dating etiquette: would you rather...


View Poll Results: If your date does not feel a connection, would you rather he/she
be pleasant, so that you can have a nice time regardless 19 86.36%
give off the vibe that he/she is not interested, so you aren't left wondering 3 13.64%
Voters: 22. You may not vote on this poll

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karajoyfull is offline karajoyfull Post #1  March 3,2011, 8:35pm
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So, let's suppose your meeting someone for the first time or in the early stages of getting to know each other / trying to discern if there's a connection. If your date doesn't feel there's a connection, would you rather...

(1) he or she act pleasantly so that you both still have an enjoyable time on the date, but be clear about the lack of connection should you ask to meet again

- or -

(2) be a bit more transparent (obviously not into you) so that you leave the date knowing he/she is not interested

I don't believe in being wishy-washy, so if someone asks me out again and I didn't feel a connection, I will politely decline and wish him well (the guys I've met haven't asked for a second date on the spot; it's always been a follow up call or text). That being said, on the date I am pleasant regardless of whether I feel a connection (not flirtatious...just warm, polite, conversational, and maintaining an "open" posture).

I guess I've started to wonder if it bothers a guy that he can sit across the table from me for an hour or two and have no indication that I'd rather not see him again. I imagine it could leave him blindsided a bit, which could actually make the experience more negative in some respects, even though my intent was to make it more positive. So, what do you think? Is it deceptive or dishonest for your date to remain warm and open even if they're "not feeling it", or is getting turned down even when it's unexpected just part of the process?
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #2  March 3,2011, 8:53pm
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karajoyfull wrote :
So, let's suppose your meeting someone for the first time or in the early stages of getting to know each other / trying to discern if there's a connection. If your date doesn't feel there's a connection, would you rather...

(1) he or she act pleasantly so that you both still have an enjoyable time on the date, but be clear about the lack of connection should you ask to meet again

- or -

(2) be a bit more transparent (obviously not into you) so that you leave the date knowing he/she is not interested

I don't believe in being wishy-washy, so if someone asks me out again and I didn't feel a connection, I will politely decline and wish him well (the guys I've met haven't asked for a second date on the spot; it's always been a follow up call or text). That being said, on the date I am pleasant regardless of whether I feel a connection (not flirtatious...just warm, polite, conversational, and maintaining an "open" posture).

I guess I've started to wonder if it bothers a guy that he can sit across the table from me for an hour or two and have no indication that I'd rather not see him again. I imagine it could leave him blindsided a bit, which could actually make the experience more negative in some respects, even though my intent was to make it more positive. So, what do you think? Is it deceptive or dishonest for your date to remain warm and open even if they're "not feeling it", or is getting turned down even when it's unexpected just part of the process?
Option 1. It is perfectly possible to be pleasant to someone and not be interested in them.

I do not believe that it is deceptive or dishonest that when I am out with a man, I treat him nicely. I think that it is perfectly possible to be courteous, pleasant and even friendly to a man without being interested in him (as in a relationship) or for him to mistake that I am interested in him when I am not.
 
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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #3  March 3,2011, 9:01pm
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I think it's more polite to be pleasant, and make the most of the situation. While it might not be a "love connection" it might turn into a very nice "friend connection" don't you think? But if you ooze rejection with every pore, you won't even get to "friend"!
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #4  March 4,2011, 5:29am
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You should be pleasant.....but....you should also not believe in love at first sight.

On first dates both sides are nervous and may ask differently than they normally would do.

If it was a pleasnat date and no red flags then go on a second date because then the person may be more comfortable without nerves.
 
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frogprince is offline frogprince Post #5  March 4,2011, 6:42am
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You should always be pleasant. I think that is a good way to live life in almost every situation.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #6  March 4,2011, 2:12pm
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frogprince wrote :
You should always be pleasant. I think that is a good way to live life in almost every situation.
^^^^ This. What Frogprince said.
 
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truth32 is offline truth32 Post #7  March 4,2011, 4:02pm
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frogprince wrote :
You should always be pleasant. I think that is a good way to live life in almost every situation.
agreed!
 
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karajoyfull is offline karajoyfull Post #8  March 4,2011, 4:22pm
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frogprince wrote :
You should always be pleasant. I think that is a good way to live life in almost every situation.
Glad this seems to be the consensus because I'm not sure I could do it any other way.

And, yes, I always give the benefit of the doubt and assume nerves factor into those first few dates, but I do decline if there are dealbreakers.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  March 4,2011, 7:37pm
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There are only two choices in the poll. There should be a third that says that you tell your match / date that you don't feel there is a connection.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  March 4,2011, 7:41pm
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meri75 wrote :
Option 1. It is perfectly possible to be pleasant to someone and not be interested in them.

I do not believe that it is deceptive or dishonest that when I am out with a man, I treat him nicely. I think that it is perfectly possible to be courteous, pleasant and even friendly to a man without being interested in him (as in a relationship) or for him to mistake that I am interested in him when I am not.
pammersw wrote :
I think it's more polite to be pleasant, and make the most of the situation. While it might not be a "love connection" it might turn into a very nice "friend connection" don't you think? But if you ooze rejection with every pore, you won't even get to "friend"!
When I was on eHarmony I went into every date with the expectation that there would be a romantic connection. I was not looking for friends. If I am looking for friends I will use some other avenue than a dating site, something like Meet Up.
 
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