Interested sounding or desperate sounding?


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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #11  March 6,2011, 7:45am
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mixing metaphors in a mellifluous melange of malapropisms

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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
With reference to your title, there is nothing in your posts that would make him sound at all desperate. There are a few things that make him sound not all that interested and certainly non-committal.
I think the thread title is asking if she would sound "interested" or "desperate" if she sent her proposed message, not whether the guy is interested or desperate.
 
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frogprince is offline frogprince Post #12  March 6,2011, 7:57am
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Well you will probably seem desperate. But then again you will probably never hear from the guy again if you don't send a message. He doesn't seem very interested though. I guess you could text him asking him if he has plans for the weekend. If he says he is busy or doesn't respond you get your answer and you don't make yourself look overly desperate.
 
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KateeBar is offline KateeBar Post #13  March 6,2011, 8:33am
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Well I appreciate the input. Always interesting to see the different reads on a situation. For what it's worth - I wouldn't actually expect someone I just met to cancel plans they already had; I'm not sure I really implied that. Just like I'm not literally sitting by the phone, it was just a phrase. I'm rusty, not relentlessly clingy. But that stereotype of the clingy woman is what makes picking up the phone such a question mark. Back in the day, it just seemed the given was that an interested guy would find a way to stay in touch.

Guess I have some things to mull over.
 
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KateeBar is offline KateeBar Post #14  March 6,2011, 8:33am
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Sorry, dupe post.
Last edited by KateeBar; March 6,2011 at 8:35am.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #15  March 6,2011, 8:37am
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This has not changed:
KateeBar wrote :
it just seemed the given was that an interested guy would find a way to stay in touch.
That's why loose "lets get together " statements, "too busy" schedules still mean the same thing.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #16  March 6,2011, 11:59am
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KateeBar wrote :
....

After that, a couple texts but no further plans made. No contact all weekend. Sunday night I text, ask how the weekend went. He calls back, apologizes for being so out of touch, we chat. References to a restaurant we should try, close with him "let's catch up later in the week."

Now it's a week later and nothing from him. .....
he had a chance to make plans with you but said "lets catch up later in the week" and he didn't.

I think you can chase him up on this but I see no real interest in you from him.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #17  March 7,2011, 10:06am
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Katee,

It's difficult when you are enjoying somebody and they just don't seem to be as into or as eager about moving things forward as you are isn't it?

The only thing I wanted to say was that... it's possible your eagerness may be coming through a bit strong and that's pushed him away a bit. i also think there's a good chance there may be something else going on his end (as other's have suggested).

The big thng I"m leading to here is: what makes you most desirable and attractive is when you have your own things going on that you enjoy that aren't dependent upon other people so you can do them. things that bring out your energy, passion (rather than keeping them bottled up) ~ as it does make a huge difference when people see this coming out of you.

I don't know where this particular situation is going ~ it remains to be seen. But in the end it shouldn't matter ~ you should be focusing on you and letting them come find you ~ rather than you wondering where to find them.

Good luck.

Richey
Last edited by richey; March 7,2011 at 10:18am.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #18  March 7,2011, 10:06am
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dup-o-rama
Last edited by richey; March 7,2011 at 10:09am.
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #19  March 7,2011, 12:25pm
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Not necessarily desperate sounding, but don't do it. Personally, I had a lot of success dating (and by success I mean getting into relationships), and the only reason that is so is that I didn't waste any energy on a guy who wasn't totally into me. Before I became successful at dating, I went through a period where I wasn't successful at all. I attribute this entirely to the fact that I would spend energy wondering why this guy or that guy didn't call or make the effort to keep going out. It gets inside your head. I have no better explanation as to what changed than that.

Bottom line, a guy who is really interested would have made time to communicate. If he does make time, great. You can and should go out with him again if you want. However, if he doesn't, don't waste any energy on it. Once you get into an exclusive situation, you absolutely should be making your share of the plans. Until that point, the best way to know how he feels about you is to see if he keeps calling. Calling/going out regularly = interested; not calling or going out regularly = not interested enough. It really is that simple.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #20  March 7,2011, 12:52pm
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KateeBar wrote :
So...

Been on eH for about a month and finally found one person that seemed really interesting with lots in common. Ripped through the GC very quickly. Talked on the phone for two hours Monday night and decided to meet for drinks Tuesday night. Three hours there and we had a great time, texts exchanged to that end. Wednesday he asks me out for dinner; he's got plans all weekend but wanted to see me again...blah blah. We go out, another good date.

After that, a couple texts but no further plans made. No contact all weekend. Sunday night I text, ask how the weekend went. He calls back, apologizes for being so out of touch, we chat. References to a restaurant we should try, close with him "let's catch up later in the week."

Now it's a week later and nothing from him. I really like him, but I'm also talking to some others and working on that whole multi dating thing. So, do I send a text or something to guy 1 to just say "I know you're busy, I am still interested in going out if you are, let me know when things quiet down...". Or do I just let it go until/unless he contacts me?

It's been AGES since I've dated and this is my first online attempt. Friends all seem to have these rules for who calls whom, how often, when, etc. But frankly none of them are dating, so their advice could just be old-fashioned!

I feel so old and rusty.

A couple of things....

First, let guy 1 contact you. He has your number and as much as I hate phone game playing, in this situation, I think it is appropriate that you allow this man to contact you that way you will know how interested he is in you.

Second, since you are multi-dating, then act like you want to benefit from it. It would be unfair for you to be all into one person, but stringing the others along. So, I would recommend that you start focusing on the other prospects and begin your process of elimination until you find the best suitor.

Lastly, how do you feel about taking advice from friends who are not dating? Might want to ponder on that one for a sec...lol

Good luck.

B.Y.
 
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