Getting Past Date Three


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rayeverest is offline rayeverest Post #1  March 1,2011, 10:27am
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I would like some women to tell me why I am having difficulty getting past date number two or three.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #2  March 1,2011, 10:51am
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It's a magic number

I think it's just that, with online "dating" especially, by the third date you start getting a good idea of who someone is/what's important to them. It's also when people start being more real as you're no longer strangers. Those are all good things if you're on the same page or a reason not to continue if you aren't.

Without more information, I would attribute your difficulty in getting past the third date to the above (which is very, very common) rather than to something you're doing wrong or could do better.

My magic number seems to be around six weeks - that's when incompatibilities really seem to become clear.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #3  March 1,2011, 11:57am
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It's not uncommon that you see, even on these very boards, a woman claiming that she gives a guy she's on the fence about 2 to 3 dates until she can figure out if she wants to continue with him, or bail.

SO! Instead of thinking of it as you doing something wrong somewhere along the line, and screwing things up when they were originally going well... Think of it as things never having been that great to begin with, but the woman agreeing to 1 or 2 more for a chance for improvement, rather than poof on you after date #1.

The bottom line remains the same... You were not a good match (in her mind), and so she chose to move on.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #4  March 1,2011, 1:03pm
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By date 2/3 its generally not you....

As a guy I have done that too...I get to date 2 or 3 and learn about the person and if I think we are just too different I just say forget it and move on. I am looking for a LTR not a fling.
 
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whiteowl4 is offline whiteowl4 Post #5  March 1,2011, 3:41pm
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As a woman, I'd have to say that what others have said here sounds most likely to be the truth - without having any other information on which to form opinions, of course. I've been on both sides of things - had guys break things off with me after two or three dates, and I've done the same. Unless the first date is an absolute disaster (and not in the "funny store in retrospect" sort of way), I'll usually give a guy a second or even third try. The butterflies associated with a First Date can be a lot for some people - yes, including me at times.
 
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whiteowl4 is offline whiteowl4 Post #6  March 1,2011, 3:42pm
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Part 2: However, if I'm not feeling a click or like there's anything "more" to develop between me and a guy after 2 or 3 days, I'll usually break things off. I just don't see the point in stringing along a guy if I don't see it anywhere. Sometimes it's hard - he may be a great guy and have great potential as a boyfriend ... for someone. But, if he's not the right fit for me (or me for him), I think we're better off going our separate ways.
 
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Swirlndia is offline Swirlndia Post #7  March 1,2011, 5:13pm
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It's impossible to pinpoint since you don't give any details. In general, I'd say the main reason could be that you're not selecting potential dates right for yourself. Are you going on a date with at least some idea why you already like her? or are you going on a date just to see if you even like her at all?

A lot of people here on the boards talk about red flags, green flags. And while these tools are useful, the bottom line is: just because she has all the green and none of the red doesn't guarantee you both will have a great time and a connection together. Try to communicate with one at a time. See if there's some connection first. Then meet. If emails are not flowing, why even bother meeting?
 
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rayeverest is offline rayeverest Post #8  March 2,2011, 2:50am
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Getting to know the woman before the first date, and selecting a dating activity which will be of interest to both of us may help to improve the personal interaction and allow for more bonding.
 
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frogprince is offline frogprince Post #9  March 2,2011, 7:02pm
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rayeverest wrote :
I would like some women to tell me why I am having difficulty getting past date number two or three.
Are you not putting out? Women expect sex by the third date. If you don't give it to them they are going to roll.

But I think you need to provide more details for anyone to answer this question.
 
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LongLocks is offline LongLocks Post #10  March 2,2011, 8:07pm
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frogprince wrote :
Are you not putting out? Women expect sex by the third date. If you don't give it to them they are going to roll.

But I think you need to provide more details for anyone to answer this question.
Expect sex by the third date? No.
Expect some show of affection, i.e., hand holding, kissing, etc. by the third date? YES!
 
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