyes play a big part as does, eavesdropping if you will, listening to the other person interact with others.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  March 6,2011, 9:06am
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Sparkles56 wrote :
What have your first date experiences been, with people you don't know versus people you get to know in e-mail?

And I'm well aware that it's in my best interest to get to a date quickly to see if there's chemistry. I'm working on it!

Cheers,
-Sp
I've exchanged what I thought were very interesting emails(in EH email)with matches where I thought it would be great to meet them, so optimistic going in... and when I did...I was genuinely surprised at how they were way too introverted, too reserved for me. They simply could not keep a conversation going.
It was like talking to a park bench.
And then...I've gotten to OC quickly with a few matches, who kept it short, to the point, and when we met, I found out they were way better in person than perhaps their emails, or their writing skills, would lead you to believe.

All of this just reinforces what I now know..you don't know what they're like, until you meet.
 
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peacefulharp is offline peacefulharp Post #4  March 6,2011, 9:24am
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I agree with the other posters, but...

I did have one experience that was an exception to the norm, if you will. We started exchanging very thoughtful e-mails after 'meeting' online. We did meet in person relatively quickly but continued our introspective e-mail exchanges as well.

Sometimes it is easier for me to express thoughts in writing (more time to carefully consider everything, craft a thoughtful response, etc.) and he was the same way, I think. So we learned a lot about one another through the ongoing e-mail exchanges.

While it didn't work out, this person was the closest I have come to having a great relationship come out of online dating. So anything is possible, Sparkles.

Proceed with optimism!
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  March 6,2011, 10:09am
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It's a matter of preference on the boards........ many prefer meet before connect. The other camp is connect a bit then meet.
Cold call coffee see-if-there's-chemistry meets aren't my preference. Shooting off a couple of ideas / emails is no big deal...even if they turn out like Godzilla.........just as easy to exit politely.
 
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beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #6  March 6,2011, 12:06pm
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IMO it is better to get to know someone in person. You can learn so much more about someone that way. You find out, not only what they say, but how they say it. You can see their mannerisms and such which can tell you more than just an email can. Two scenarios:

Woman A (via email)- I really enjoy cooking.

Woman B (in person) - I really enjoy cooking. (you see her eyes light up and her hand motions)

Huge difference. You get to know information as well as personality with in person meetings.
 
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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #7  March 6,2011, 12:31pm
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beccaf87 wrote :
Huge difference. You get to know information as well as personality with in person meetings.
Oh, trust me, I'd also rather to get to know someone in person.

But if we're writing books to each other before she has time (or inclination) to meet I'm certainly not going to say, "Well, you're cool and all but it's not going to work if we can't meet on Tuesday."

At least not at the stage we are currently in. If she's still dragging her feet in a week, then I will revisit the situation.

Of course, with this thread I'm disobeying my #1 first date rule, which is: "Don't expect to see what you expect to see. Expect nothing and you may gain everything." I'm building expectations here and I should stop.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #8  March 6,2011, 12:36pm
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emails to get to know someone is a complete waste of time.

often the perpetual emailer is someone who is stalling meeting because they have either other dates or a partner and you are being kept on hold/in reserve.

I expended loads of effort emailing Karen last year for a month only to discover during the process she had met plenty of other men. He last email was to tell me she had decided she was closing her account because she was "enjoying" being single. you have been warned!
Last edited by SteveManchesterEngland; March 6,2011 at 12:40pm.
 
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beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #9  March 6,2011, 12:40pm
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Sparkles56 wrote :
Oh, trust me, I'd also rather to get to know someone in person.

But if we're writing books to each other before she has time (or inclination) to meet I'm certainly not going to say, "Well, you're cool and all but it's not going to work if we can't meet on Tuesday."

At least not at the stage we are currently in. If she's still dragging her feet in a week, then I will revisit the situation.

Of course, with this thread I'm disobeying my #1 first date rule, which is: "Don't expect to see what you expect to see. Expect nothing and you may gain everything." I'm building expectations here and I should stop.
True, but I have talked to several people for extended periods and then they never want to meet. Or I we finally meet, I have a blast, and then never hear from them again. Rawr.

But maybe women are just more cautious to meet in person, so it can still turn out well.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #10  March 6,2011, 12:54pm
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Probably the most fascinating thing I have learned from eH is that you can't judge a cover by its book.

The first match I met, sent me long, hilarious, engaging emails. I would race home to see them and respond when we were in the OC stage. When we met, there was very little chemistry. But I was of the mind set to give it some time see if things progrssed chemistry wise. Even after meeting, we exchanged interesting and fun emails on the days we didn't see each other. The chemistry I thought did gradually grow. But he ended it because he felt I didn't feel enough chemistry for him

The 2nd guy I met on eH, whom I am still seeing, sent emails that never exceeded 3 sentences. I thought back then that there was no hope with this match as he was just not communicative enough. But when we are together in person, we can't stop talking, he is full of interesting ideas and comments.

So, go figure, I'm at a loss as to why some people differ so much in person vs in writing.

All in all, I do prefer to get to know someone a little via written word of a phone call or two, just to establish that conversation will flow when we do meet.
 
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