jh_va is offline jh_va Post #1  February 4,2011, 12:46pm
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I've been dating this girl for the past month that I met on eHarmony. We've been on three dates. The first two times it was just me and her, the last time I met a couple of her friends and she met one of my friends. I've never really had any in depth conversations with her, and most of our conversations happen through text. I'll call her occasionally when I feel like we might have something to talk about. Most of the time it's me texting her first a couple times through the week. If I give it a day or two longer than normal then she'll text me first, or if I ask her to get back with me on a date idea then I'll hear back from her first.

I feel like she is still in the mindset of being single, and enjoys her single life, which is fine if that's what she wants, but I get mixed signals. I'm really trying to make something work here as I feel like I don't put enough effort into pursuing girls sometimes; however, I feel like I'm getting bored of our conversations as she's not really hinting at anything more. I'm probably going to give it till the beginning of next week to see if I hear anything from her first, then I'm not really sure what I'm going to do. Thinking maybe I should just drop it? Should I still continue and try to get her to open up more? Just looking for advice.
 
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SkinsGiants_fan is offline SkinsGiants_fan Post #2  February 4,2011, 12:55pm
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Hard to say. Some girls like to be pursued, or are afraid of coming on too strong, though it doesn't sound like she's in any danger of that happening. Or maybe she's multi-dating and you are her back-up so she's not making you a priority?

What would be the advantages of sticking it out with her? You said you are getting bored with your conversations with her, as they are superficial and tedious, so it doesn't sound like there's a lot of enthusiasm on your part anyway. I don't think you are obligated to squeeze a square peg into a round hole.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #3  February 4,2011, 1:07pm
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I'd invite her over to watch a film with me and say she's welcome to stay in my spare room and we can have an evening of film and wine and then breakfast.

You can usually work out who is interested by the response to a very personal invite.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #4  February 4,2011, 1:11pm
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I'm going to quote 2 key phrases of yours here:


jh_va wrote :
We've been on three dates.
jh_va wrote :
I feel like she is still in the mindset of being single
What other mindset should she be in exactly? If you don't mind me asking? she IS still single, and you're nothing more than a guy she's gone out with 3 times. Her actions are not that of a flake, she responds to you when you contact her, and she contacts you if you haven't reached out to her yourself

Looks to me like the girl's interested. If you don't find her interesting enough to continue pursuing her, then that's you're problem here. Other than that, I'd say you should put a little more enthusiasm in it... But again, seems to me you're just not THAT into her.
 
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jh_va is offline jh_va Post #5  February 4,2011, 1:11pm
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SkinsGiants_fan wrote :
Hard to say. Some girls like to be pursued, or are afraid of coming on too strong, though it doesn't sound like she's in any danger of that happening. Or maybe she's multi-dating and you are her back-up so she's not making you a priority?

What would be the advantages of sticking it out with her? You said you are getting bored with your conversations with her, as they are superficial and tedious, so it doesn't sound like there's a lot of enthusiasm on your part anyway. I don't think you are obligated to squeeze a square peg into a round hole.
Multi-dating was my thought as well. We have a lot in common, same interests and beliefs. So even though I'm getting bored with our conversations, I know things could be more interesting if she would open up more. I've seen the way she acts with her friends, and I feel we could definitely have fun together, but I feel like she's just keeping me where I am because she's not sure what she wants. Those are my thoughts anyways.
 
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jh_va is offline jh_va Post #6  February 4,2011, 1:22pm
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Harryoss wrote :
I'm going to quote 2 key phrases of yours here:






What other mindset should she be in exactly? If you don't mind me asking? she IS still single, and you're nothing more than a guy she's gone out with 3 times. Her actions are not that of a flake, she responds to you when you contact her, and she contacts you if you haven't reached out to her yourself

Looks to me like the girl's interested. If you don't find her interesting enough to continue pursuing her, then that's you're problem here. Other than that, I'd say you should put a little more enthusiasm in it... But again, seems to me you're just not THAT into her.
I've been interested in her, it's just that I haven't felt any enthusiasm on her end lately, which is making me lose enthusiasm. I'm still into her, so I'll think about it more this weekend while she is away. I appreciate your viewpoint though... Maybe I'm just reading things wrong.

We've talked about possible valentines day plans, so I'll see what that leads to. I think mostly the issue on my end is that I've never been past a third date so I'm not really sure where to go from here.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #7  February 4,2011, 1:29pm
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jh_va wrote :
Multi-dating was my thought as well. We have a lot in common, same interests and beliefs. So even though I'm getting bored with our conversations, I know things could be more interesting if she would open up more. [b]I've seen the way she acts with her friends, and I feel we could definitely have fun together, but I feel like she's just keeping me where I am because she's not sure what she wants. Those are my thoughts anyways.
what sort of things are you doing together...that is to say, when you do see her? are they activities that you both are interested in?
Is she helping to plan some of this stuff...or do you feel like it's one person doing all the work(you)?

What sort of vibes/signals are you getting while on the dates...is she showing any physical interest in you at all..hand holding, etc..?
That will tell you quite a bit, also.
 
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CleverUsername is offline CleverUsername Post #8  February 4,2011, 1:32pm
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jh_va wrote :
I'll think about it more this weekend while she is away.
We've talked about possible valentines day plans, so I'll see what that leads to.
A few thoughts.

If she is going away, give her a chance to miss you. Keep yourself busy. You two have been on three dates, time to think of something you would want to do for her on valentines day, and ask her when she gets back. Your comment of "I'll see what that leads to." gives me the impression you are a bit wishy-washy on the subject. Take charge, think of something you want to do (maybe have a backup plan) and present it to her. If she says yes, you're set, if she says no but offers alternatives, still positive, if she simply declines, chances are her interest isn't as high as yours and probably time to move on.
 
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jh_va is offline jh_va Post #9  February 4,2011, 1:36pm
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TheThinker wrote :
what sort of things are you doing together...that is to say, when you do see her? are they activities that you both are interested in?
Is she helping to plan some of this stuff...or do you feel like it's one person doing all the work(you)?

What sort of vibes/signals are you getting while on the dates...is she showing any physical interest in you at all..hand holding, etc..?
That will tell you quite a bit, also.
So far coffee, movie/dinner, bar/club. I don't like putting too much info on here because I'm always wondering who's reading this forum haha. She helps to plan it out. She planned out the last date, and I planned out the first two with her input.

She's not very physical on dates. We danced last time, which was as much physical that I got from her. No holding hands so far.
 
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jh_va is offline jh_va Post #10  February 4,2011, 1:40pm
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CleverUsername wrote :
A few thoughts.

If she is going away, give her a chance to miss you. Keep yourself busy. You two have been on three dates, time to think of something you would want to do for her on valentines day, and ask her when she gets back. Your comment of "I'll see what that leads to." gives me the impression you are a bit wishy-washy on the subject. Take charge, think of something you want to do (maybe have a backup plan) and present it to her. If she says yes, you're set, if she says no but offers alternatives, still positive, if she simply declines, chances are her interest isn't as high as yours and probably time to move on.
Thanks, yeah that's what I plan to do this weekend. We talked about actually meeting on valentines day, but she works evenings which is the only time I'd have, so that's why I'm not sure what it will lead to unless we meet on her dinner break. I'll see if I can think of something possibly the weekend before valentines.
 
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