What are Single Parents Really Looking For?


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Vanillasky is offline Vanillasky Post #1  February 21,2011, 9:46pm
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What are single parents really looking for in a future match?

I don't have any children of my own, and I don't want to give birth to any with a future partner -- but l Iove kids.

Are single parents only looking for matches who already have kids, because they think they would make better stepmothers and stepfathers to their own children or not?

WC
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #2  February 21,2011, 10:11pm
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I am someone who is dating a single mother....from my experience...

There are some single parents who would prefer dating a single parent as well....their preference may be a brady bunch.
This may be more of a factor if the children are of a younger age.
 
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AudioDad is offline AudioDad Post #3  February 22,2011, 4:11pm
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As with most things to do with dating, the answer will likely vary somewhat from person to person.

When I was still dating, my profile preferences included women who had children or didn't. For me, I was looking for someone who, even if they didn't have kids of their own, appreciated the demands of parenthood and that my time and attention would necessarily be divided. It also meant I couldn't always just pick up and take off somewhere on a whim. Travel and/or dates needed to be planned in advance. That was a limiting factor for some women who might otherwise have been interested in pursuing a relationship, or at least dating me.

Above all, I think most of us are looking for patience in a potential partner. As a parent, your life is not yours to do with as you please most of the time - at least, not til the kids move out and go to college!
Last edited by AudioDad; February 22,2011 at 4:14pm.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #4  February 22,2011, 4:34pm
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As a never-married single mom, I generally found that men who were fathers were more likely to understand and work around school projects and dance recitals and the stomach flu than those who were childless. I have had successful long-term and short-term relationships with childless men, but only after my daughter was in high school - and even then there were still a few challenges. Patience, flexibility and spontaneity are key.
 
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Pilgrim007 is offline Pilgrim007 Post #5  February 22,2011, 5:29pm
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Wendycity wrote :
What are single parents really looking for in a future match?

I don't have any children of my own, and I don't want to give birth to any with a future partner -- but l Iove kids.

Are single parents only looking for matches who already have kids, because they think they would make better stepmothers and stepfathers to their own children or not?

WC
Wendy,

I can only speak for me; here are my preferences in order:
Widow with children
Divorced with custody of her children
Never married but has children
Widowed never had children
Never married never had children
Divorced but lost custody of her children

The bottom line is that it is better if she has had to walk in my shoes. Now it is a big red flag to me if she did not get or did not want custody of her children.

This is a general list; however it depends on the woman. There are fantastic women who have never had or could not have children .

JMHOs
YFR
 
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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #6  February 22,2011, 5:45pm
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This would depend on the age of my children for me. My two kids are nearly "launched" so I seek matches with children similar in age or childless, not wanting to go back to the responsibilities of small children.

However, when I envision the years that my kids were smaller, i would've sought a match with children younger, again, similar in age to my own, for the benefit of familiarity with the obligations of raising young kids.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #7  February 22,2011, 7:28pm
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I think you can see from the answers you've received, Wendy, that this is a very individual thing for each single parent. There is no consensus that all single parents want.

As for myself, it isn't important to me whether or not a match has kids. What is important is that he understand that there are times when I will have to cancel plans because of kid things and sometimes these things may happen unexpectedly. I am not looking for a father for my children, but I am looking for a good role model and someone who can step in and enjoy spending time with all of us. I want someone who can be a part of our family. I have discovered that these traits can be found in men who have kids the ages of mine, men who have kids who are older, and men who have never had kids. (I've never dated anyone who had kids significantly younger, but I'm sure that some of them have these same qualities, as well.)
 
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Mike74 is offline Mike74 Post #8  February 22,2011, 7:32pm
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AudioDad wrote :
As with most things to do with dating, the answer will likely vary somewhat from person to person.

When I was still dating, my profile preferences included women who had children or didn't. For me, I was looking for someone who, even if they didn't have kids of their own, appreciated the demands of parenthood and that my time and attention would necessarily be divided. It also meant I couldn't always just pick up and take off somewhere on a whim. Travel and/or dates needed to be planned in advance. That was a limiting factor for some women who might otherwise have been interested in pursuing a relationship, or at least dating me.

Above all, I think most of us are looking for patience in a potential partner. As a parent, your life is not yours to do with as you please most of the time - at least, not til the kids move out and go to college!
AudioDad hit the nail on the head -- most importantly, single parents want a partner who will be understanding of the demands of parenthood. I'm a divorced father of two toddlers, and I have custody at least one day every weekend. My kids are a big part of my life, and will be for many years. Ideally, I would prefer to meet a woman with kids similar in ages to my kids. I think that a woman with children would be more understanding of the joys and challenges of being a single parent, and it would be great if our kids could become friends. I would also be interested in a woman that did not have kids, but was willing to take an active role with her partner's children. I'm not sure that I want to have any more children of my own, so I would not be interested in a woman that wants to create more children with her partner.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #9  February 22,2011, 7:45pm
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Wendycity wrote :
What are single parents really looking for in a future match?

I don't have any children of my own, and I don't want to give birth to any with a future partner -- but l Iove kids.

WC
Wow.

To me that confession is VERY ironic.

It fairly CRIES OUT that you yourself would make a wonderful mother to children --- as a carefully considered and thought out CHOICE you made.

Every child a Badly Wanted child. That is a great start. Nobody can move me from that opinion..
 
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savman is offline savman Post #10  February 22,2011, 8:05pm
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As stated, everyone is different, but I mostly agree with AudioDad. There are many things which are difficult for a person who has never been a parent to understand about being a parent. Time is a huge part of that.

As long as you can understand that you will not be the number one person in your potential dates life for quite a few years, and that time will be limited, then I think it can work.

Many people think they understand that, but don't.

I would say that you should make it clear early that you are not looking to be number one in their lives, and that you can be flexible about time, then you should not have problems.
 
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