Sensitivity to Mixed Signals


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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #1  March 5,2011, 2:23pm
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This thought crossed my mind while reading my5cents similar thread; do each of us have differing levels of tolerance/sensitivity to mixed signals?

What do you consider mixed signals on or immediately following a date? Is there no room for ambiguity?

What is an example of the kind of behaviour you are looking for on and immediately following a date, to convey straight, clear signals?

If you're really stuck on someone are you more willing to abide some mixed signals than if you're only mildly interested?
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #2  March 5,2011, 2:50pm
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LDJ wrote :
This thought crossed my mind while reading my5cents similar thread; do each of us have differing levels of tolerance/sensitivity to mixed signals? I have little to no tolerance. I am only attracted to/interested in assertive, dominant, take-charge men, and they do not exhibit ambiguous signals.

What do you consider mixed signals on or immediately following a date? Lack of physical contact, distraction and lack of focus during the date, no immediately expressed committment to future plans.
Is there no room for ambiguity? Not really; there are too many potential matches to tolerate ambiguity.

What is an example of the kind of behaviour you are looking for on and immediately following a date, to convey straight, clear signals? The opposite of the second question, of course - physical contact, definite plans for another meeting, a text or email expressing excitement and possibilites.

If you're really stuck on someone are you more willing to abide some mixed signals than if you're only mildly interested? Meh, I don't think so - interest begats interest, ambiguity begats - nothing.
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Xable is offline Xable Post #3  March 5,2011, 3:07pm
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LDJ wrote :
This thought crossed my mind while reading my5cents similar thread; do each of us have differing levels of tolerance/sensitivity to mixed signals?

What do you consider mixed signals on or immediately following a date? Is there no room for ambiguity?

I think there is room for ambiguity. We are all different and act accordingly. Just reading Dropdeadredtx response is a good example. She states that a lack of physical contact means, to her, a lack of interest. Whereas, it I was on the first few dates with a guy and he had octopus hands, I would take it as a sign of interest in only sex and and not being really interest in me.

What is an example of the kind of behaviour you are looking for on and immediately following a date, to convey straight, clear signals?

There is a difference between no signals and mixed signals. If your date is not making time to talk, text, email, or see you, that is no signal not a mixed signal. Your date might have said they wants to see you again but if they don't act upon it, that isn't a mixed signal, it is a very clear one. They are not interested in you.

The only behavior I am looking for is that actions and words match. If they say they are going to do something - they do it. If I am getting mixed signals, I'm going to ask the guy about it before I write him off. Why? Because it takes two seconds to ask for clarification and the pay off it great. Worse case, I learn for sure he isn't into me and I can move on. Best case, I learn that the guy I am interested is, in fact, also interested in me and we have a long happy relationship together.

If you're really stuck on someone are you more willing to abide some mixed signals than if you're only mildly interested?

No, sitting around wondering does he/doesn't he is childish and a waste of time. If I am interested in someone and I am unsure of his intentions, I ask about them. Whether it is one date or one hundred dates I ask and talk about behavior that is confusing me rather then wondering about it and probably drawing wrong conclusions.
See above.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  March 5,2011, 3:15pm
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I do think that each of us have differing "sensitivity" to mixed signals or signs and signals of any kind. I rather suspect that a large part of my problem is that I have no ability to read signs and signals and take what was said to be quite literal.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #5  March 5,2011, 5:05pm
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I usually know when the signals I am getting are "mixed" - but that doesn't mean I can just easily walk away. Mixed signals can be very powerful, and then the hopefulness and wishful thinking kick in, and that's very hard to give up. You keep thinking that if you just "hang on a little longer" things will smooth themselves out.

I recall dealing with "Mr. Mixed Signals" last summer, who kept saying things like "I am not ready for a relationship" - yet he couldn't stay away from me. I even tried "radio silence" to see if my absence would "make his heart grow fonder" or if he would simply forget about me. Just when I decided that I was done chasing after him, he started to chase after me.

See what I mean about hopefulness and wishful thinking, all because of some seriously "mixed signals"?
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #6  March 6,2011, 12:25pm
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mitchell175 wrote :
.......
I recall dealing with "Mr. Mixed Signals" last summer, who kept saying things like "I am not ready for a relationship" - yet he couldn't stay away from me. I even tried "radio silence" to see if my absence would "make his heart grow fonder" or if he would simply forget about me. Just when I decided that I was done chasing after him, he started to chase after me.

See what I mean about hopefulness and wishful thinking, all because of some seriously "mixed signals"?
I can relate to that! I've experienced women who have said the same to me. I think if they stick around even after saying they aren't looking for a relationship then they are lonely and/or using me as a stop gap. I think I've experienced that from about the age of 13 to a year or 2 ago. Each time the result has been a dead end so definitely one of those things which has taken me a long time to wake up to!

This kind of person would earn an immediate number deletion if they sent me that kind of message.
 
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beccaf87 is offline beccaf87 Post #7  March 6,2011, 12:27pm
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mitchell175 wrote :
I usually know when the signals I am getting are "mixed" - but that doesn't mean I can just easily walk away. Mixed signals can be very powerful, and then the hopefulness and wishful thinking kick in, and that's very hard to give up. You keep thinking that if you just "hang on a little longer" things will smooth themselves out.

I recall dealing with "Mr. Mixed Signals" last summer, who kept saying things like "I am not ready for a relationship" - yet he couldn't stay away from me. I even tried "radio silence" to see if my absence would "make his heart grow fonder" or if he would simply forget about me. Just when I decided that I was done chasing after him, he started to chase after me.

See what I mean about hopefulness and wishful thinking, all because of some seriously "mixed signals"?
I have had a few of those myself. I am done with it. Mix signals are a deal breaker.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #8  March 7,2011, 10:34am
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Funny... Red replies in "blue". Who woulda thunk it?

Okay.. so I found Red's replies interesting because in recent months I had a conversation with a female about physical contact on the first/early dates. Her reply was a bit opposite in that she said "touchy/feely is a big turn off for me on a first date... i don't like it. too soon, or the guy is too desperate/eager to get things going..."

I also know that signals don't necessarly mean "green light" (aka physical contact). It's very possible nowadays that peopel might be going along with your initiation just to not cause a scene or not create a rift during the date (or uncomfortableness).

So I've sorta thrown the "signals" test out the window a bit. It seems daters today are so aware that there are signals that maybe it's lost some of its genuineness. (People are perhaps starting to manufacture signals to broadcast to the other side what it thinks it's supposed to be broadcasting to move things along).

I think the thing I look to now is ~ how engaged are they into me, asking about me, wanting to know about me.. and how much do they initiate and have no problem initiating with me. Sort of the "for the right one, you throw the rules out the window" philosophy... if i see somebody saying "to hell with the rules" with me, then I figure they're into me.

Richey
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #9  March 7,2011, 11:34am
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richey wrote :

It seems daters today are so aware that there are signals that maybe it's lost some of its genuineness. (People are perhaps starting to manufacture signals to broadcast to the other side what it thinks it's supposed to be broadcasting to move things along).
I think you hit the nail on the head with this one.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #10  March 7,2011, 4:05pm
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LDJ wrote :
What do you consider mixed signals on or immediately following a date? Is there no room for ambiguity?

What is an example of the kind of behaviour you are looking for on and immediately following a date, to convey straight, clear signals?

If you're really stuck on someone are you more willing to abide some mixed signals than if you're only mildly interested?

The two biggest examples of mixed signals I can think of are:

When actions do not match statements: If someone gives a date to meet, I expect them to meet. If they plan a second meeting, I expect them to have done so sincerely, and follow through. If someone says they are interested, I expect them to demonstrate interest.

When a person is flakey: People who are interested, do what they say and make progress happen.

In my case, I have limited tolerance for ambiguity (a lie is not ambiguous.) If they don't have their life together enough to communicate clearly and deliver, then they would be incompatible anyway, even if it's not deliberate.

I don't really give more allowance in the case I like the person more. Dishonestly, leading me on, or trying to use me ("interested" only insofar as they get stuff from me), are serious character flaws which render someone unfit for a healthy relationship, and therefore unsuitable for any sort of commitment.
 
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