This is a new one on me..


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JonTen is offline JonTen Post #1  February 13,2011, 12:18pm
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I've dated this girl a hand full of times over the last two months. It's a little different for me because I have to initiate everything. If I don't make it happen, it's not going to happen. She's usually down to hang out but I have to ask her. This is alright with me, but it can be a little frustrating. When we are out, or doing whatever, we always have a good time and it always ends with a kiss. But, that's it.. and it's not enough. She's busy with her job and all which is great, but I think it may be keeping her from putting too much effort into dating. I've been out with a couple other girls since we started dating, but nothing I thought was worth pursuing. I really don't think she is dating anyone else, but I can't be sure. We've never talked about anything very deep as far as relationship stuff goes. When I left her today I kissed her and she said it was weird because there were people around. I like this girl and kinda want to let her know how I feel, but I don't want to scare her off. So far I feel like I have to do everything. I also feel that I could also do anything I wanted really and she would be down, but I don't want to push it because I'm not really sure how she feels about it. It's damn confusing. I'm not really sure what my next move is at this point and wanted to see what you guys thought.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #2  February 13,2011, 12:34pm
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I fear you are just a placeholder for her; she doesn't seem to show genuine interest and intent. You want someone whose interest level is equal to your own, and is eager and excited to see you, not just 'down with it', because she doesn't have anything else to do.
Let her know how you feel, and if you scare her off, so be it. You haven't actually lost anything.
 
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primarilyconfused is offline primarilyconfused Post #3  February 13,2011, 12:35pm
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My thought is that you're an okay guy to go out with but if you never call he again, she's okay with that too. Does she ever turn you down when you ask?
 
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JonTen is offline JonTen Post #4  February 13,2011, 12:46pm
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The only time she turns me down is if she has to work. She is heavily involved with her job. If that happens though, I put it on her and say something like, "Alright, let me know if you want to hang out." Surprisingly to me, she comes back and wants to do something. It's been a while since I've actually dated and the whole situation is confusing to me.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #5  February 13,2011, 12:56pm
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JonTen wrote :
The only time she turns me down is if she has to work. She is heavily involved with her job. If that happens though, I put it on her and say something like, "Alright, let me know if you want to hang out." Surprisingly to me, she comes back and wants to do something. It's been a while since I've actually dated and the whole situation is confusing to me.
^^^This is your problem. Ask her out for a date, in a confident and definitive way. She may not even look at your relationship as dating, if this is how you normally approach her. I 'hang out' with my friends, not my dates.
 
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JonTen is offline JonTen Post #6  February 13,2011, 1:05pm
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I see what you're saying. Early on I avoided using the word 'dating' to make things seem more relaxed. If I wanted to seem at all serious I probably should step up the 'talk' a little bit. I have though been more confident than in previous relationships. I can't say it's perfect though. Since I can still kiss her I feel that I am in an okay position. Sometimes I feel that she wants more and other times feel as if she wants less. As you can see I tend to over think things quite a bit. I've always done that..
 
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frogprince is offline frogprince Post #7  February 13,2011, 4:13pm
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I don't think she is that into you from what you wrote. Do you pick her up at her house? Ask to come in at the end of the date. Or cook dinner for her at your house.
 
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JonTen is offline JonTen Post #8  February 13,2011, 4:21pm
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We don't really live that close together. The places we normally go are in between us so we just meet somewhere and ride together. I have not been to her place. I would invite her to mine, but I just graduated college and am still saving for my own place.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #9  February 13,2011, 4:31pm
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JonTen wrote :
I see what you're saying. Early on I avoided using the word 'dating' to make things seem more relaxed.
I can't speak for all women, but if a guy is interested in me, he better use the word "date" and not ask me to "hang out". This is not just being difficult or princess-y, but I have graduated beyond the "hanging out" stage and am interested in a dating relationship with long term potential.

If that is not where you are in your life right now, then continue to use "hang out". But, if a dating relationship with long term potential is on your horizon, be sure to call it a "date".
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  February 13,2011, 4:37pm
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Oh, where is Nannette when you need her?

This girl may look at dating in a more traditional way. She might have the stance that the man is supposed to do all the leading. All the phone calls and asking out until it is defined as a relationship.

Since you just want to "hang out" she might feel like you are just keeping her on the side lines until you're ready.

Don't get too overly anxious about telling her how you feel about things. If you two can't communicate about something as simple as dating (or hanging out) then you won't last long.
 
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