First Date: I know so much about you! vs... NOT?


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karajoyfull is offline karajoyfull Post #11  March 6,2011, 1:03pm
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Sparkles56 wrote :

But I'm wondering how these first dates will be different than the others. There are a couple of dynamics here. First, how much do we know about each other? In these cases, quite a bit. Usually, not so much.

Second, in previous dates, one of the things I wanted to know is, does she get me? Do we have similar thought processes? In this case... it's very eerie how one of them thinks like I do. With the other it's not as clear, but it's a strong possibility.

What have your first date experiences been, with people you don't know versus people you get to know in e-mail?
For me, there has been very little correlation between how well I've gotten to know someone through email and how well that first date has gone. My two best first meets have been polar opposites in terms of the communication ahead of time. One I felt like I knew really well, and the other I met without any email chatter. Both lasted a couple of hours with an effortless flow of conversation. My two worst first meets were also polar opposites - had great "e-chemistry" with one and exchanged long emails for about a week; the other I met right away. Conversation was strained with both of them and I was watching the clock after about 30 minutes.

So, I think it's more about how your "live" personalities connect / chemistry, which you just won't know until you have these ladies sitting in front of you! With two good prospects, I think the odds are in your favor Good luck!
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #12  March 6,2011, 4:26pm
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Sparkles, if she has time to write you "books" in an email, she has time to grab a quick coffee/drink/lunch. Pin her down on this, soon. So many people (not just people you are trying to date) are flakes and impossible to pin down to anything.

No matter how much you "get to know" someone via email/phone/text/Facebook, remember that you don't actually "know" them. You might know lots of details about their current life and job and things like that, but you don't know: Who was her best friend in Jr. High? What was the name of her cranky neighbor when she was a kid? What song did she and her friends perform a lipsync to? Things like that take time to "know". Yeah, they're not important things, but they're still little things that make each person who they are today.
 
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stayorgo is offline stayorgo Post #13  March 6,2011, 8:49pm
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I'm going to go in a little bit of a different direction. I just mentioned this in another post... but I favor getting to know someone a little before hand... I'm not talking endless weeks of email, but I am generally hesitant for the OC first email being "coffee this week??"

I like this because I can weed out potential issues first, without wasting time on meeting. I am very busy and while I have moments during my day where I can write an email (think 6 am....1130pm) - I don't always have time at a reasonable hour to have a date, to prep for a date (I'm a female...it takes time if I actually like the guy), drive there, spend the time and drive home.. just to have it wasted because we were gonna be incompatible in the first place if I had spent a little more time getting to know him.

In addition, unlike some of the other opinions of "they were great in email but not in person so it was pointless" if someone is slightly lacking in person but I know from their emails that they can be incredibly funny and engaging, I will give them additional chances to prove that if the first date isn't the best. I can think of one really great example of this right now from last year. Guy was amazing, but took time to warm up, and if it hadn't been for email exchanges first I might have just bolted.

I think it all depends really.. I don't disagree with the other advice, but I personally just have found more success in getting to know someone enough first before meeting. I've also found it cuts down on the awkwardness of the first date too.
Last edited by stayorgo; March 6,2011 at 8:57pm. Reason: brain not functioning on all cylinders
 
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annother is offline annother Post #14  March 6,2011, 9:10pm
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LDJ wrote :
Probably the most fascinating thing I have learned from eH is that you can't judge a cover by its book.
.
This is brilliant! Can I quote you?
 
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