14 Facts You Should Never Share on a First Date

14 Facts You Should Never Share on a First Date

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14 Facts You Should Never Share on a First Date


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lissa783 is offline lissa783 Post #41  January 14,2012, 3:24pm
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Am I the only person on the planet that wouldn't care if a date used a coupon? I have zero issues with someone saving money.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #42  January 15,2012, 4:19am
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Reading this was sheer torture! But not for reasons that I saw posted here. eHA needs to hire that IT guy. Every time I advanced the screen, I had to wait for the ads to load before I could scroll down to get the picture centered on my screen (going back to a larger laptop next time around). I think it took a long time to get through what should have taken me less than a minute.

About the article? Didn't learn much.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #43  January 15,2012, 9:34am
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lissa783 wrote :
Am I the only person on the planet that wouldn't care if a date used a coupon? I have zero issues with someone saving money.
I wouldn't use a coupon on a first or second date where I'm paying, because I wouldn't want my date to think I chose a place based on where I could save a few bucks, rather than a place I thought we would both enjoy. I realize some would think that and some wouldn't, but it's not something I would risk when it comes to first impressions.

Once we're in an ongoing dating relationship, any woman I'm compatible with is going to be financially wise and desire the same from me, so I would have no problem with it. She's also going to have figured out by then that I'm not wealthy, so if that's what she's looking for, she will have already moved on.
 
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nick222 is offline nick222 Post #44  January 15,2012, 9:39am
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livinagin wrote :
Reading this was sheer torture! But not for reasons that I saw posted here. eHA needs to hire that IT guy. Every time I advanced the screen, I had to wait for the ads to load before I could scroll down to get the picture centered on my screen (going back to a larger laptop next time around). I think it took a long time to get through what should have taken me less than a minute.

About the article? Didn't learn much.
Yeah, but they still got your page views and therefore their ad revenue. Mission accomplished for them. (Unless, like me, it keeps you from viewing future ones.)
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #45  January 15,2012, 12:33pm
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nick222 wrote :
Yeah, but they still got your page views and therefore their ad revenue. Mission accomplished for them. (Unless, like me, it keeps you from viewing future ones.)
Yeah, next one like that gets the AXE!
 
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The Love Doctor is offline The Love Doctor Post #46  January 23,2012, 5:28pm
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What?!! eHarmony is saying in essence "Don't Tell The Truth On A First Date: Because the person that they have strategically match you with has probably no prior life history, never experienced dysfunction let alone hardship and won't be interested because the 29 ascpects of self don't imply socio-economic, multi-generational, societal or environmental differences. But I thought they were supposed to be about integrity, choice making, inner strength and likenesses?

My Thoughts About EHarmony's Advise.

Financially, I'm Not doing great/awful? Go ahead LIE on this one and see if you get any return phone calls after they find out. You should expect someone not to care, on a first date about where you at in your finances. Until it comes down to co-habitation keep the money out of center stage, but at the same time don't avoid the conversation - BE HONEST. Its ok to be right sized. If you make 32k a year its ok. There are very few very successful people on eharmony. Most of those 200k+ are meeting their dates elsewhere. Don't avoid or lie. You can't buy Character. Character is being true to self. Don't compromise, cause once you compromise yourself you'll do it again.

My last relationship was a disaster? Of course it was why else are you dating again? Breakups are not easy for anyone. Some people handle them differently. But one fact is true. Not all relationships end with two people married or together forever, all the relationships and dates that don't finalize are learning experiences. I say you can't work out certain relationship issues until your in one. Two people have to learn how to accept one another. Thats hard. Not easy for a lot of people. They make a good effort though and if that is what your disclosing in your first date about the previous train wreck, than have it. One single factor that has to be there in a relationship is trust. Only get trust when your honest and consistent.

Everyone has Secrets? Everyone I know has secrets and I have a secrets. They are varying in degree but they are not published on my facebook page so they are classified as secret. If you feel utterly comfortable with the person your on a first date with, share anything you want. Nothing should be off limits. If eHarmony has done their job properly you are already with someone who will get it.

Don't disclose if your in recovery? Eharmony used close your account if you admitted to having had a substance abuse problem. 1 in every 100 men and women suffer from some kind of addictive disorder. And that's just in the US. People who claim affiliation to a 12 Step program need to be commended for breaking their Anonymity not judged. I would date someone in Recovery and I would want to know that on or before the first date. I know for instance, that if someone was recovering their sponsor has said its ok to post on eharmony to begin with (and if you didn't get your sponsors permission you should) having recovery mean that I don't have worry about if my partner is taking care of her emotional well being. Recovery Disclosure is Great and I advocate it.

Life Just Isn't Working Out For Me Right Now? My goodness. If your a little depressed because your life is in the middle of a transition, you should be dating. Chances are whoever you do meet, that thinks your a catch is worse off than you. But if you do find yourself on a date despite a mild case of depression. Try to compartmentalize your feelings and be open minded.

My Family is Crazy! Batso! I think if the subject comes up its gives you either the ability to relate or empathize. If their nuts, admit. Again its about acceptance. If someone can't accept you, good bad or indifferent, then forget them.

Liar Liar? This one I agree with. But everyone Lies. It doesn't matter how, when and why. Lying by omission is the same as lying to someones face, you are purposely not telling the whole truth of what your saying. Same with exaggeration. You've got the basis for the truth, but then you add a Hollywood ending. Again still lying. The truth is the only thing that will keep you safe and ultimately happy in a relationship with another person. If you know you lie, ask yourself why. What part of yourself do you find so bad that you can't be honest about yourself with someone? Their is only one "Most Interesting Man in the World" and he does Dos Equis commercials. My only thought about this is if you lie to her about who you be prepared to keep that lie up forever. Cause if she ever finds out, you're finished.


Will you marry me? On a first date? It's not impossible. But again its based on so many of eHarmony's 29 aspects of self. You and your date may feel its the best thing to do, to just go to vegas and get married. I'm all for any two people who know what they know. Now indicating to someone while on a date that your looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage I think is again, being honest. The guy or girl has to know what your intentions are.

I think were going to be great friends? Why why why...is this bad? Doesn't everyone know that real relationships are friendships with sex? You people get a clue. I wouldn't advocate using the language "I hope we can be good friends" I would however indicate that in order to have a relationship, we need to have a good friendship too.

Talking about an ex your not over yet? Again, where is it written that lying by omission is better way to date than being honest. So its better to lead someone on thinking your free and clear when your still holding on to an old hurt? Its ok. Dating someone new after an ex that you liked a lot is normal. Its called separation anxiety. I loved all my exs. There isn't very many times I can think of that I didn't mention that to the next one on the first date. This was for two reasons, a) because in the back of my mind I hoped the ex would come back around once she sniffed another woman around (which they never did), b) because I want the out if its necessary. Woman don't handle rejection well. Its the only time I advocate a fib. Women will move right on when they no you've gone back to an ex. But we are talking about dating not how to end seeing someone.

Coupon? Are they stupid? Unless someone has claimed they have a Black Amex, coupons tell the person your with you, love the pleasantries and you know how to get it done creatively and economically. Anyone who looks at that as a sign of tight fistedness isn't thinking about marriage. Trust me marriage minded women want to know that they are getting with someone who can manage finances. Use the coupon! Tell you are. Transparency is the golden rule.

Do you want to go back to my place? I totally disagree. If the chemistry is rocking, go get some loving! I like giving my date the option if I feel the chemistry is working, a) go get dessert else where b) come back to my place to meet my dog or I can make us dessert, or c) Let's a take a drive up the coast.

I hate my job? Who knows if the other person your on a date with hates theirs too. Inspiration is right around the corner. If you hate you job, don't be dishonest talk about it, maybe talking about will be cathartic enough for you to make a change. It's just a job.

I'm obsessed with plastic surgery? Plastic surgery is about self esteem. Pure and simple. Self esteem is the issue not the plastic surgery. Everyone wants to feel good, and in a society of constant media attention on what sets that tone - its no wonder why so many women are using cosmetic surgery. Women who are between the ages of 33-53 with double of the concentration between 40-47. Women have to compete with younger women, we can thank the porn industry for this. Esquire Magazine needs to start the real women mag up again like they did in the 50's.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #47  January 24,2012, 3:28pm
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I had a date (my first one in over a year) two weeks ago, and here are all the things not to talk about; during the 2 hours of what I will call the "Fred" show, I learned the following: He is separated for 2 .5 years, but they did not file. He just broke up with his girlfriend of 2.5 years. He got the girlfriend the breast enhancements, but not the tummy tuck, he likes a little tummy. One of his older kids trashed one of his summer homes having a party, which diappointed him, because it was one thing for her to do that at 17, but 21 seemed too old to have a party that wild. He likes his new porsche better than his old porsche. He has 4 homes and pays X amount in taxes. His wife used to breast feed the kids, so, he never go up with them at night. He and girlfriend broke up after she trashed the house and he had to call the police, but she had done that before in hotels while on vacations to exoctic locations. He likes to go to Vegas 4 times a year, and visit one of his other homes every month. He just moved his motorcyle to his house down south. It went on and on, and so, finally at the end of 2 hours, he turned to me and asked "so, are you a housewife" I said, no, I have a career. He asked what I do in my free time, and if I could see myself living his life style and then asked if he could see me again, because after all we get along great, as he saw me laughing throughout dinner. I said, I am sorry, but I think we are on different paths, and promptly left. Normally I offer to pay my share, but, I had a glass of wine and a salad, and figured it was a fair trade off (I should have gone to the rest room and escaped through the window, but I would not have this great story to tell) And those are the things you don't talk about on a first date.
 
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