Interested sounding or desperate sounding?


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KateeBar is offline KateeBar Post #1  March 6,2011, 3:09am
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So...

Been on eH for about a month and finally found one person that seemed really interesting with lots in common. Ripped through the GC very quickly. Talked on the phone for two hours Monday night and decided to meet for drinks Tuesday night. Three hours there and we had a great time, texts exchanged to that end. Wednesday he asks me out for dinner; he's got plans all weekend but wanted to see me again...blah blah. We go out, another good date.

After that, a couple texts but no further plans made. No contact all weekend. Sunday night I text, ask how the weekend went. He calls back, apologizes for being so out of touch, we chat. References to a restaurant we should try, close with him "let's catch up later in the week."

Now it's a week later and nothing from him. I really like him, but I'm also talking to some others and working on that whole multi dating thing. So, do I send a text or something to guy 1 to just say "I know you're busy, I am still interested in going out if you are, let me know when things quiet down...". Or do I just let it go until/unless he contacts me?

It's been AGES since I've dated and this is my first online attempt. Friends all seem to have these rules for who calls whom, how often, when, etc. But frankly none of them are dating, so their advice could just be old-fashioned!

I feel so old and rusty.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  March 6,2011, 3:34am
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It sounds like you are both multi-dating and he was out over the weekend, but still has interest in you. Continue to date others, but whatever you do........ don't send this quasi-ultimatum sounding message:"I know you're busy, I am still interested in going out if you are, let me know when things quiet down".....Just continue to date others, he doesn't need to hear that "you know he's busy"
KateeBar wrote :
No contact all weekend. Sunday night I text, ask how the weekend went. He calls back, apologizes for being so out of touch, we chat. References to a restaurant we should try, close with him "let's catch up later in the week."

I'm also talking to some others and working on that whole multi dating thing. "I know you're busy, I am still interested in going out if you are, let me know when things quiet down...".
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  March 6,2011, 3:43am
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First ...I'm sorry, but guys don't go a week without contact if they are interested in you.

Secondly, I'd at least be toying with the idea that this guy is married ...the tell-tale sign being that he's blocking off entire weekends, this is a huge red flag for married guys.
 
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KateeBar is offline KateeBar Post #4  March 6,2011, 3:46am
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Oh yeah, I definitely don't want to sound like an ultimatum. I guess it's more of - if I'm sitting over here wondering if he's still interested, what if he's doing the same thing, and we are each waiting on the other? So, I was just wondering if there's a way to say I would like to see him again, without making it feel pressured or desperate.

Sigh. It all gets so complicated. I know typically a lot of women wait on or expect the man to do the asking out (at least in my small world), which I'd imagine could be frustrating. Yet I'm not sure I'm actually brave enough to just say "hey, want to meet for drinks again?"
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #5  March 6,2011, 4:22am
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wrote :
Sigh. It all gets so complicated. I know typically a lot of women wait on or expect the man to do the asking out (at least in my small world)
It's only complicated because you're making so..
many women ruin relationships by playing hard to get for no apparent reason - if you like someone. 'playing hard to get' is killing the relationship at the first rung and all momentum is lost then and there. Only those guys who like the chase will stay longer.

KateeBar wrote :
I guess it's more of - if I'm sitting over here wondering if he's still interested, what if he's doing the same thing, and we are each waiting on the other?
I doubt he is sitting by the phone. If anything he is giving the other matches who aren't sitting on the bench, waiting for the coach to put them in the game.

Personally for me, if a woman by the 3rd date isn't initiating contact and or making an effort to see me again.. further down the totem pole she goes.. (and FWIW.. I'm not a multi-dater)
wrote :
So, I was just wondering if there's a way to say I would like to see him again, without making it feel pressured or desperate.
Exactly what you said below

wrote :
"hey, want to meet for drinks again?"
Last edited by TrekRyder10; March 6,2011 at 6:26am.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #6  March 6,2011, 5:41am
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"lets catch up later in the week" = casual.
No contact for a week = casual
This is how you interact with acquaintances , not someone you're very interested in. Pick up the phone and call..........someone else who is interested.......Good Luck
KateeBar wrote :
No contact all weekend. Sunday night I text, ask how the weekend went. He calls back, apologizes for being so out of touch, we chat. References to a restaurant we should try, close with him "let's catch up later in the week."Now it's a week later and nothing from him.
You could try this:
KateeBar wrote :
"hey, want to meet for drinks again?"
But know that he is out with other weekend priorities, and as Beagle mentioned, could be a wife or girlfriend.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #7  March 6,2011, 6:21am
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Don't agree with the above, but then they're guys and I'm not. Just based on my expereince with eH, this is rather common.

First, his weekend might have been blocked up many weeks ago long before he ever heard of you. Second, he did apologize for being out of touch, which I think is a good sign.

You have just met, he owes you nothing as far as accountability goes.

In the online world, everyone has many options, I have found you have to be a bit more of a go getter than you probably comfortable being.

I would send a text and say "lets meet at the xyz restaurant you mentioned, I am free on this date and that date, what works for you?"
 
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Mnetokwe is offline Mnetokwe Post #8  March 6,2011, 6:32am
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I agree with LDJ. There can be a million reasons someone's weekend could be unavailable. I plan things weeks in advance and if I just met someone would not cancel just for them.

He could have been helping a friend move. He could have had to go to some family function which it would not make sense to take such a new girl to.

Just send a couple more text, or call and ask him to drinks. If he's interested he'll go if not he wont and you will have your answers.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  March 6,2011, 7:07am
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With reference to your title, there is nothing in your posts that would make him sound at all desperate. There are a few things that make him sound not all that interested and certainly non-committal.

Since you are new to the dating scene I will give you a few "rules" (like I know what I am doing, I have given up on dating altogether).

1) Be proactive - contact guys that you are interested in meeting.

2) Be active in the dating process. If you begin dating someone YOU can help plan dates, YOU can ask the guy out.

3) If a guy asks you out and you are not able to make that date / time or don't care for the activity suggested then offer and alternative AT THAT TIME.

4) If you are not interested in someone, say so.

5) Be positive in your approach. With reference to the message that you suggested in your OP that is not a strong positive approach. A much better message would be "(pleasantries) ... would you like to go to (place / activity) on (date / time)?" This firmly puts the ball in his court and his answer gives you a definite indication of his interest. If he says "yes" he is interested. If he says no but offers a different suggestion then he is interested but busy. If he says no with no alternative suggestion then he is not interested.

6) QUIT WITH ALL THE TEXTING!!! Use text for a quick notification "Stuck in traffic 10 min late" kind of thing.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  March 6,2011, 7:24am
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KateeBar wrote :
Now it's a week later and nothing from him. I really like him, but I'm also talking to some others and working on that whole multi dating thing. So, do I send a text or something to guy 1 to just say "I know you're busy, I am still interested in going out if you are, let me know when things quiet down...".
Don't send that!
If you want, send him a message with a definite plan and a time...but continue to date others.
He may have decided to move on... many do so at, or around 3 dates.
Stay positive, but keep going...
That's how you get better at the dating game.
 
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