Multi-dating question


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lizzy1999 is offline lizzy1999 Post #1  March 3,2011, 10:44am
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Hi everyone,
Yeah, so if you have read my other posts, you might find this kind of funny. So I've been on 5 dates with one guy and I like him a lot. In fact, I sorta just stopped browsing my dating sites. However, before I got involved with him, I was communicating with a guy on eH and we agreed to meet. I'm supposed to meet him tomorrow, but now I don't want to so much. I feel like I should though and just keep options open, especially since I told the first guy it was too fast to be exclusive back on date 3. Sigh - they didn't say dating was easy. I should probably meet him?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  March 3,2011, 10:49am
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lizzy1999 wrote :
Hi everyone,
Yeah, so if you have read my other posts, you might find this kind of funny. So I've been on 5 dates with one guy and I like him a lot. In fact, I sorta just stopped browsing my dating sites. However, before I got involved with him, I was communicating with a guy on eH and we agreed to meet. I'm supposed to meet him tomorrow, but now I don't want to so much. I feel like I should though and just keep options open, especially since I told the first guy it was too fast to be exclusive back on date 3. Sigh - they didn't say dating was easy. I should probably meet him?
I vote yes, because you made the commitment to meet him, and it sounds like you're still not quite 100% sure about the new guy.
(as long as that guy knows the deal)
 
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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #3  March 3,2011, 10:56am
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Until two people mutually decide to be exclusive there isn't any harm in going on other dates with other people. Just don't accidentally call them by the wrong names.
 
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Raw_Truth is offline Raw_Truth Post #4  March 3,2011, 11:31am
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That you made the commitment really shouldn't mean anything. If you don't want to, don't.

I have to admit I don't quite understand the desire to force options onto the situation...
 
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curiousgirl123 is offline curiousgirl123 Post #5  March 3,2011, 11:55am
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If I were you, I wouldn't go on a date with guy #2 regardless of previous plans. It seems you like guy #1 and don't have desire to browse around. So no need to do that.

I would email guy #2 and tell him I met someone and have decided to get to know them exclusively for a while. It wouldn't matter to me if I had the exclusive talk with guy #1, I'd go with what feels right to me for that situation. If I enjoy dating guy #1 and don't have desire to date others, that's exactly what I would do.

If things don't work out with guy #1, I can always contact guy #2 again later on.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #6  March 3,2011, 12:31pm
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I would go ahead and go on the date. That way you won't wonder about him, down the road. And it might push you a little closer to becoming exclusive with the first guy. Or deciding you definitely do want to date someone else instead.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #7  March 3,2011, 12:36pm
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Guy #1 said he wanted to be exclusive and you turned him down...now the ball is in your court on exclusivity with thim now. He may read your turn away as uncertaunty so he is now dating other people possibly.

If you want to be exclusive with #1 then be straight and honest with #2 that you are being exclusive rather than waste his time. It wouldnt be fair to him for you to go on a date knowing full well there will not be date #2. It sounds cheap as if you are using him for a free meal or free tickets to whereever.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #8  March 3,2011, 12:46pm
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lizzy1999 wrote :
Hi everyone,
Yeah, so if you have read my other posts, you might find this kind of funny. So I've been on 5 dates with one guy and I like him a lot. In fact, I sorta just stopped browsing my dating sites. However, before I got involved with him, I was communicating with a guy on eH and we agreed to meet. I'm supposed to meet him tomorrow, but now I don't want to so much. I feel like I should though and just keep options open, especially since I told the first guy it was too fast to be exclusive back on date 3. Sigh - they didn't say dating was easy. I should probably meet him?
My issue with this line of logic is quite simple really:

If you're going to claim that it's too soon to be exclusive, but then not date anybody else anyways... Then why the hell did you claim that it was too soon to be exclusive in the first place? Are you simply freaking out over the label "exclusive", when by choosing not to date others, you're effectively being exclusive already?

Seems to me like you need to make up your mind. You either want to be exclusive, or not. And if you don't, then there's no reason why you shouldn't date guy #2.
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #9  March 3,2011, 3:49pm
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Part of what is going to make things work with your guy #1 is having the courage to make the leap to exclusivity and give it a chance. There will always be guy number twos.

There is no magic dust that will descend upon you and make you feel 100 percent assured that guy 1 is it and you'll never consider another guy but him. What you've got wiht guy 1 after 5 dates, is the real thing, this is as good as it gets in five dates. To waffle now shows a lack of sincerity and integrity on your part, and it can be a recipe for ending up empty handed.

Guy number 2 is a stranger at this point, so unless guy 1 is a disapointing prospect for you, how is guy 2 even going to stand a chance against someone you've got 5 dates in with?

How would you feel if guy number 1 were meeting a new match in the near future? Your answer to that should give you some perspective and help you find the right direction to go in.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #10  March 4,2011, 2:31am
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everyone appears to be talking about 'going on a date' with guy 2 but Lizzy has only talked about meeting him.

I think she should but have clear boundaries in her head that it's just for a coffee and chat - that way she isn't breaking an 'exclusivity' she is starting to feel for guy number 1.


I also think this would be of beneift to you lizzy because I don't think you've been internet dating for long so meeting someone for chat is good to build on your confidence and social skills. You could at least be making a new friend.

Plus men (and women) are fickle - guy number 1 could just 'poof' on you even though you have had 5 dates.
Last edited by SteveManchesterEngland; March 4,2011 at 2:34am.
 
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