happylife is offline happylife Post #1  February 3,2011, 9:12pm
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I've been reading some of EH members' postings about their exchange of text messages with people they've been dating or starting to date. Some have shared that they've received replies which come several days afer it was sent or even have renewed contact (via text) after one or two weeks of no contact at all.

My question: is this the acceptable norm in online dating now? I am aware that people do get busy with their jobs/lives and other distractions but waiting for a response for several days? Isn't there some kind of texting (sms) 'etiquette'?

Thank you once again for all replies!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  February 3,2011, 9:32pm
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Depends on where the relationship is (established, have never met this person, or somewhere in between). Also depends on the content of the text. "Where are you I've been waiting 30 minutes!" I would answer right away. "Hi what's up" -- it depends on the relationship.

I wouldn't let a long time go by though. If I were that uninterested I'd just say so.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  February 3,2011, 9:34pm
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I always delay text responses unless it's something important. It does one of two things.....it adds to my mystique or women get the message that texting is basically retarded.
 
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LoveSong is offline LoveSong Post #4  February 3,2011, 10:17pm
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A couple days is a long time to respond to a text. It shows disinterest. I would assume that I rank lower on the scale of importance to that person.

Text is not the same as email. Text is on a cell and most people carry their cell with them. Not everyone has 24 access to email though.
 
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melvimbe is offline melvimbe Post #5  February 4,2011, 1:43am
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I don't know that etiquette should really factor in. If it's important to you for them to be more responsive, then that should be an indication of whether or not they are a match for you. Of course, you should factor in their schedule and the stage of the relationship.

Personally, I wouldn't text a message that requires a response unless I already know that they are responsive. For example, once a woman gives me her number, I'll text her soon after just to say hi and give her my number in return.

tweet, why wouldn't you just say that you aren't big on texting instead of purposely stalling? I get the mystique part of it as I also don't want to be so available that I look boring, but I wouldn't delay more then 30 minutes to an hour for that purpose.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #6  February 4,2011, 2:54am
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welcome happylife

yes texting is the norm these days but occasionally some girls like to phone me. I need to read my phone manual to work out how to do that.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  February 4,2011, 2:56am
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This is established between two people...some text back and forth all day or right away....some use it for a quick message expecting no response, such as "see you in 20 min" etc.........There really are no set established rules.....Since you have the number, you can always call instead..
happylife wrote :
I am aware that people do get busy with their jobs/lives and other distractions but waiting for a response for several days? Isn't there some kind of texting (sms) 'etiquette'?
 
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maffif is offline maffif Post #8  February 4,2011, 7:14am
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I think it depends on the person and type of relationship you are in. In the last relationship I was in we texted a lot. We both had kids at home and worked full time, so it was the easiest way to communicate. But, we also talked on the phone, too. If we couldn't get back to each other or couldn't text at that time, we let each other know and didn't leave the person hanging. Just common courtesy.
I think if someone is not responding to your texts, then they are not that interested. I know some people don't like to text, but common courtesy would suggest they let you know that.
 
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aylia is offline aylia Post #9  February 4,2011, 9:39am
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An appropriate response time depends on the person and the situation.

Do you text at work?
While driving?
Forget your phone sometimes?
Forget to charge it?
Leave it on silent?
Have an established pattern for responding?

I'm terribly inconsistent about how I use my phone. I just try to let people know that. But - if I really wanted to be reached, I would go the extra effort to remember.
 
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chimerical is offline chimerical Post #10  February 4,2011, 7:29pm
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Generally, when I text someone, I expect a response right away. (That is, within 10 minutes.) But if I don't hear back for several hours, I just assume their phone was off, or they didn't hear it, or something like that. I might resend or just text, "Hey, did you get my text?" if it was a time-sensitive matter. (Or, at that point, you might want to just call.)

Texting is really an instant-access thing. A response should always be given that same day (who doesn't at least check their phone before they go to bed?) Anything less than that indicates a nonresponsive or uninterested (or rude) partner. Texting isn't like email. It's more like saying, "Hi," to someone on the street. If they don't say "hi" back within a fairly brief amount of time, it's rude. (Email is like writing a letter; texting is like IMing, speaking face-to-face, or some other form of instant communication.)

After several days/weeks, I would either assume the other person was A) rude, B) playing me, or C) unaware of text etiquette (possibly from a different generation--one that thinks we should still be writing letters by hand). Especially if that's your main form of communication.
 
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